


Don't You Remember

by LoveofEscapism



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Armitage Hux is a Jerk, Character Death, Controlling Behaviour, Cult Like Vibes, Domestic Violence, Extramarital Affairs, Flashbacks, HEA, Heartbreak, Modern AU, Multi, Not Ben or Rey, Physical Abuse, Rey and Ben make mistakes, Romance, Smut, Soulmates, Stormpilot Included, Strangulation, ben solo has issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-24 21:09:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 65,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13819497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveofEscapism/pseuds/LoveofEscapism
Summary: True love. The kind of love that people search their entire lives for. What happens when Ben and Rey find that with each other at the wrong place and the wrong time? They had their chance years ago; long before Rey was married to his ex-best friend. AU, E for smut and violence. Reylo, of course.





	1. Chapter One - How Did We Get Here?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlbaStarGazer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbaStarGazer/gifts).



> This story really means a lot to me and it won't be an easy ride, but I hope you all enjoy. This is a world in which Ben and Rey are far from perfect and both make mistakes, but ultimately they always end up back in each others arms. Hux may seem nice right now in this, but I'm going to tell you now he is a complete ass. There will be quite a few flashbacks in this story, but I hope it all ties together nicely. 
> 
> Lots of smut in this chapter, so if that offends you, maybe it might be best not to read this story :)
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think. Kudos are my love :)

_Present Day_

Rey laughed bitterly as she looked at herself in the mirror; she didn't recognise the person looking back at her, she hadn't for a while. She was looking at a stranger. Her brown eyes that were once full of fire were now dull, the guilt of the past eight years draining the life out of her. Her long, dark hair lay limp on either side of her pale face as she lifted her hand to wipe the small tear that fell down it.

 

She hated herself. Hated herself for the decisions she had made that lead up to this point in her life. She’d hurt and lied to the people closest to her to protect her secret,  _their_  secret. But now that it was out in the open and everyone knew, she couldn’t help but feel she deserved the judgemental looks from people that walked past her in the street. She knew what they were thinking; it was plain as day on their faces. They didn’t understand though, they didn’t know what she’d been through.

 

Rey walked over to her bedside table, checking her phone for what felt the thousandth time to see if any of her friends had contacted her; they hadn’t. Another tear fell down her face as she put her phone back down and looked at the photo of her and her husband on their wedding day. She remembered when they had moved into their new home and she had put the photo next to their bed. It was her favourite photo of them, only because it was the one photo that didn’t make it completely obvious that she wasn’t happy. Thinking back she realised that she hadn’t ever really been happy with him, not the kind of happiness she felt with another man in her life. That was no excuse for what she’d done, but it was part of it.

 

Rey knew what choices she had made to get her to this point and she most certainly wasn't proud of herself, but she knew that she probably wouldn't have changed them either. That was the worst thing about it all. She had completely fucked up, but she would do it again in an instant to be with  _him_  again. Not that she would ever have a chance to do that again with how everything played out.

 

Having an affair was bad enough, never mind the fact that it was with her husband’s ex-best friend and her first, and only love of her life. _Ben Solo_.

* * *

 

_Alderaan – July 2010_

Ben couldn't think of a better feeling than this; hearing Rey scream his name as he pounded relentlessly into her. He watched as her eye's rolled to the back of her head in pleasure, a small smile gracing her beautiful face as she continued to meet him thrust for thrust. They were perfect at this together and he was sure that he would never get sick of her tight, wet pussy. It was as if it had been made just for him.

                   

Ben and Rey had been friends with benefits for three months now and he couldn't help but think it was the best decision he’d ever made. Which for him, was something special. His parents would confirm the fact that decision making was not something he was the best at, but he was sure that Rey was the exception to this. Ben always appreciated how good looking Rey was, he’d known her for most of his life, granted she was four years younger than him, but he’d always had a soft spot for her.

 

He liked Rey, not in a way where he wanted to settle down and start dating her. But, he liked her enough to have sex with her and still want to talk to her after it, which was a big deal for him. She was smart, funny and didn't have a problem in calling him out on his bullshit. He respected her, and he had never in his life respected any woman that wasn't his mother.

 

Ben Solo was a heart breaker and everyone knew it. At twenty-three years old he had already had quite a bit of experience with the opposite sex. He had a reputation throughout the small town of Aldreaan that he didn't see it changing any time soon. He wasn't one for caring about what anyone thought of him though. He did what he wanted, when he wanted and he never apologised for it. That was the way it had always been. He couldn’t help it that he had inherited the famous Solo charm from his Dad, people would just have to deal with it.

 

Rey on the other hand was the complete opposite of Ben and didn't want anyone to find out about her and Ben. This kind of relationship was not her at all. To be honest she still wasn't too sure about why she was still doing it. But, each time she would try to talk herself out of it she would change her mind instantly as soon as he saw him. She liked him, but she wasn't stupid enough to think that this would ever go anywhere. Ben didn't do girlfriends and she didn't do bad boys… well except for the one that was doing her right now.

 

"Look at me, Rey," Ben groaned, shifting his hips so that he could thrust deeper inside of her, just how she liked it.

 

Rey focused her eyes on Ben’s, getting lost in them instantly as she felt her orgasm take over her body. She felt it everywhere, a deep heat that stormed through every inch of her and propelled her into oblivion. She screamed his name loudly as she threw her head back in pleasure. Ben smirked, enjoying seeing Rey come undone beneath him. It was something he could watch over and over again and each time it felt like the first. He couldn't tear his eyes off her. Seeing her like this made him crazy as he came deep inside her only moments later.

 

He kissed her bare shoulder softly before pulling out of her and rolling onto his back. He closed his eyes briefly, enjoying the feeling of deep satisfaction that he felt from his afternoon with Rey. He always felt like his after seeing her. She could do things to his body that no female had ever done before; it's what kept him coming back for more. Well, that and the fact that she was sexy as hell. He looked round to find her in the same position; her eyes closed as she enjoyed the aftermath of her orgasm.

 

Her long, brown hair was fanned out on the pillow and Ben found his fingers combing out the tangles made by the very same hands not five minutes before. She smiled softly at his action, her eyes still closed as she enjoyed the feeling of his hands in her hair. He found it funny how alike they were sexually, when they couldn’t be any more different in every other aspect of their lives. She was good, pure and kind and he was…not. It was like she was the light in the darkness that he called his life. But, he didn’t want to ponder on it for too long, feelings like that made Ben uncomfortable.

 

"I hate to do this Rey, but Poe is coming over soon…" Ben said softly, wishing they could spend a little longer in bed together. He knew though that if Poe found out about what he and Rey had been doing he would be less than impressed. Poe was his best friend and had always been like a big brother to Rey, his parents, Shara and Kes, adopting her when her own parents passed away when she was nine. If Poe knew what they were up to, Ben was sure he would bury him alive.

 

"I'm sure you don't hate it all that much," Rey replied, knowing it was the truth. She understood their arrangement perfectly; they met up 3-4 times a week and had mind blowing sex. They talked for a bit, but that was it. They were never nasty or rude to one another, but they didn't exactly talk about their personal lives either. That would be teetering too close to the edge of a proper relationship. She hated to admit it, but a part of her liked that about them. She didn't have to be the Rey the entire town expected of her. She could breathe with Ben, properly breathe. She wasn't judged for her actions and that was something that she hadn't felt in a long time. He made things easy, which was something that she longed for.

 

She didn't need to explain anything to him; they laughed, spoke about books and films, fucked and then they went their separate ways. No questions asked. She never in a million years thought that she would be doing something like this. She loved the Dameron’s; they had taken her in and given her a life she never thought possible. But, they were also too protective, always wondering where or what she was doing. She tried her hardest to obey their rules, feeling like she owed it to them. However, she also wanted to live her own life. She wasn't going to do anything too risky, and she most definitely didn't want to let anyone down. But, she couldn't deny that she had changed and she needed this bit of danger in her life.

 

"Why, Rey… what do you take me for?" Ben asked, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively as he moved closer to her naked body.

 

"Someone who better not come in any closer if they still want me to meet up with them after the party tonight," Rey warned, not wanting to start round two when Poe was going to be here any minute. He’d flip the lid, which would not end well for either of them.

 

"We both know that no matter what my next move is you will be here in my bed again tonight screaming my name even louder than you did earlier," Ben said cockily, knowing it was true; they couldn’t get enough of each other.

 

He watched as she jumped out the bed, ignoring him. Rey not answering him just confirmed that he would be seeing her tonight and he already couldn't wait. He just had to get through his parent's 30th wedding anniversary party first. Thirty years with the same person. Ben couldn't think of anything worse. Well, except being stuck in this awful town for that length of time. His parents had lived here their full life. Ben cringed at the thought. He needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

 

"What's wrong?" Rey asked, noticing Ben scrunch his face up in disgust.

 

"Just thinking about how much I can't be bothered with this party tonight." Ben jumped up as he started putting his clothes back on. He didn't really want to talk to Rey about his hate for this town. It always put him in a sour mood and he didn’t want to put that on her right now. She didn’t deserve it.

 

"Yeah, I think the whole town is invited," Rey laughed, knowing how much Ben hated these things. She wasn't exactly fond of them herself, but it gave her a chance to hang out with all her friends. Now they had all left school it was harder to keep in touch with everyone. She was so used to seeing Finn and Rose every day. But, now they were all working part time jobs and getting ready for college. Luckily, they were all going to the same college after summer. Rey wasn't sure what she would have done if the three of them had to split up. They had been best friends her entire life. She was lucky that Finn went out with Poe, it meant she could catch up with him when he was over in their house… though sometimes when she had went to speak it to him she’d opened the door to an image that would scar her for eternity.

 

"Sounds dreadful," Ben replied as he buttoned up his jeans. He knew his parents were more than likely going to give him the usual talk they gave him before any big event in the town. It was the same every time; don't make a fool of yourself. Of course, he always did; never one to follow the rules.

 

"I'm sure it won't be that bad." Rey grabbed her coat and bag as she walked over to his bedroom door. "I'll see you there and we can meet up after and laugh at how drunk everyone gets?"

 

"You're on. See you later, Rey," Ben smiled.

 

"Bye, Ben," Rey replied as she left his room and silently made her way out of the Solo house.

 

She walked as fast as she could, worried that Poe would catch her leaving. She could only imagine what he would say. Ben was Poe’s best friend, but there was no way he would approve of what was going on between them. She knew he would say that she couldn't handle it, that her feelings would get involved and Ben would break her heart. But, he just didn't realise that her heart was already broken. There was nothing that Ben could do to her that would hurt her more than losing her parents all those years ago.

 

Her friends had been great with her, but they didn't understand. They were being too protective, thinking that she needed sheltered from the world. But, she felt the exact opposite. She needed to be free. She needed to make mistakes and learn from them on her own. There had been a few occasions when she was tempted to tell them about her sleeping with Ben, but they wouldn't get it and would most likely blame him for his bad influence on her when in reality she was the one that sought him out.

 

Rey made her way out the front gate as she quickly double checked that no one she knew was about. When she saw the coast was clear she shut the gate behind her and started walking in the direction of her house. She needed to get ready for the party and she knew that Rose would more than likely already be at her house wanting to pick an outfit for her. Rey picked up her pace, knowing better than to keep Rose Tico waiting.

* * *

 

"Rey, even if I do say so myself; we look amazing!" Rose squealed as they both walked into the party.

 

“I completely agree ladies; you both look gorgeous… though let’s be honest; I’m the main attraction here,” Finn joked, putting his arms around his two best friends.

                

Rey laughed, rolling her eyes, but she had to admit, she did feel good. She was wearing a small, black dress that fit her curves perfectly. It wasn't too short to be tacky, but still showed a considerable amount of leg. Her black patent heels finished off the look as her hair sat in loose curls around her face. She felt amazing and part of her secretly hoped that Ben would notice her. She enjoyed the few times she has left him speechless, it made her feel powerful.

 

"Yeah, well you are a genius when it comes to dressing up for big events," Rey replied as she smiled at some of the guests. Being only nineteen Rey, Rose and Finn had to sneak a few drinks while getting ready, knowing they wouldn't be served  here as everyone knew who they were. Rey already felt a little tipsy as she made the way through the crowd with Rose while Finn started looking out for Poe.

 

Rey noticed Ben standing himself at the bar, a glass of bourbon in his hand. Rey could tell he was in a mood about something, his dark eyes giving him away. He’d never been one that could hide his anger, always letting it eat him up as he lashed out at those that annoyed him. She knew that she shouldn't go over, but she had to make sure he was okay. They may not be in a relationship, but she still cared about him. She saw a side to him that not many people got to see; he was a good person but had just been dealt a shit hand of cards the last few years and she knew how much he sruggled.

 

"Rose, I'm just going to jump to the bar. I'll come find you all in a few minutes," Rey said quickly, pulling away from Rose and making a bee-line for the bar before she had a chance to answer.

 

Rey didn't know if it was due to the few glasses of wine she had earlier, but she felt a weird sensation in her stomach as she walked over to Ben. He was painfully handsome and the way he was looking at her right now was making her legs quiver. She looked around quickly, making sure that no one was watching them. She didn't want any rumours starting up about them after they had been so careful to keep their arrangement secret.

 

"You don't look happy," Rey said as she stood next to Ben, turning round so she was facing away from the bar so she could watch the people around her.

 

"I wasn't, but I'm feeling a lot better now after seeing you in that dress. You're absolutely stunning, Rey. It's taking everything I have in me right now not to throw you on top of this bar and fuck you in front of everyone." Ben’s eyes had gone a few shades darker as his hand twitched, wanting to touch Rey so bad, but knowing that he couldn't.

 

"Ben, you can't say things like that. Someone could hear us," Rey replied quietly, trying to be as stern as possible, but her voice faltered as soon as she looked into his eyes; they were mesmerizing, pulling her in and not letting go.

 

"I know. I can't help it; I just want you so bad." Ben tried to gain control of himself as he stared at Rey again. He needed another drink if he was going to have to be in her presence all night without touching her. He turned round to the bar trying to wave down the server to get him another drink.

 

"Well, well, Ben Solo as I live and breathe!" A gruff voice shouted from behind him.

 

Ben turned round quickly as soon as he heard his best friend Hux’s voice. He didn't get to see Hux as much lately; he was at still at college and wasn’t home as much as he used to be; he like Ben wasn't so fond of it. Armitage Hux had been his best friend since school. They were much alike; always chasing after girls and causing trouble. He had really missed him the past few years.

 

"Hux! I didn't know you were coming, not exactly your thing is it?" Ben pulled Hux in for a hug.

 

"Not my thing? You know how much we always loved causing trouble at these parties. Though, not too sure your parents would be too happy with our antics tonight. Thirty years? They deserve a medal!" Hux joked, his attention quickly turning to the beautiful girl standing next to Ben. "Never pegged you for settling down, but if you have you are on lucky son of a bitch."

 

"Don't be a delusional, this is just Poe Dameron’s annoying, little sister Rey trying to get me to buy her some alcohol," Ben replied nonchalantly, not wanting the Rey to be the topic of their conversation. He knew Hux, he was exactly the same as him and he didn't like the way he was looking at her right now. He knew that look; it was dangerous.

 

"Hm, I'm sure I would have remembered someone as beautiful as you living in this town. I'm Armitage Hux, but please just call me Hux." Hux took Rey’s hand in his and kissed it softly.

 

"I, um, I know who you are. I'm Rey," she replied. She had seen him about the town when she was younger, he’d always been kind to her and she’d remembered it. Although he wasn’t what Rey would call extremely attractive, there was something still nice about him and he had that boyish charm that could talk anyone over.

 

"Rey? Wow, you've changed. You're even more gorgeous than I remember." Hux’s smile reached both sides of his face as he kept Rey’s small hand in his. He couldn't help but think that coming home for summer was looking up already.

 

Ben watched as the two people in front of him seemed to forget he was there. He couldn't explain it but he started feeling sick. He looked at Rey,  _his_  Rey flirting with Hux and he nearly doubled over. He knew that they were just casual, that there weren't supposed to be any feelings involved. But, seeing them here, like this, it stirred something in him. Something that he didn't want to think about, something that he wouldn't let himself feel. He knew he had to shut these emotions down as soon as possible.

 

He decided there and then that if Hux wanted Rey, he could have her.

 

He was done with Rey for good.

* * *

 

Ben had been done with Rey for precisely two whole minutes when his eyes started to wander back over to where she was standing with Hux. He quickly gulped the rest of his bourbon, annoyed at himself for giving in so easily. Ben had noticed it was something he seemed to be doing more and more when it came to her and it needed to stop. He had never slept with a girl more than once, never mind repeatedly for three whole months. He hadn't even been with anyone else since this whole thing started, which was definitely out of character for him. Ben just hadn't felt the need to; he was having way too much fun with Rey that the thought of being with anyone else had never even crossed his mind. He wasn't sure what worried him more…

 

He turned round and asked for another drink; it was the only way he was going to get through this night. He knew Hux too well and he was pretty sure that he would be pulling out the big guns for Rey right now. She was without a doubt the most beautiful girl he had ever met and he knew for a fact that Hux was thinking the exact same thing right now, which only seemed to annoy him even more. The anger coursing through his veins as he thought of them together.

 

"You really think that's wise, kid?" Han’s voice said sternly as he walked over to his son, pointing at the new drink in his hand.

 

Han Solo was a proud man, he and his wife Leia were pillars of the community in Alderaan and he wasn't going to let his son ruin that by getting drunk at their party. This meant a lot to them both; he couldn't believe that they were celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. As he glanced round the crowded room quickly to find his other half, he smiled softly, still as much in love with her as he was on their wedding day.

 

"Really? I've been here what, five minutes and already you're on my back? It's just a drink. I'm not going to cause a scene at your precious party," Ben replied angrily, he didn't need to have the same conversation again that he'd already had with his parents earlier on that night. He knew what they expected of him and it wasn't as though he went out his way to embarrass them, it just seemed to happen from time to time.

 

"I'm just looking out for you, kid. I know you don't see it that way. But, one day when you have children of your own you will see it isn't so 'us against them' so to speak." Han looked at his son before him, wanting him to get nothing but the best from life. He knew Ben didn't realise it now, but he needed to get rid of that chip on his shoulder before it was too l **a** te. Ben liked to make things hard for himself; he'd been that way since he was a small boy. Han could see a lot of himself in Ben, but Ben was too stubborn to take his help, he just hoped that one day he would grow out of it and settle down as he had.

 

"Children of my own?" Ben snorted, that was the last thing that he ever wanted. He would never be a father, he was sure of it. That wasn't what he wanted from life and he was certain that wouldn't be changing any time soon. He wanted to be free; it was all he ever wanted. Children did not equal freedom.

 

"You may find the thought of having children funny right now, Ben. But, being a parent is one of the most rewarding things that will ever happen to you. As I've told you before; the best things in life are free. You just need to realise that." Han put his hand on Ben’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze as he turned to walk away. He knew there was no use in saying anything more to his son; he wouldn't listen to him anyway.

 

Ben watched as Han walked away from him. He didn't know what to take from their encounter. He was never one to have heart to hearts with his father; that was something he would usually go see his mother for. But, he still couldn't deny that what Han had said had struck a chord with him. When he'd mentioned children, for a fleeting moment Ben had pictured a small girl with dark brown eyes, pale skin and long, dark brown hair…

 

He quickly downed his new drink, trying desperately to control what he was feeling. He didn't want to have to think about kids and settling down. He also didn't want to be so jealous watching Rey with someone else that he could barely think straight. He should be over with Poe getting drunk and hitting on some random girl. This wasn't him; it was all getting too much.

 

He turned round again to have a quick look at Rey, he noticed Hux had moved closer to her, enjoying her laughing at some stupid joke he had made. Ben couldn't take it anymore, he was so close to running over and shoving Hux off her. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but without a second thought he pulled his phone out his pocket and quickly sent her a text, telling her to come outside and meet him. He noticed as she jumped slightly when she heard her phone beep and then proceeded to take it out of her bag. He enjoyed it a little more than he should when he saw the soft smile that graced Rey’s face as she read his message.

 

Rey smiled when she noticed Ben’s name on her phone. She really was enjoying spending time with Hux, but she couldn't deny the thrill that ran through her as soon as she looked up and noticed Ben motioning towards the back of party. The look in his eyes was pulling her towards him. She'd never seen them so dark, so dangerous and she loved it. She could see how much he needed her and she wanted him just as bad.

 

"Hux, I hope you don't mind, but I need to go and see Finn about something. I totally spaced earlier. I will come and find you later though, okay?" Rey lied, knowing that Hux probably knew that what she was saying wasn't true.

 

"Of course, Rey. It's been great catching up with you. I hope we see each other again soon," Hux replied sincerely. He was gutted that Rey couldn't stay and talk to him any longer. They really seemed to hit it off and he found himself wanting to spend more time with her.

 

"I hope so too."

 

Rey quickly made her way to the back of the room, wanting to get to Ben as soon as possible. She did a quick scan of the party, happy to see that everyone was too involved in their own conversations to notice her leaving. She walked down the small hallway to the back of the building and opened the fire door, making her way outside into the darkness.

 

As soon as she had shut the door behind her Ben grabbed her wrist and pulled her roughly into him, pushing her against the wall behind him, his body as close to hers as physically possible, leaving her trapped. He bowed his head down to hers and hovered just above her, his eyes taking in every inch of her.

 

"I've needed you since you walked in tonight in that tiny, fucking dress," he said huskily.

 

Rey blushed instantly, the light above them highlighting her red face as she squirmed against him.

 

"You're such a fucking tease, Rey. Flirting with him, making me mad. Do you have any idea what you do to me?" Ben asked, not caring that he was probably giving away more about how he was feeling than he wanted to. He couldn't help it; his brain was pretty foggy as he continued to rub against her.

 

"What about what you are doing to me?" Rey gave back to Ben as good as she was getting, her smile growing when she realised just how jealous he was.

 

"You fucking love it, Rey. You like knowing how much you turn me on with your sexy dress and those fuck me heels you're wearing. You enjoy it, don't you?" Ben asked her sexily as he ground his hard cock into her stomach.

 

Rey couldn't stop the moan from escaping her lips; she wanted him so bad and didn't care at this point who the hell knew.

 

"Yes, baby. Tell me how much it turns you on that any second someone could come out here and find us like this?" He groaned in her ear.

 

Ben loved the noise that passed through her lips in response and he smirked to himself, knowing how worked up she was getting by just his words alone.

 

Rey couldn't take it any more as she found his lips; her hands instantly moved into his hair where she wrapped her fingers in it, pushing his mouth harder onto hers as she kissed him with everything she had in her.

 

Ben groaned into her mouth in response, he couldn't get over how fucking amazing this felt; all thoughts of Hux talking to Rey left his head as he took what he fully believed was his. Rey had set a frantic pace; clearly knowing exactly how he was feeling. Ben held her head in place so he could deepen the kiss; wanting to taste as much of her as possible.

 

The second Rey felt his tongue sneak out and touch her lips she opened her mouth in response, unable to hold back the moan she felt when her tongue connected with his. She moaned even louder as she allowed his tongue to tangle with hers, losing it more and more every second he continued to grind into her.

 

Ben enjoyed her pushing against him, but he wasn't ready to stop this yet. He would love to just take her straight away, but he was enjoying drinking in every inch of her. A part of him wanted this to last forever. He groaned as she became more and more forceful with him, and in a split second it was him pressed against the wall as she pushed into him, taking everything that she could and not letting her lips leave his for even a second.

 

Rey moved her hands from the wall where she had been steadying herself and brought them around to the front of his pants as she started to unbuckle his belt, making quick work of the top button then urgently pulling down the zip, freeing him.

 

Ben couldn't believe what was happening. He had been so intent on taking Rey out here to show her what she was missing. But, it was clear that she wanted him just as much as he did, turning him on even more. He felt her hands grip the waistband of his pants along with his boxer shorts as she yanked them down his body, stopping only when they were halfway down his thighs. Her mouth had moved from his lips and down to his neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses on her journey down, making him groan even louder than before.

 

Rey dropped to her knees, her fingertips trailing up his thighs, smiling against his skin when she felt him shudder underneath her touch. "I've been thinking about you fucking me ever since I left your bed earlier today," she said huskily as she left a small kiss on his right thigh.

 

Ben loved it when Rey talked dirty to him. He always wondered how she could seem so proper most of the time, but when she was in bed with him she was so dirty. It was one of the things that attracted Ben to her; she didn't hold back when it came to sex. She was the only woman that could match him when it came to fucking and it felt amazing.

 

Ben groaned loudly, taken abruptly away from his dirty thoughts about Rey as he felt her hands land on his cock.

 

"Fuck," he muttered loudly.

 

Rey gripped his long, hard length and pumped her hand up his shaft, then working it back down, repeating the action several times, and speeding up her actions with each stroke.

 

Ben’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, he didn't know what else to do. The feeling of what she was doing was what only could be described as perfection. He leaned his head back against the cold, wet wall and closed his eyes, finding himself getting lost in the sensations she was making him feel.

 

Rey wanted more; she gripped both his thighs as she reached out to his length with her tongue; she started on the underside, running her tongue right up to the tip in one long lick, just how he liked it. She used her right hand to steady his cock as she did so, swirling her tongue around the head of his cock a couple of times, enjoying as she heard his breathing quicken with each rotation.

 

Ben couldn't believe how much she was teasing him. He fought with every single bit of resolve he had in him to keep himself from shoving his cock right into her mouth and fucking it. Ben opened his eyes as he watched her continue to torture him with her tongue; he moaned in frustration.

Rey smiled at the noises he was making, she knew exactly what he wanted and decided that after her fifth rotation she had played with him enough for now. She lowered her mouth slowly over his cock and closed her lips around the base of him.

 

Ben moaned as he nearly came there and then in her mouth, luckily he managed to stop himself. Her mouth was fucking fantastic. Rey moved her lips up his cock, using her tongue to trace along his length, then swirling her tongue around his head before lowering herself back down on him again.

 

Rey loved making him feel like this; she used her teeth to graze along his length as she moved up him this time, hearing him groan in response. She wanted to take as much of him as possible in her mouth, and so she relaxed her throat while bobbing her head up and down, feeling him hit the back wall of her throat.

 

Ben gripped Rey’s hair and started to rock his hips back and forth, in tune with the rhythm that she had set. The feeling of his cock hitting the back of her throat was unbelievable and he could feel his body begin to tense. Not wanting to come without fucking her hard against the wall, Ben quickly stopped Rey, pulling her up to face him.

 

"You're fucking amazing, Rey," Ben muttered, kissing her lips softly.

 

Rey moaned in response as she felt his mouth land on the side of her neck. He dragged his lips all the way along her neck, sucking and nipping her skin so he was sure to leave a mark. She knew why he was doing it and she didn't care.

 

Ben smirked softly as he continued marking Rey’s neck. He knew it wasn't normally his style, but he wanted people to know that Rey was taken. Well, as taken as she could be sleeping with him. It was his warning to Hux; one he couldn't give directly, but wanted him to have all the same. Rey was his, end of story.

 

He pulled away from Rey as he lifted to his hands to her breast, tracing the lines of her gorgeous cleavage; firstly grazing the right breast and then moving on to the left. He heard when she gasped in response as his hand moved to flick lightly over her hardened nipples. His hand then gripped the V neck of her dress, pulling it down as much as possible without ripping it to expose her amazing breasts.

 

He groaned as he took in the lacy, black bra she was wearing, his hands quickly dropping to the bottom of her dress and pulling it up to find the matching panties.

 

"Tell me this is all for me," he commanded as his fingers traced the top of her lacy underwear.

 

"You know it is; this dress, these shoes, this underwear… it's all for you, Ben," Rey replied, not bothering with making excuses. She knew exactly who she was thinking of when she picked this outfit. She thought about how easily it would be for him to get her out of it, how sexy she felt in it and how much he would love fucking her in it.

 

"Fuck, Rey," Ben replied huskily, enjoying her answer.

 

Ben kissed her forcefully as his hands ran up and down her thighs; he couldn't wait to touch her. He trailed a finger up her slit over her panties and groaned into her mouth. "Fuck, you're so wet."

Rey’s could hardly breathe as Ben pushed her panties to the side, continuing to move his finger up and down her wet folds.

 

"Please, Ben. I need you."

 

"Say that again," Ben replied as his finger grazed softly over her clit, making her moan even louder.

 

"Fuck, Ben. You know it's only you I need… only you that makes me feel his way," Rey replied, her head falling against the wall as Ben continued to assault her neck.

 

Enjoying her answer, Ben quickly thrust two fingers deep inside her. She was so tight and wet that he almost came in his pants. He continued to pump them in and out of her, bending his fingers at the end so he could hit her in all the right spots.

 

"Fuck," Rey muttered as he squirmed against him, the pace of his fingers was unrelenting as she could feel her body start to tingle. "Fuck me, Ben."

 

Ben removed his fingers swiftly from her centre, taking the time to suck the juices off them. He fucking loved how good Rey taste. He lifted Rey up a little higher, making sure she was in the right position as he moved her panties even further to the side, granting him easy access to her sweet spot. He leaned back a little, wanting to see him enter her.

 

"Shit!" Rey cried as she felt Ben thrust into her.

 

Ben moaned as he watched the expression on her face. He loved seeing how much she wanted him. He pulled out of her slowly and slammed back into her as she started to lick her neck. "You're so fucking tight, Rey."

 

"You feel so good, Ben," Rey responded as she grabbed hold of his hair and started to rock herself along to his rhythm. His pace was increasing with each thrust as he entered her and she couldn't help the loud moans of pleasure that were escaping from her mouth.

 

"Let them hear me fucking you, Rey," Ben groaned, knowing that if there was a heaven, this was it. The feel of her tight pussy surrounding his cock was just mind blowing, he couldn't think of anything else that felt as good as this; her heels digging into his ass as he continued to pound into her.

 

"Fuck, Ben. I'm so close," Rey moaned.

 

Ben could feel her muscles clenching around him and he almost couldn't take it. There was something different about them in this moment, something he hadn't felt before; it was a feeling he couldn't place but was so strong that it was making him light-headed.

 

"Come for me, baby," he whispered huskily in her ear as he bit down on her earlobe.

 

"Ben, fuck!" Rey cried as she felt her orgasm explode from deep inside her. She felt Ben continue to pound in and out of her as her inner muscles clung to him uncontrollably, her whole body shaking with her climax.

 

Ben moaned as his own orgasm erupted and his cock exploded inside her. He rested his head against her shoulder to calm down as he kissed her shoulder as he had done not five hours ago in his bed.

 

"You're amazing, Rey." Ben broke the silence as he continued to kiss her neck; he didn't want this moment to end.

 

Ben refused to let Rey go, clinging on to her for dear life. A horrible feeling of dread creeping over him as he thought about the way Hux had stared at Rey. He just hoped he could keep her away from him long enough until Hux had to go back to college.

 

Little did he know at that precise moment his phone had beeped in his pocket with a text message from Hux; wondering where he had got to, and more importantly wanting to know if he had Rey’s number; Hux wanted to ask her out.

 


	2. The Lonely Mantra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben speaks with Hux after his amazing night with Rey and comes to a devastating conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left a comment, subscribed, bookmarked and pressed that lovely kudos button! Appreciate it more than you know :)
> 
> This story is VERY angsty, but I promise it will be worth it.
> 
> Enjoy...

_ Alderaan – July 2010 _

Ben was practically skipping along the street after walking Rey home. He was sure he looked completely ridiculous; head held high with the biggest swagger and smuggest smile he was sure he’d ever had. He couldn’t deny that he’d just had the best sex with the most beautiful girl in the town and he felt fucking fantastic. He knew he shouldn’t have acted so jealous when he saw Hux talking to Rey, but he couldn’t help it. It was as if something had awoken inside him and he had completely snapped; needing to take her away from the situation as soon as possible and in to his arms.

Sure, he knew he shouldn’t be feeling these things, but he was finding it harder and harder to stop them from surfacing. The more time he spent with the Rey, the more he seemed to be pulled from his internal darkness and thrust into her beautiful light. He thought back to how terrified he’d felt when she was laughing at something Hux had said and how more than anything he wanted to be the only one to make her laugh like that. But, he knew that he couldn’t be.

As much as Ben wasn’t sure what this thing with Rey was anymore, he did know that it had to stop. He couldn’t let himself feel these things; he didn’t do relationships and he more definitely didn’t do love. Ben shook his head, not wanting to go down that road and continued his walk home from Rey’s house. He laughed lightly, thinking how thoroughly fucked she’d looked after their excursions outside. After they were finished it had been clear there was no way she could go back into the party. She had freshly fucked hair, thanks to Ben’s hands tugging and pulling at it as he pounded into her against the wall. The back of her shows were all scrapped and her make up that had been perfect not moments before was smeared over her face. Ben chuckled to himself as he remembered the look on her face when she had taken out her compact mirror. She’d smacked him lightly, blaming him for his current state. He’d offered to make it even worse, which of course she’d quickly accepted, ending in him bending her over as she leaned against the wall and he fucked her even harder. He knew he should be feeling tired, but the adrenaline of the night was coursing through his veins.

Rey had texted Poe to let him know she had a headache and was going to head home and of course no one had thought anything of it. In all honestly, Ben had been happy to leave the party anyway, the moment he had taken Rey outside he didn’t want to step back in. He did love his parents, that wasn’t the problem, but he knew he resented them. They were loved throughout the town, both of them never putting a foot wrong and always having the best of luck. He sometimes felt like a burden to them, that he held them back and constantly let them down. In the end he decided it was easier for them to expect the worst of him, the same way that he did. Ben Solo wasn’t going to amount to anything, especially not in this town that he felt was slowly smothering him. To him most people in Alderaan were liars; pretending to act a certain way to look good and impress other people. That had never been his style. Ben had decided a few years ago that as soon as he had enough money under his belt he was out of there. He’d had enough to leave for a few months now, but something… _someone_ was holding him back. Rey. He thought about leaving her behind, he would be able to do it wouldn’t he? He kept telling himself that of course he would, that it wouldn’t be a problem. She was just a distraction, an amazing one at that. But, when the time was right he would here and not look back once. Rey was going to college soon anyway, so it didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

Ben continued the short walk back to his house, knowing that no one would be back yet, thankful that he didn’t need to explain to them why he’d left.  He knew they’d be angry at him, furious actually, but it wasn’t like he was going to let Rey go home herself and besides, he didn’t exactly feel like celebrating and knowing that everyone in the room was waiting for him to fuck up. As Ben came closer to his house he noticed a large figure standing at the gate. He knew straight away who it was; the red hair gleaming under the street light; Hux.

“Hux, seems like you were enjoying the party as much as I was then?” Ben joked, walking up to him, the swagger still in place when he thought about how he’d taken Rey off of him.

“Not exactly. Where did you go off to?” Hux asked, a slight edge to his voice.

“Nowhere, just fed up of the place and left; parents were constantly reminding me to behave and I needed to get out of there, you know how it is,” Ben lied, wondering if Hux had seen something he shouldn’t of.

“Yeah, um… did you see what happened to Rey by any chance?” Hux asked, questioning Ben again as he watched his face for any reaction that could seem to be out the ordinary.

“Is she not still at the party?” Ben replied, his hands shaking while he tried to maintain his cluelessness. He didn’t want Hux wondering where Rey had got to; it should be none of his concern.

“Nope…she left around the same time as you actually. Spoke with Poe and he said she wasn’t feeling great and went home. I was thinking of popping by and checking she’s alright,” Hux stated, waiting again to gauge Ben’s response.

Ben tried to keep the collected smile on his face, pushing his hands roughly in his pockets as he clenched his fists. The anger was washing over him and he was finding it harder and harder to contain his rage. Why did Hux have to like the one person he shouldn’t? He knew it wasn’t right wanting to keep Rey for himself, especially when he had nothing to offer her himself. He kept telling himself that Rey wasn’t his. He was leaving soon. So was she. Ben continued his mantra as he thought about what to say to him in response.

“I, um, thought you both just met?” Ben asked, trying to keep the edge out his voice and failing miserably.

“Did you not get my text?” Hux replied, confused as to why Ben was questioning him; he thought he’d made his intentions clear.

“No, shit. I’ve not checked my phone since I left.” Ben’s hand quickly made its way to his pants pocked as he pulled out his phone.

“I wanna ask her out,” Hux said, not giving Ben the chance to even check his phone.

Ben knew he was going to say that and he didn't fucking like it one bit. Images starting flashing through his mind of Rey and Hux together, him making her laugh, even worse him kissing her, touching her. Ben’s hand gripped his phone and he knew if he used a tiny bit more strength he would crush it into pieces, kinda like he wanted to crush Hux so that he could never go anywhere near Rey.

"She doesn't seem like your type," Ben replied, trying his hardest not to give anything away, but knowing he was being completely childish. He didn’t care.

"Don't give me that shit. She's everyone's type. Are you blind? She's fucking gorgeous," Hux scoffed, not understanding how Ben could be so stupid sometimes. He always acted like nothing bothered him, he wanted to be different from everyone else and he wanted to make sure they knew it. Ben was one of his best friends, but he knew if he didn't start growing up he was going to miss out on the good things in life. Hux wanted a girlfriend, he wanted to settle down and after tonight he was determined that he was going to do it with Rey.

"Yeah, but I thought you didn't do dates? I mean, we never have. It's not us," Ben laughed, trying desperately to remind Hux that this wasn't like him. Hux had been just as bad as him growing up with the opposite sex.

"I've grown up, Ben. I want her, bad. Do you know if she is seeing anyone or anything? I doubt a girl like her is still on the market?"

Ben had never wanted to punch someone as much as he wanted to punch Hux in that moment. In less than ten seconds he felt as though he had taken two large blows straight to the heart. Hux wanted a girlfriend and he wanted it to be Rey and he was very fucking serious about it. Ben didn't know how to answer him. A part of him wanted to scream at him to back off; Rey was his. But he had to remember, Rey wasn't his. He was leaving soon. So was she. It wouldn't work and she deserved happiness. Not some idiot who didn't even know what he was feeling and wasn't even good enough to take her out on a date.

Ben suddenly felt very small as he started to think about how he had been treating Rey. He didn’t deserve her. He knew that she didn't expect anything more; they were just friends with benefits. But, he couldn't help but think where they would be now if he had just done what Hux was about to do; be a man.

"Well?" Hux asked again, wondering what the hell was up with Ben tonight. He was acting like a completely different person, his usual confidence and cockiness had completely vanished.

"Eh, nope. I don't think she is. I mean, I've not really seen her with anyone, not that I've been paying attention. But, I don't think so. I don't really know." Ben shook his head as he continued to stumble over his words. He didn't know what to say, but he couldn't lie to him and say that she was. Hux would easily find out that he was lying and then probably question him on it and he wouldn't do that to Rey. She had begged him not to tell anyone when they had first started this arrangement and he wasn't going to break that promise now. If she wanted to go out with Hux that was up to her. Though he wasn't going to like it one bit.

"Are you okay, Ben? You don't look very well?" Hux questioned, watching his friend's face become whiter and whiter, his hands shaking.

"I'm fine, just feeling shitty. I'm gonna go actually. Good luck with Rey," Ben said dejectedly as he walked past Hux, not wanting him to see the one small tear that started to make its way down his face.

He quickly made his way in his house, making his way straight to the bourbon that was sitting in the decanter on their wooden bar. He filled it up half way and then brought the glass to his lips, downing it just as quickly as he ignored the burn he felt as the gold liquid slid down his throat. As soon as he was finished he threw he glass in the fireplace, the glass shattering everywhere.

"FUUCCCKKK!" He screamed, falling to the floor as he began smacking his face with his hands.

"I can't fucking feel like this. I can't. I won't." Ben continued to smack himself, trying to rid his mind of these feelings. This was why he didn't do girlfriends. He didn't do dates. He didn't fucking do anything like that. He hated this, he hated feeling so vulnerable that he was close to tears. He couldn't keep his emotions in check and that was something he vowed he would never do. He always wanted to be in control. Then Rey came along and fucked everything up, with her gorgeous brown eyes and her long silky hair. It wasn't fair. He wanted her more than he could admit to anyone, even himself most days.

"Get a grip, Ben. She's better off without you. She doesn't need you. Why would she? She's an angel… and I'm me." Ben started to sob, he couldn't have stopped the tears if he tried. All the feelings that he had kept hidden for the past three months overtaking him.

He refused to feel like this. He needed to get rid of Rey from his life. He recited his mantra over and over. Hoping it would make him strong enough to end their arrangement the next time he saw her.

Rey wasn't his. He was leaving soon. So was she.

* * *

 

"So, he just like came over and asked you out?" Finn asked for the hundredth time as he lay next to the pool with Rey the next day. He loved that Poe had the biggest pool in the neighbourhood and he could use it whenever he wanted. Rey had invited him over to cure his hangover; he’d gone a little hard on the shots last night and was now paying the price.

"Oh my god, how many times? Yes! My door went, I answered it and there was Hux looking all shy and awkward. He started mumbling about how I was feeling and how beautiful I looked and sort of asked me out," Rey replied, thinking back to what she was sure was one of the most unexpected things to happen to her. She could hardly believe her eyes when she had opened the door and Hux had been standing there. She thought she had maybe forgotten something at the party or that he had the wrong house. But, instead he wanted to take her out on a date. She wasn’t sure what to think about the whole thing.

"That's so romantic! He must really like you! I mean think about it; we've never heard about him dating anyone."

"Exactly! What if he is just looking for one night with me?" Rey replied, trying to find any excuse not to go out with him. It all just felt a bit weird; he was Ben’s best friend. Then, of course even if he wasn't Rey still didn't feel into it. Things with Ben sort of shifted last night when he had dragged her outside. She could tell by the way he completely possessed her that he needed her just as much as she needed him. Normally, that would scare her, but it didn't. Without even really realising things with Ben had started to progress to more than just friends with benefits and Rey knew that she liked him, a lot. But, it was Ben. He didn't do girlfriends and minus last night he hasn't made any move on Rey to make her think otherwise.

"I don't think so, Rey. Poe said that Hux won't stop talking about you all night!" Finn said excitedly, wanting more than anything for his friend to go out on this date. Rey hadn't exactly had it easy in her life and he deserved to go out on a good date.

"Hmmm, I don't know." Rey closed her eyes again, her mind taking her back to last night when Ben pounded her against the wall. She had hardly slept last night thinking about it, it had been one of the most erotic moments of her life and she needed him again. She wondered if that would ever go away; the constant thinking about him, the need she felt every time she opened her eyes till she shut them again at night.

"When are you going to give him his answer? I mean, I can't believe you told him you would think about it!" Finn said seriously, thinking that Rey would have jumped at the offer of a date from him.  Hux had been one of the cool kids at school, everyone knew who he was and his family were known all over town.

"I was caught off guard… I wanted to think things through."

"Well, think fast…incoming!" Finn nodded over to the door where Ben and Hux were currently walking out of, both sets of eyes fixed on Rey.

Rey's head whipped round, her eyes immediately finding Ben’s blue, a horrible feeling creeping over her as she noticed a dullness in them, they were red raw and he looked as though he hadn't got one bit of sleep.

"Enjoying yourself you two?" Hux asked before quickly jumping in the pool and soaking Poe who was currently swimming lengths.

Rey couldn't help but laugh at Hux as he started to push Poe under the water. She noticed out the corner of her eyes that Ben had abruptly made his way back into the house without uttering a word to either of them.

"I'm just jumping in for a drink, Finn. Do you want anything?" Rey jumped up, hoping to get a chance to speak to Ben and tell him about Hux.

"I'm fine, be quick you don't want to miss the show!" Finn winked as he continued to watch the guys play in the pool.

Rey all but ran into the house, making her way to the kitchen to find Ben already with a beer in his hand as he stared out the window.

"Bit early wouldn't you say?" Rey said softly as she made her way round to him.

"Not early enough," Ben replied gruffly, he knew he would have to speak to Rey at some point, he was just hoping he would have had a good few drinks before it. This wasn't something he wanted to do sober.

"You're hungover? You seemed fine when you left me last night… more than fine actually," Rey smiled seductively as she moved closer to him, lifting her arm to touch him.

Ben pulled away quickly, not wanting to feel her. It was bad enough having to look at her in that tiny bikini without wanting to fuck her on the table.

"What's wrong, Ben?" Rey was worried now; he'd never treated her like this. I mean he had a temper, he could be moody and annoying… but never this distant. He'd never looked at her before with the cold stare he was giving her now.

"Nothing's wrong, Rey. I just want you to leave me alone." Ben was trying to sound bored, but in reality his heart was beating rapidly. He knew he was going to hurt her, hell he was hurting like fuck. But, he had to do this.

"What are you talking about? Last night… you must have felt it to?"

"Last night was nothing, Rey, I fucked you against the wall because there were no better options at the party. That's all," Ben said coldly, watching her flinch as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Why are you being like this? What's happened?" Rey tried to ignore his last comment and pretend it didn't sting as much as it had. She moved closer again to have him move away even further.

"Being like what? We don't do this, Rey. We don't talk about feelings, we fuck and to be honest I'm getting bored of that now. I'm ending whatever the fuck this was. We're done." Ben took a large swig of his beer, refusing to look at Rey in the eye.

"This is about Hux, isn't it?" Rey knew she was right, she could see it all over his face. She could feel the jealously radiating off him last night when Hux had spoken to her and she could bet that he knew about him coming over to her house last night.

"Hux? No. I honestly don't give a fuck what you do, Rey. You wanna date him, date him. It all makes no difference to me. I told you, I'm done with you."

"You're lying," Rey challenged as she grabbed Ben’s arms, forcing him to face her and stop being a coward. "You're just scared. You've always been scared, but you don't have to be. I see it now; we can have everything, Ben. I want you. Please don’t go this way." Rey wasn't sure were her confession was coming from, she just knew that in that moment she didn't want anyone else but him and she needed him to know it.

"I'm not scared, Rey. I just don't want you. You were a nice distraction, a bit easy if I'm being honest. But, other than that this meant nothing. Just me taking what I want. I don't know if you noticed but it's what I do? You didn't actually expect something to happen between us did you?" Ben laughed cruelly, hoping that she was getting the message.

"Fuck you!" Rey slapped him hard across the cheek, wanting to do it again as soon as she saw his signature smirk grace his lips. She had been wrong. There was nothing between them.

"You have, plenty times." Ben liked the fact she'd hit him, he deserved it. He enjoyed feeling the pain, it as a hundred times better than the pain he was feeling deep in his heart at this moment.

"Why are you doing this, Ben Solo?" Rey was trying her hardest not to cry, his earlier words piercing through her, she didn't know the man standing in front of her.

"Just living up to my reputation, you know…bad boy and all that." Ben began drinking his beer again.

"You know the sad thing is, you're not. You think you need to be, but you're actually a nice person that cares what everyone thinks. You're just too immature to realise it and I feel sorry for you. Thank you for making my decision so much easier." Rey dashed out the room, not noticing the figure standing behind the door that had been listening to their full conversation.

As soon as she had left Ben punched the table in front of him, wanting to destroy it the same way he destroyed his relationship with Rey. Beautiful Rey, who deserved everything he couldn’t give her. He’d finally let her see the true him, the person his parents knew he was; a monster that didn’t deserve love.

He was pretty sure that she would go out with Hux now… though luckily he didn't see that lasting and he sure as hell wasn't going to wait around to find out.

Rey wasn't his.

He was leaving soon.

So was she.

* * *

 

_ New York - December 2014 _

_Armitage Hux & Rey Kenobi_

_Request the pleasure of the company of_

_Ben Solo_

_At their wedding to be held at_

_Alderaan Church_

_On Saturday 9th July 2015_

Ben looked at the invitation for what felt like the hundredth time, his heart ripping open again as memories of his Rey invaded his mind.

Life was cruel and five years ago he had made the biggest mistake of his life, one he regrets every single day.

_Rey had been his._

_He shouldn't have left._

_He should have made her stay._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that happened. Poor Ben is completely shattered and honestly doesn't know what to do. He made the wrong decision here, which we have all done in our lives. Please don't freak out about the whole Hux thing. I promise nothing is as it seems and this fic is totally REYLO!
> 
> Please let me know what you think and if you want me to continue.
> 
> Comment and Kudos are my love :)


	3. Unfinished Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes to New York 2 weeks before her wedding to see Ben... things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the kudos and comments. This chapter is pretty all over the place, but I love it :) 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy too...

_New York – June 2015_

Rey didn't know what the hell she was thinking. She just knew she needed space; she needed to get away from reality for a few days. The wedding to Hux was in two weeks' time and she had never felt so trapped in her life. She wasn’t sure she should marry him, she couldn’t help but thinking she had felt this way for a while. Ever since the ring was placed on her finger she had suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe, as though she was drowning and there was no one there to save her.

Everyone in Alderaan was so happy for her and Hux, not one of her friends had questioned it, even her adoptive parents were over the moon. It was the perfect match, or so she was constantly told. But, no matter what she did she couldn't escape the nagging feeling that something wasn't right. She had expected Hux to propose to her, he had all but told her he was going to do it and Rey had truly believed that once he had everything would fall in to place, but it didn't. She remembered watching him go down on one knee in front of her friends and family at her 21st birthday party. She had never been so embarrassed in her life; she wasn't one for being centre of attention; that had always been more Finn’s style. The pressure that she had felt in that moment had been overwhelming; it made her feel as though she didn't have a choice in the matter.

That night once Rey had finally made her way home after celebrating their engagement, she had laid in bed, starting her wedding planning already and envisioning how everything would look on the big day. What she didn't expect though, was the fact that when she closed her eyes, instead of dreaming of Hux standing at the alter she saw the one person she hadn't let herself think about for years. He was standing waiting for her, looking incredibly gorgeous as always in his black tux with his signature smirk gracing his beautiful face as he watched her walk down the aisle towards him, like it was always meant to be that way.

Rey guessed that her dream was reason she was now in New York, two weeks before her wedding looking for Ben Solo… or Kylo Ren as he seemed to go by these days. She was crazy, but she didn't care. All she knew was that she needed to see him. She'd been dreaming about him more and more leading up to the wedding and believed that the only way the dreams would stop would be to see him and get the closure she didn't receive all those years ago. Hux was of course fine about her leaving. Thinking she just needed some time alone after being constantly bombarded by everyone in town, he had agreed that she needed a few days to herself, believing she was going off to New York to enjoy some retail therapy, and she was. But that wasn't the only reason.

Rey cringed as she thought back to when she asked Poe for Ben’s address, she knew she shouldn't have pleaded with him to keep it a secret from everyone, the colour draining from his face when he had heard her request. Of course, being her brother he had complied, but not without warning her. His voice echoed in her mind as the taxi driver pulled up outside the small townhouse. He'd warned her that Ben had changed; he wasn't the same person that had left them all behind all those years ago. He didn't elaborate and Rey at the time wasn't sure that she wanted him to. But, now standing outside his building she couldn't help but wish she had, she had no idea what she was walking in to.

Rey looked left, then right, wondering if she should forget this stupid plan and just head home. He probably didn't want to see her. The last time he had even spoken to her was in her kitchen when he had brutally told her to leave him alone almost five years ago. Still, she needed to see him. They may not have been in a relationship then, but he had meant something to her. She was even surer of it now. But, more than that, over the months they spent together he had become her friend and although she hated to admit it, she missed him. She had since the day he left. Rey still remembered how angry and hurt she had been when he didn't even tell her goodbye. They had had their fight; him telling her it was over and a few days later Poe had told her that he was gone. It had hurt more than Rey cared to admit.

She shook her head softly as she tried to rid herself of the images of the past, before taking a large breath and making her way up the few stairs to the front door. She knocked on it loudly, her heart hammering in her chest as she did so. She could hear the feet coming closer and closer to the door and she couldn't help but feel anxious to see him again.

"Rey?" Ben opened the door, whispering her name as soon as she came into sight. He couldn't believe that she was standing there.  _His Rey._

Rey went to speak, stopping abruptly as she took him in. He looked the same, but more mature and though she never thought it could be possible, he looked even more handsome. Her mind completely blanked, not knowing what to say to him. It was all too much.

"Rey? What are you doing here?" Ben asked again, wondering if he should pinch himself to check if this was a dream or not. There had been countless times over the past five years where he had thought of this moment, of seeing her again.

"I-I-I don't know. I just needed to see you, Ben," Rey replied as truthfully as possible. She did want to see him, she would never deny that. Though, being in front of him for the first time in years was putting her on edge because she might want to see him, but there was no telling if he wanted to see her too.

"Oh…well, um, it's great to see you, Rey. You look good, as always," Ben replied, trying his hardest not to smile too widely. He couldn't believe she had come to see him. He had thought of Rey every day since he left Alderaan; she would always have been the one that got away. The one that he had pushed away because he was a coward who was threatened by the prospect of a mature relationship.

The day that Ben had received her wedding invitation he knew he had lost her forever, and as hard as it was since then he had tried his hardest to get his life sorted and move on. But, now here she was standing on his doorstep wanting to see him. He'd never believed that he would get a chance to see her like this again. But he was and even though she was engaged to his former best friend he was going to make the most of it.

"Thank you, Ben. So do you," Rey replied, blushing from the compliment she had received not moments before. She shouldn't be surprised that even after all this time he still had this effect on her.

They both stood there for a few minutes, neither one knowing what to say to the other. They knew it should be uncomfortable, but it wasn't. It seemed just as easy as it had been when they were younger, except now things were different.

"Is everything okay, Rey?" Ben asked. He wasn't too sure how this conversation was going to go. Was Hux with her? Had something happened with her family? He couldn't help but start to shake, panicking in case something was wrong.

"Everything's fine. I needed a break. I just needed to see you. I've missed you." Rey knew she wasn't making much sense, she should see the confusion clear on Ben’s face.

"A break from what?" Ben knew the answer, but that didn't stop him from asking anyway. He had heard a few things from Poe about how crazy the town was going over this wedding. He wanted to scoff, some things never change.

"Everything. I'm losing it, Ben. I needed to get away for a few days and I somehow ended up here. I know you probably think this is crazy. The last time we spoke it wasn't exactly pleasant, but I just had to see you." Rey knew she was rambling, the words coming out in one hurried breath. She didn't really know what to tell him.

"I don't think it's crazy, Rey. To be honest I've thought about contacting you quite a few times over the years. The way we left things… I was a dick. I'm sorry." Ben dropped his head, not proud of the person he had been when he left Alderaan behind.

"I'm sorry too. We were kids, Ben. We both made mistakes, but I wouldn't change anything between us. You might not realise it, but you helped me. After my parents died, I didn't know what I was going to do and you gave me life again. I'd prefer to focus on the good things that came out of us, Ben, not just the bad," Rey said softly, she knew at one point they would have to discuss what had happened, but for now she just wanted her friend. She wanted to spend time with him without people watching them or whispering.

"You helped me too. I mean look at me? Best-selling author with his townhouse in New York! You helped me grow up and I owe you, Rey."

"Well, if you really want to pay me back. Fancy taking me out for some dinner and drinks? You're paying though, since you know you're a 'best-selling author with his townhouse in New York' and all that!" Rey joked, enjoying the way Ben laughed. God, she had really missed him.

"Hmmm, since you asked so nicely I'm sure that I could fit you in to my busy schedule." Ben winked at Rey, quickly picking up his leather jacket from the stand next to the door. He couldn't believe how this day had turned out. If someone had told him this morning that Rey would be standing at his door asking him out for dinner he would have called them crazy.

They began walking down the street in a comfortable silence and Ben couldn't help but sneak a glance at her every few minutes. She was gorgeous; her long, dark hair was up in a bun on top of her head due to the warm weather, giving him a nice view of her slender neck, he used to love biting it as the reaction he received was sexy as hell. He grinned, thinking about moments when they would just get lost in each other.

"What's that look?" Rey asked him, knowing fine well what he was thinking about. She could tell a mile off, it was the same smile he used to always give her before jumping her bones.

"What look?" Ben replied innocently, raising his eyebrows in return.

"That look!" Rey laughed, not even realizing that she had linked her arms with Ben’s as they walked down the street.

"I'm happy," Ben answered, squeezing Rey’s arm to let her know that she was the reason why. He couldn't really pinpoint the last time he had felt this good. That wasn't to say he hadn't had good times since moving to New York, he had. The first few months after leaving Alderaan had been a mess. He had just up and moved without really considering what his options were. He ended up spending a lot of his savings drinking the time away and making friends with the wrong people, trying to forget about the piece of his heart he had left at home. But drinking could only fill the void for so long and soon he found himself bored. He finally got a job as a waiter to make some money and on the side he would go to the park and write. He still didn't know what possessed him to do it. One day he just had all these ideas that he wanted to write down and he did. Jump forward a few years and here he was; he'd finally made something of himself and his parents were proud of him. Hell, he was proud of himself. He’d changed his name on the book to Kylo Ren, still wanting some privacy in his life and for a time he believed that Ben Solo tied him to the town he hated. He’d wanted to break free and he did, but it came at a price.

No one in Alderaan could have ever expected this from Ben Solo and he truly believed he owed it all to Rey. She had always pushed him, told him that he was a better man than he let on and the truth was she was right. When he had to face life without her the nights they spent together would haunt him, the words she had said to him replaying over and over in his mind until one day he woke up and believed them.

"I'm glad you're happy, Ben. I knew you would be. You've done amazing, honestly. I'm so proud of you!" Rey looked up at Ben as they continued walking, enjoying the genuine smile that was plastered onto his face.

"Thanks, Rey. I'm proud of me too. Did, um, did you ever read the book?" Ben asked Rey hesitantly, it was a Sci-Fi novel and he wouldn't blame her if she hadn't.

"Of course I did. It was amazing!" Rey beamed, not wanting to give away the fact that she had bought it the first day it was out. She remembered the excitement she had felt when she waited outside for the bookstore to open, anxious to read the words that Ben had written and boy she was not let down. She was usually in to her romantic novels, not one to venture into science fiction, but she had been enthralled from the first page. The plot, the characters, the writing style, everything about it was so familiar to her, so Ben. She felt like she was getting a piece back of him when she read it and since then without even meaning to she would buy that book any time she saw it. It gave her comfort she never thought possible from a story. It also didn't hurt that Ben’s face was on the back of it. She would constantly find herself staring at it, wondering what he was doing at that precise moment.

"You really liked it?" Ben couldn't believe that she had read it; he had always been hoping that she had.

"I loved it, Ben. It was just so you. It's my favourite book; I actually read it on the plane over here for like the hundredth time." Rey opened her large handbag and pulled out a copy of the book to show him.

Ben took the book off her, his hands sliding over the spine, noticing how it curved; this book was well used, by  _her_  and it meant everything to him.

"Have you got a pen, Rey?" Ben laughed as she started looking through her bag again, the look on concentration on her face reminding him when he used to sit and watch her play a game on her phone; it was adorable.

"Ah-ha! Here you go!" Rey passed the pen over, triumphant at finding it and not having to start empting her bag in the middle of the street.

"Turn around," Ben commanded, flicking his book open to the dedication and taking the top off the pen.

"What are you doing?" Rey asked, turning round as she did so.

"I'm signing your favourite book," Ben replied simply, leaning the book on her soft back as he began to write under the dedication.

"Wow, thank you." Rey didn't really know what to say, it was without a doubt one of the sweetest things that Ben had ever done for her. She could see what Poe meant by how he had changed; he'd completely grown up, he was nicer now, he was acting like a perfect gentleman. She just didn't know why Poe had said it as if it was a warning.

"All done. You can't look though till you go home," Ben said quickly, shutting the book and passing it back to her. He was nervous as hell for her to read what he wrote. It wouldn't mean anything to anyone else that read it, but it would mean something to her.

"How do you know I won't sneak off to the toilet at dinner and read it for myself?" Rey replied confidently, taking the book out his hand and popping it back into her bag. She of course would do what he said, but it still didn't mean she wasn't intrigued.

"I know that you won't peak, Rey, because I know you… plus if you did you can bet your ass that you'd be paying for dinner!" Ben elbowed her playfully as he began to walk again down the busy street.

"That's fine, I'd just get my money back by selling a copy of a signed Kylo Ren novel!" Rey stuck her tongue out as she joined her arm around his again as they walked side by side.

"Still as naughty as ever I see!" Rey and Ben both laughed as they continued their walk to the small bar that Ben was taking them, both of them scared at the fact this was the happiest they had felt in almost five years.

* * *

 

"How the hell are you drinking me under the table woman?" Ben said loudly, not realising how drunk he was as he watched Rey down another shot of tequila.

"You're too old now, Ben. I remember when twenty-two you wouldn't have had a problem with all the drinks we've had tonight…but now twenty-six year old Ben is struggling!" Rey slurred, laughing as she saw him grimace while taking another shot.

After Ben had signed her book they had went to Ben’s favourite bar, it was only a ten minute walk from his house and Rey liked the chilled out atmosphere. They'd talked over dinner, not one of them mentioning Hux or the upcoming wedding. It seemed to be an unspoken agreement that neither of them would bring it up, instead they seemed to be enjoying their time in denial, pretending that this could have been an actual date for them. They'd moved on from food to drinks and were now the drunkest either of them had been in a while. They both knew lowering their inhibitions around each other was probably a bad idea, but they didn't care.

Rey felt free, something she realised she hadn't felt in years. There were no expectations, no one telling her what she should and shouldn't do. It was as if a massive weight had been lifted from her chest and she could actually just be herself for a change. It was truly liberating.

"I am not too old! I just don't drink as much as I used to! Plus, when the hell did you become such a big drinker? I can't remember you ever drinking like this when we used to fu-hang out." Ben corrected himself quickly, not wanting to bring up their past and spoil their amazing night.

"Nice save… maybe the old you is still lurking in their somewhere," Rey laughed, knowing exactly what Ben was going to say.

"The old me? I didn't realise there was a new me?" Ben asked, curious to what Rey thought of him and this new life that he lead.

"You're still you, Ben, but evolved. I don't know how to explain it. You've just grown up and you don't seem as angry at the world as you used to be. I like seeing you like this." Rey looked down; blushing at the intense gaze she was currently receiving from him. Every time he seemed to look at her she could feel it everywhere, especially in places she shouldn't feel based on the fact she was an engaged woman.

"I was an idiot back then, Rey and I didn't treat you right. But, I needed to make those mistakes to realise that what I was doing wasn't right." Ben leaned across the table, taking Rey’s small, soft hand into his own and entwining their fingers. The spark he always felt whenever they touched raced through his body and it took everything he had in him not to jump over the table and kiss her senseless.

"And, what do you think about me now? Have I changed?" Rey asked, squeezing Ben’s hand and reassuring him that she wanted the truth. She knew herself she had; she wasn't the same girl that he left behind.

"You're the same as me. You've grown up but you're still the same Rey… which is why I can tell that something is wrong. You're scared shitless of something. Tell me what's wrong so I can fix it, please," Ben asked softly, knowing that they were probably going to speak about the one thing that made his stomach churn.

"I'm lost. I just feel as if everyone expects different things of me and I don't know if I can live up to their expectations. All I have is people telling me how amazing my life is and how lucky I am, but I don't feel that way. Does that make me a horrible person? I mean why can't I just be happy? I've just finished up college, I've got a lovely house in Alderaan, I've got my family and friends that love me and I've got Hux." Rey avoided eye contact with Ben as she muttered Hux’s name. She knew it had to come up at some point, the drinks she had downed so easily earlier helping her along with her conversation.

"You're marrying him in two weeks," Ben stated, it wasn't a question, he'd received the invitation and she was still wearing her engagement ring. Over dinner his eyes kept being drawn to it, wishing it wasn't so fucking shiny. But, he knew Hux and he knew that would have only bought Rey the very best.

"Yes, I am," Rey replied, not really knowing what else to say.

"I got the invitation." Ben thought back to the day when Poe had given him his invitation. He didn't want to tell her, but that night he had got rip-roaring drunk and through it in the fire in a rage.

"You said no."

"I meant it," Ben said angrily, watching as Rey flinched at the change in his tone.

"Hux wanted you there," Rey replied, finding this much harder than she ever thought possible.

"And you?" Ben didn't care what Hux wanted. All he cared about was Rey. He knew he shouldn't be acting like this. He gave her up long ago due to his pride, but the sting he felt as they talked about her wedding day was too much.

"I don't know if I could handle seeing you there, Ben. It would be too hard." Rey could feel the tears coming to her eyes. She didn't want this to happen, she didn't want him to see just how much this all was affecting her.

"Why?" Ben knew he was pushing it, he could see she was close to breaking, but he had to know. He wanted to know that she felt it too.

"You know why. It was never just fu-hanging out to me." Rey was getting close to leaving; the way he was looking at her was making her brain foggy.

"I know, Rey. Me either."

"What?" Rey didn't know what to say. It took her long enough to realise just how deeply she had felt for Ben, when he was gone she felt as though a part of her was missing. But she never in a million years thought that he would ever feel anything like that for her.

"It meant everything to me, Rey. I ran away because I was scared, scared of losing you to Hux, but me leaving just made it happen even quicker. I was feeling things for you that I didn't want to feel. It was too much for me and I know I hurt you. I'm so fucking sorry for that. I would understand if you could never fully forgive me, but I need you to know that it was so much more to me too." Ben couldn't look away from her, he watched as the tears started to fall down her beautiful face at his confession.

"I'm here, aren't I? I'm getting married in two weeks to your best friend and yet here I am seeing you. Of course I forgive you, Ben," Rey smiled softly through her tears, pulling her hand away from Ben’s to wipe them off her face.

"Do you want to dance, Rey?" Ben didn't know why he asked her, they used to dance all the time together, it was kind of their thing.

"Now?" Rey asked, laughing nervously.

"Why not?" Ben knew they had lots more to talk about, like why she came to see him in the first place, but at that moment all he wanted was to feel her in his arms.

"Okay, Mr Solo, lead the way." Rey watched as Ben got to his feet, putting his hand out to hers as an invitation to join him.

There were a few other couples dancing on the dancefloor, each of them in their own little worlds. Ben took Rey in his arms, holding her so close that she could feel all of him surround her. They began to sway to the music, their bodies so in sync with the other as they both held on for dear life. Rey’s head was leaning against his neck and she knew she shouldn't but without really thinking about it too much she planted a small kiss onto his skin, smiling softly when she heard him let out a small moan. She kissed him again, wanting to hear more, needing to feel more from him.

"Rey?" Ben questioned, knowing that the next step they both took would change everything.

"Please, just let me be free," Rey begged, effectively shutting him up as she kissed him with everything she had in her. All thoughts of Hux and Alderaan fell away as he responded just as passionately as they lost themselves in each other just like they did all those years ago.

* * *

 

Ben had Rey up against his front door, his hands roaming all over her body. He honestly couldn't say how long it had taken them to get back to his, they had been stopping every few minutes to continue their heated make out session, both of them completely surrendering to the other, the five years they had spent apart completely forgotten as their bodies collided.

"We should really go inside," Rey panted, knowing if they didn't take this inside soon they would be putting on a peep show for all of New York.

"But, it's all the way in there and you're here," Ben replied cheekily, nipping at Rey’s neck as she moaned loudly. He didn't care who saw, all he cared about was the fact that he was with Rey, finally.

"Ben, c'mon. I can't do what I want to do to you out here," Rey pulled away from Ben, giving him her sexiest smile.

"As you wish, beautiful," Ben laughed as he picked Rey up and hauled her over his shoulder, enjoying hearing her scream with laughter. He pulled his keys out his pocket at record speed as he opened his front door and shutting it behind him just as quickly. He needed her now and he wasn't about to waste any more time.

As Ben dropped Rey to the floor she noticed the change in his eyes. They were suddenly full of desire and had turned even darker than before. She went to speak, but was quickly cut of as she felt his lips connect forcefully with hers. She moaned into his mouth as his lips moved hungrily over hers, taking all he could get. Rey felt his tongue sneak through his lips and run seductively over her top lip, making her moan loudly as she reacted by opening her mouth immediately. Rey pushed Ben against the wall, pushing herself further against his chest as she tried to get even closer to him. This was exactly what she wanted, she knew even more now that this is why she had come to New York; for him. The need that she felt for him was all consuming, in that moment nothing else seemed to matter; not Alderaan, not the heavy engagement ring on her finger and definitely not Armitage Hux. In this moment they all meant nothing to her. All that mattered was the man in front of her and what he was doing to her body and her heart.

Ben’s hand moved to her breast as he squeezed it roughly over her top, groaning at the fact he wasn't feeling skin on skin. He quickly pulled her top off her head, throwing it behind him as he then continued to make quick work of her bra. Rey didn't have time to think as Ben’s thumb moved over her now hardened nipple, causing another moan to escape from her lips and he relished in the fact that he was making her moan like that. Ben knew if he was asked right now exactly what he was feeling he wouldn't be able to give a straight answer. The only thing he was certain of was that he wanted her to be his. He was still just as much in love with her as he was five years ago and he didn't see that ever changing. She had a hold over him that no one else had ever had in his life and it felt amazing.

Ben lifted Rey up again, her legs wrapping around his waist as her breasts pushed into his face. His hand squeezed her bum as he continued up the stairs to his bedroom, needing her as soon as possible. He softly laid Rey down on the bed as he pulled his shirt over his head, watching as she stared at his naked chest, her eyes turning darker as she drank him in. She'd never seen such a beautiful human being in her entire life, he was perfection.

Rey couldn't take it anymore, she quickly removed the rest of her clothing, needing to feel Ben inside her, but he had other ideas. Rey wiggled as his fingers started to dance over her thighs, but they didn't move to where she wanted them most. She needed to concentrate on something else, because if she didn't she was about to explode. Ben leaned over her, refusing to join his lips with hers as he wore his billion dollar smirk. He'd always enjoyed teasing her, some things never change. Rey moved her hands into his hair as she tugged on it roughly in return, causing him to groan into her mouth and grind his erection into her inner thigh.

"Jeans, off, now," Rey panted, needing to feel all of him.

He quickly complied, pulling them off just as quickly as he had her clothes. Ben couldn't believe how hard he was, all he could think about was being inside her. He'd thought about it so many times in this bedroom, imaging her being here on his bed, wanting him. She was so fucking sexy. Ben continued to trace mindless patterns over her thighs, always missing where she wanted him most, enjoying her squirming beneath him.

This was torture for Rey and what made it worse was that he knew it. Ben’s mouth was now moving so forcefully over hers, his hand pinching her nipples so hard that she wanted to scream. She could feel his rock hard cock grinding into her thigh, reminding her of just how ready he was for her. She couldn't remember ever feeling this way, ever wanting someone so much in her life.

Ben didn't know how he was managing to hold off for so long, but he was more than enjoying himself. Rey was squirming under his touch, and he knew that she was completely ready for him. His hand continued it's slow decent up her leg as she moaned encouragingly when he got closer and closer than he had before. Rey’s breath hitched awaiting the inevitable and then feeling more than frustrated when it didn't come.

"Ben, I need you to touch me," Rey demanded as she let out a breathy moan when Ben sucked down on the skin of her neck.

He didn't need to be told twice. He found it so fucking sexy when she told him what she wanted and he was powerless to deny her anything that she wanted, especially when she was asking him to do what he enjoyed most. Ben moved his hand from her breast, tracing down her torso to make his way to her soaking wet folds. He stroked his finger along them towards her clit and circled it once before running his finger over it, causing Rey to groan loudly. He then moved his finger back down her folds until he found her entrance and easily pushed three fingers inside her. "God, Rey, you're so wet," Ben mumbled against her skin, loving the feel of her around him, there was no other feeling in the world like it.

Rey continued to moan as his fingers slide in and out of her. "It's all for you. Can you feel how much I want you, Ben?" Ben picked up his pace in response, rubbing her G spot with every stroke.

Ben ground his hard cock against her thigh again, letting Rey know how much he wanted her too. "Can you feel how much I want you, Rey?" He returned the question back to her as he placed more hot kisses on her neck, his fingers continuing to move in and out of her. He loved how wet she was. He sped up his finger movements, making sure that he as hitting all the right spots in the process, letting his other hand roam back up her stomach till it hit her breast; he rolled her nipple in between his thumb and index finger. He could feel her breathing become more erratic and so he moved his thumb towards her clit and started to rub it, speeding his fingers up in the process until she was screaming his name as her muscles clenched around him, her body jerking as her orgasm hit.

Rey bit down on her lip as she felt the orgasm begin to fade and she took some calming breaths, trying her hardest to regain her composure. She noticed the intense way Ben was staring at her at her heart continued to beat wildly in her chest. She leaned up and kissed him hard, showing him how much he needed him again.

Ben felt her tongue force its way into his mouth and he groaned when he felt her hands wander down his body as she began to stroke him as she quickly pushed him over till he was now lying on the bed and she was straddling him. She started to kiss her way down his neck, eventually getting to his belly button as she pushed herself off the bed so her knees were now on the floor, her face where he wanted it most.

Ben looked down to find Rey licking her lips, getting herself ready. He couldn't believe how sexy she looked, all he could think about was the need to have his cock in her mouth. Ben watched as her hand reached out to the base of his cock and then she started to pump up and down. Her mouth was slightly open and her breathing was much like his, laboured and heavy as she moved closer to his cock.

Rey couldn't wait any longer, she had no idea how he had managed to tease her like he had because one look at his amazing cock she just needed to have him. She had no willpower when it came to Ben; she had always been this way. She lowered her head to his cock and then licked the underside of it, smiling when he felt him jerk at her touch. She loved making him feel like this. Rey then lowered her mouth again and closed her lips around him, beginning to move up and down his length, and as she got to the tip she used her tongue to trace a small circle at the head before moving her mouth back down again. She continued at this pace a few more times, before speeding up her actions.

"Fuck, Rey that feels so good." She was driving him insane, moving her mouth up and down his length. He felt the head of his cock hit the back of her throat and Ben couldn't help the curse that fell from his lips as he felt her throat relax as she took him in even further. He moaned loudly as she started to move his cock back out of her mouth using her teeth to graze along his length.

"Rey, you need to stop," Ben grunted, knowing that if she continued like this he wouldn't last much longer.

Rey pulled back, softly kissing the tip of his cock as she did so. She watched as he took a few deep breaths, trying to control himself. She loved making him like this; all the memories of their summer together were rushing through her mind and she wondered to herself how she had gone this long without him.

Rey was looking at Ben so intently that he was finding it harder and harder to control his breathing. He finally for the first time in five years felt complete. He sat up slowly, grabbing Rey’s hand that was resting on his thigh as he pulled her on top of him, kissing her with everything he had in him, hoping that she could feel just how much she meant to him.

"Turn around," Ben demanded, wanting to see her from behind. He always had thought she had the sexiest ass and he needed to see it in all its glory.

Rey did as he asked as she turned around on the bed, breathing heavily as she did so in anticipation for what was to come next. She felt him move his hands up her back, over her shoulder and down her arms and she shivered involuntarily at his touch, wondering what he was going to do next. She had always loved when he took charge like this; there was something about being completely at his mercy that she craved. Ben’s hands moved down her body till they were on either side of her thighs, pushing them apart and causing her to widen her stance.

Ben pushed himself against her, running his cock along her wet folds as he groaned loudly. "I need you, Rey. I need you so bad."

"Then take me, please Ben. I need you too," Rey responded shakily, hardly able to speak as the lust she felt for the man behind her completely consumed her body.

Ben positioned his cock at her entrance and in one swift movement he thrust into her, both of them moaning simultaneously at the feeling. "Shit, Rey you feel so fucking good," Ben groaned as he withdrew from her, moving both hands so he could now grip onto her hips as he thrust into her again even harder, going deeper than he had before.

"Ben," Rey cried, her legs nearly giving way when she felt him pound into her. He was hitting all the right spots at this angle as he continued to speed up his thrusts. Rey began to rock her hips back and forth to meet him, trying to keep up with his frantic pace, but he still wasn't going fast enough for her. "Faster, Ben, please," she moaned as she felt his hands begin to wander over her body, one of them moving in the direction of her breasts and the other tracing idle circles along her stomach.

"God, Rey, you've got no idea what you do to me," Ben grunted when he felt Rey rock her hips back faster, causing him to increase the speed of his thrusts even more. He wanted to give her exactly what she was asking for and he increased the tempo again, receiving a large moan from Rey in return. "You like that, Rey?" He asked as he continued to move in and out of her relentlessly, leaning his body down so his chest was on her back.

"Fuck, Ben." Rey was moaning loudly with each thrust and she knew she wasn't going to last much longer. His cock was hitting her G spot with each thrust, causing that coil in her stomach to tighten each time he entered her again and again.

Ben could feel his orgasm fast approaching, he had been bad enough when Rey was sucking him off and now this was completely sending him over the edge. He couldn't remember it ever feeling this good. She was a fucking angel. He quickly moved his hand from her stomach and found her clit as he started to rub it ferociously, hoping she was close too as he didn't think he was going to be able to last much longer.

"Come for me, Rey," Ben whispered huskily in her ear, needing to feel her tighten around him.

That as all Rey needed to hear as she completely let go, feeling the waves of pleasure rush through her entire body. She leaned her head onto the bed, unable to hold herself up as she felt Ben continue to rub her clit and pound into her.

Ben held on tightly to Rey, knowing that she was struggling to keep on all fours as her orgasm thrashed through her. With two more deep thrust he came undone in inside of her, muttering her name over and over as he did, unable to form a coherent sentence. His breathing was out of control and he was nearly gasping for his breath, but he didn't care. This was without a doubt the best feeling in the world and nothing could spoil it for him. He leaned down and tenderly kissed her back, moving his hand from her clit and softly tracing lines on her thigh as they both calmed down.

"That was amazing, Ben."

"I know. I missed you, Rey," Ben said softly, not wanting to talk about all the issues between them, but wanting her to know the truth.

"I missed you too…more than you know," Rey replied, trying her hardest not to let Ben see the small tear that was running down her face.

* * *

 

Ben groaned as he was awoken by a loud knock at his door. He should be pissed that he had just been woken up, but instead he couldn't stop the small smile that slipped onto his face when he turned round and found Rey fast asleep next to him. There was a part of him that couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to wake up next to her every morning.

"Ben? What the hell is that noise?" Rey asked groggily, still half asleep.

"It's the door, I'll go get it. You get some more sleep. You've been up half the night." Ben smirked, thinking about how amazing his night had been. Twenty-four hours ago he would never have imagined that he would wake up the following morning next to Rey, but here she was and he'd never felt so damn good. He'd just had one of the best nights of his life and he was sure that he would remember every second of it till the day he died.

Ben jumped up quickly as the noise continued, now angry at whoever was at his door for waking him up. He quickly slipped on a pair of shorts and made his way down the stairs, already missing Rey’s body next to him.

He groaned, set on the fact that whoever was banging his door at this hour had a death wish. He quickly opened the door, his anger fading instantly and turning into sheer panic when he found his best friend Poe standing there.

"Poe? What, what are you doing here?" Ben tried his hardest to gain his composure. Poe was the last person that he had expected to be on the other side of his door.

"Is she here, Ben?" Poe asked sharply, not bothering to answer Ben’s questions.

"Is who here?" Ben replied, trying his hardest not to give anything away. He knew that Poe was well aware that Rey was here, he could see it all over his face.

"You know who I'm talking about."

"Well, since you're Mr Know-It-All, why don't you tell me who you're talking about?" Ben was pissed, he'd been in an Rey bubble since she'd arrived, but now, as always, it was about to blow up in their faces.

"Rey. She came and asked me for your address the other day and begged me not to tell anyone and there is a bag sitting in your hallway that looks a lot like the one Finn got her for Christmas last year." Poe tried to look over Ben’s shoulder again, watching as he closed the door over behind him, not bothering that most of New York could see him half naked.

"Okay, Miss Marple, what's your point?" Ben replied, annoyed at how his friend seemed to know all the answers.

"She's getting married, Ben." Poe knew this wasn't going to be easy. He hated the look on his friend's face when he reminded him of Rey’s upcoming nuptials. But, they had to have this conversation.

"Yeah, Poe. I kinda got that from the big fancy wedding invitation you gave me last year." He was trying to control his temper, but it was proving to be harder and harder. He didn't want to have to deal with all of this.

"She's getting married to your best friend, to Hux, not some stranger. That's what makes this whole thing a hundred times worse." Poe knew they were past the point of pretending Rey wasn't here. He'd known as soon as she had asked him for Ben’s address that she would have been here, he just didn't know what would have happened between them. But, the look on his friend’s face and his current state of undress didn't leave him with any doubt about what had happened the night before.

Ben could see the judgement rolling off Poe in waves and he hated it. He hated it even more because he was right; it wasn't some stranger. Hux had been his best friend, well until Ben pushed him away over Rey. He'd been someone that had always been there for Ben and he didn't deserve this. But, he couldn't lie and pretend that it would stop him. It hadn't and it wouldn't. He refused to make the same mistake he had all those years ago. He wanted her, more than anything in his life and he needed to let her know that. She had a choice.

"I know it's bad, okay? Don't you think that crossed my mind?"

"Then why the hell are you doing it?" Poe’s voice was starting to rise and he was aware of a few people behind him stopping in the street to see what was happening.

"You know why! You were there when this all happened!" Ben shouted in response, thinking back to the day when Poe had called him out on his summer with Rey.

* * *

 

_Alderaan – July 2010_

Ben continued pacing back and forward in his room, he couldn't do anything without his mind drifting back to Rey. Her face when he had said those things had killed him and he felt awful. She didn't deserve that, but he had to do it. There was no way that they would work. She was meant to be with someone like Hux; the good guy, the town hero. He was a hot mess and he couldn't drag her down with him.

Still, it didn't make any of this easier; he'd done what he always done best and pushed Rey away. The weight of his feelings towards Rey was consuming him and he needed to shut them down. He had a life to live. He had to get out of this stupid town and move on. If he needed Rey to hate him in order to do it, then so be it!

"Ben?" Poe’s small voice questioned from behind him.

"What is it, Poe?" Ben couldn't be bothered with his friend annoying him at the moment. He needed to think about what his next move was.

"Are you okay?" Poe slowly walked further into Ben’s room, wondering how he was going to ask Ben about what he had heard earlier.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Ben stopped pacing as he looked at Poe; wanting this interaction to be over as soon as possible so he could go back to his self-loathing.

"Because something is going on with you and Rey that no one else knows about…" Poe smiled as he shrugged his shoulders, trying not to laugh at the look of shock on Ben’s face.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even like Rey… I mean she’s like your little sister!" Ben couldn't understand how Poe could have found out, he couldn't see Rey telling him. Though, after the way he treated her today anything was possible.

"Well, you made that pretty clear earlier today at our house…I heard you. What's going on?" Poe wanted to give his friend the benefit of the doubt. When he had heard the interaction between his sister and his best friend earlier on that day he didn't know what to think. He wasn't even sure if it had all been in his head. Ben and Rey… he wanted to laugh. They both barely acknowledged each other's existence! He should be more angry about it, but he knew Ben and there was light in him that he couldn’t see himself. He also trusted his sister and her instincts, even though she thought he didn’t

"There's nothing going on, it's over." Ben turned away from Poe, hoping that he would understand that the conversation they were having was also over.

"You slept with her, didn't you?" Poe knew that they had, he had heard the way Ben had taunted Rey about what had went on between them.

"Does it really matter?" Ben sat down on his bed, fed up of having to lie to everyone about how he truly felt.

"Clearly, I'm surprised you haven't worn a hole in the floor with all your pacing. You like her." Poe had never seen his friend like this and although he was pissed this had been going on with them both behind everyone's back, he couldn't help but like that Ben was acting this way. He'd never in his life seen him hung up on a girl.

"No, Poe. I don't like her. I love her." Ben couldn't look Poe in the eye after his confession; it would only make what he was saying more real. He'd known he'd loved her from the first moment he'd kissed her, though he was only finally starting to admit it to himself.

"You love her?" Poe stood in shock, he didn't know what to say to him. Ben didn't love people, especially someone like Rey.

"That's what I said, isn't it?" Ben glared at Poe, not wanting to have to talk too much about his feelings.

"Ben, that's amazing! But… why did you say those things to her today? I don't get it? You're pushing her away."

"It's because I love her that I can't be selfish with her, why she can't know this is how I feel. I don't deserve her, Poe. I'm a mess, a monster. I don't even really know what I want from my life right now. All I know is that I love Rey, but I need to leave. The only way to effectively leave her behind was to be a dick to her. She doesn't feel that way about me anyway… she could have anyone." Poe looked down again, trying his hardest not to lose it in front of his friend.

"It didn't sound that way, Ben. She said things were different, why don't you stay at see if this works out? I know you…I don't see these feelings just magically going away, Ben."

"They need to. Now, just forget about this, okay? Don't dare mention anything to anyone, ever! Especially not that annoying boyfriend of yours; he’s got the loudest mouth on this planet!"

"You're making a mistake, Ben. Hux’s asked her out, you've just pushed her away. This won't end well for either of you. I just know it." Poe tried his hardest to reason with Ben.

"It's done. Now come on, I need to leave this place and you are going to help me."

Poe watched as his friend jumped off his bed and made his way past him and through the door. The sinking feeling in Poe’s chest was getting worse and worse as he thought about what Ben had just told him. Poe didn't have the heart to tell Ben that not even an hour ago Finn had told him Rey was going on a date with Huxd. The repercussions of Ben pushing Rey away were happening already and Poe was worried when he thought about what the future would hold for the two of them.

He'd heard them in the kitchen earlier; it was clear whatever was going on between the two of them wasn't over. They had unfinished business…and one day they would need to settle it.

* * *

 

_New York – June 2015_

"I love her, Poe. She came to me a few days before her wedding, that's gotta mean something, right?" Ben knew his confession would be no surprise to his friend. After all, it hadn't been the first time he had admitted he felt that way about her to him.

"It means she's confused. It means she needed a friend and someone to stop her from making this stupid mistake!" Poe had more to say, but he didn't get a chance as Ben grabbed him, pulling him in the door, before quickly slamming him against his wall.

"Try saying that again…I dare you," Ben said menacingly, one hand holding Poe by his throat against the wall as the other shook from rage, ready to punch him in the face if he uttered one more word about him and Rey.

"Ben? Poe? What the hell is going on?" Rey shouted, running down the stairs to try and break the two friends apart. She had been planning on going back to sleep when Ben had got up to answer the door, her body still sore from her activities the night before, but she had been disturbed again by the slamming of the front door.

"Nothing, Rey, just a friendly chat between two former friends… Saint Poe was actually just about to leave." Ben’s eyes never left Poe’s as his hand remained on his throat. The anger he was feeling was ready to explode, every pent up feeling he had ever felt about what had happened between him and Rey in the past was cropping up to the surface and he was struggling to gain control.

"Ben? This isn't you, let him go," Rey said softly, her hand landing on Ben’s arm that was currently holding his Poe in a death grip.

Ben finally tore his attention away from Poe, his eyes instantly landing on Rey’s. They were silently pleading with him to stop this and just as quickly as the whole thing had started, it ended. He dropped his arm from Poe and grabbed Rey, pulling her into a crushing hug. He didn't care that Poe was there, he was well aware of their situation.

"I'm sorry, Rey. I don't know what came over me, I-"

Rey shushed Ben, letting him know he didn't have to explain. He didn't need to; what had transpired was written all over Poe’s face. Rey held Ben even tighter, knowing that once this moment was over they would need to face Poe and she was sure that he would have a lot of questions and most of them she hadn't even asked herself yet.

"I'm sorry to interrupt whatever the hell this is, but we all need to talk!" Poe was pissed, he didn't know this Rey standing in front of him and he hated it. He was her brother and he never would have expected she could do this, she wasn't a cheater, she was a good person.

Rey and Ben slowly pulled away from each other, their hands inter-linking as Ben gave hers a soft squeeze of encouragement. This was going to be hard, for everyone involved and he didn't know what the outcome was going to be. They hadn't exactly talked about any of the important questions last night; their bodies had done all the talking for them and now he didn't know where he stood.

Poe watched as his sister and his best friend stayed side by side; both of them petrified about the conversation they were about to have. He knew he had been right all those years ago and he regretted not pushing Ben to go after her. He was just as much to blame for this… they did have unfinished business and it looked as though it was no way near being resolved.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so that all happened. Poe has known for years. Ben was actually in love with Rey, though we knew that already. They had VERY hot sex... and now Poe is going to come and rain on their parade. I want to repeat that Hux is not nice in this story and there is a LOT more going on behind the scenes which we will find out. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think. What did Ben write in her book?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chasing Cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe brings Rey and Ben back to reality and it does NOT end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has commented, left kudos and bookmarked this story. It's very different from most of the things I write and is very angsty, but I'm glad some people are enjoying it :) 
> 
> Poe is in my bad books this chapter...

_ New York – June 2015 _

"Poe, this really isn't any of your business," Ben started off, not sure how this conversation was going to go, but aware of the fact that Rey was starting to shake next to him. They hadn't had a chance to discuss what happened between them the night before. He didn't know if this changed things, he hoped it did, but really it was up to her. All he knew was that he loved her and he would fight for her and try his hardest to make her see that he was the best choice. He wanted to do what he should have done all those years ago. He had to fix that mistake.

"I'm making it my business, seeing as I seem to be the only one out of all of us that is actually acting like an adult!" Poe replied angrily, waiting for Rey to speak. He wanted to know her reasons for doing this; he thought she was happy with Hux.

"Oh, here we go again, mighty Poe comes to save the day as always," Ben returned, the anger starting to build up in him again. His best friend had always had a knack for riling him up and he knew if he didn't calm down soon things would escalate again just as quickly as they had not five minutes before.

"Get your head out your ass, Ben. You both know this is wrong! Rey you're engaged or did you forget that?" Poe turned to Rey, hoping to get through to her better than he was getting through to Ben. She’d listened to him most of her life, he just hoped she would hear him and realise that this was wrong.

"I know…" Rey replied in a quiet voice, the reality of the situation starting to wash over her. She'd never felt so confused in her life. She knew the risk she was taking when she came here, hell she had been the one that had initiated it with Ben in the first place. She wanted him, she always had, and that was the problem.

"Do you?" Poe replied, his voice raising as he did so. He didn't mean to shout at her; after all she was his sister and he cared about her so much. But, he was also so angry at her. He had become close with Hux since they started going out; he had seen their relationship blossom. He just couldn't understand why she was here throwing it all away for Ben. They hadn’t seen each other in years.

"Back off, Poe…" Ben said dangerously, not liking the way that Poe was speaking to Rey. He could shout at him all he wanted, but she was a no go.

"Why don't you start taking your own advice, Ben? She's engaged to someone that was supposed to be your friend. What are you both thinking? This is wrong!" Poe continued to stare at Rey, trying his hardest to make her understand.

"I…I don't know…I," Rey was struggling to keep up with the conversation she was having with her brother and Ben. Her conscience suddenly returning to her as she thought about how much she would hurt the people she loved. Her parents would be devastated; they loved Hux and he had now become a son to them. The full town saw them as the golden couple, they were loved by everyone. If she left him now she would surely be shunned... her parents were on the town council; they lived for the community. How could she cast shame on them for something she had done?

"You both had your chance years ago." Poe could see Rey was starting to lose it, her face pale as her small hand shook in Ben’s larger one.

"How do you even know about that?" Rey asked, feeling as though she had missed out on something.

"He heard us that day in the kitchen and then confronted me about it that night. He helped me leave town, Rey." Ben turned to look at her, hating that she was just finding out about this now.

"You knew all this time?" Rey asked Poe, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"Yes, I knew." Poe looked down, he wasn't overly happy with himself from keeping this bit of information from her. He had thought about telling her over the years, but the timing just never seemed right. Plus, if he was being honest he was scared to bring up the whole Ben situation with her without telling her the full story. He knew how much they had both been hurting and opening those old wounds didn't seem like the right thing to do. Now, he wished he had, he could have helped her avoid all of this.

"You saw me upset for months, Poe! You were constantly asking what was wrong and you knew the entire time!" Rey let go of Ben’s hand as she started to pace, the last few years finally making sense to her. Poe had always been funny with her when it came to Ben, not really ever wanting to talk about him, always changing the subject any time she asked about him. Never letting her go with him to see him when he visited.

"Well, you were dating Hux! I wasn't exactly going to turn round in front of him and ask about Ben now, was I?" Poe knew he was in the wrong here, but Ben had promised him not to mention it again. It wasn't his place to tell Rey that Ben left because he loved her; he just thought it would be easier not to mention it at all. He could see Ben watching him, wondering if he was going to let it slip about their conversation that night. But, as much as Ben pissed him off, he was his friend and he had given his word. If anyone was going to tell Rey that Ben loved her it was him. Poe would never take that away from him.

"I wasn't with him 24/7, Poe! We hung out loads of times when he wasn't there. You had so many opportunities to talk to me about it. Oh, and let's not forget you were the one that gave me Ben’s address in the first place!" Rey started to think over what Poe had said to her when she asked for it. He wasn't happy about it, and now she knew why. He knew this was going to happen.

"I didn't have a choice, plus I didn't think you were going to jump in his bed the first night you saw him!" Poe regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, he didn't even have time to apologise when he felt Ben’s fist connect violently with his face.

"I warned you, now back the fuck off!" Ben shouted, his arm raised to punch Poe again if he uttered another word.

"Both of you stop it! He's right, Ben. We're all in the wrong. I should never have come here in the first place." The tears were now rolling down Rey’s face; she was finding it harder and harder to breathe as she began throwing things in her bag that was lying next to the stairs.

"Rey? You don't mean that…" Ben said softly, his whole world crumbling down as he watched her prepare to leave.

"Ben, I cheated on Hux! I'm engaged, I'm getting married next week. What will my parents think? This will break them… everyone in town is going to see me as a slut. I, I'm supposed to be starting my new job in town…I." Rey was full on panicking, not knowing what she was doing or saying. All she knew was that she needed to get away from Ben as soon as possible. She made bad decisions when she was around him and it wasn't his fault. He just made her feel, feel things that she only feels when she's with him and it's too dangerous. He left her; he said it meant nothing to him all those years ago so why now should things have changed? Hux was safe, he protected her… she was happy.

"Rey, don't do this. You're here for a reason and you know it. Don't let Poe change this. Don't let that town get to you. This is what they do! They get into your head and make you feel as though you need to be perfect. That's not real, this is real, Rey. The way I feel about you is real." Ben grabbed her wrists, trying his hardest to stop her from having a full blown panic attack.

"I can't do this, Ben. You left! Poe’s right we had our chance and you told me I was nothing to you. You used me, broke my heart and then you just left without a word. This was a mistake…" Rey tried her hardest not to look into Ben’s eyes; they would be the end of her.

"I'm, um going to wait outside… Rey, I'll get you out there?" Poe said softly, moving closer to the door. He knew he didn't need to say anything else, he had done what he had set out to do; actually get them to talk about what happened that summer.

"I'll be out soon, Poe," Rey replied, noticing Ben’s grip become firmer on her arms as she did.

Poe made his way out the door, not wanting to watch anymore of the scene in front of him. He knew that he had caused it, but he wouldn't apologise for it. They needed to face what was going on between them and the only way to do that is to talk. If they decide to be together then so be it, hell he would even be happy for them. But, they can't be selfish and hurt all these other people in the process. He loved them both and he wasn't stupid, he could see they both loved each other. But, they needed to take responsibility for their actions. They may hate him for today, but in time he knew they would both see he was only trying to help them.

Rey watched as her brother shut the door behind him, not knowing what to say to Ben now they were along. This was dangerous territory, but she had made her decision. She needed to go back to where she came from. She had come here to see Ben, to get some closure and she did.

"Look at me, Rey. C'mon… I need you to hear me, really hear me," Ben said softly, watching as she raised her head, her watery, brown eyes staring into his own. "Do you remember the summer we shared together? Do you?"

Rey nodded in return, thinking of all the amazing memories of the time they shared together; it had been the best summer of her life.

"Do you remember what you always said to me? You said you had never felt more alive in your life, you said you felt free. Free from that stupid town, free from all the pressure that everyone always put on you. It was just you and me. Feel that Rey, don't let all the other stuff get into your head." He lifted his hand to gently stroke away the tears running down her face. He knew this was his moment to convince her to stay. He needed her now more than ever, knowing that he could never love anyone else the way he loved her.

"I did… I do. When I'm with you it consumes me, Ben. But, we can't be together. It won't work. I'm engaged to Hux. I love him…" Rey hated saying these words to Ben, she knew she didn't owe him anything, but still it stung.

"I'm not disputing that you love the guy, Rey. But, you're not in love with him. There is a difference. You wouldn't be here if you were." Ben held Rey’s face in place, the tears still rolling down her cheeks breaking his heart. He could tell he was starting to fight a losing battle.

"Ben, I do love him," Rey replied, she could hear herself the uncertainty in her voice and felt like smacking him when she noticed a small smirk grace his face.

"You don't. You're just being a coward."

"Me being a coward? If you want to start throwing that word around Ben let's do another trip down memory lane. Yes, we had a great summer together, but every time I think of that summer I can't help but remember that you broke my heart. You all but called me a slut, Ben! I was ready for more and you pushed me away and then you just left. I haven't even seen you since. If I didn't show up here I probably would haven't seen you ever again!" She pushed back from him, angry that he was making her feel all these things she didn't want to.

"What was I supposed to do? I got your ridiculously over the top wedding invitation from Poe, doesn't exactly scream that you're on the market. Plus, I was doing what was best for you. I was a mess then, Rey. I couldn't have given you what you wanted then. I can now. Last night changed things. I lov-" Ben didn't get to finish his sentence as Rey angrily cut him off.

"Don't say it. I mean it, Ben. You wouldn't mean it. You're just saying it because you want me to stay. Well, I'm not. Last night was a mistake and I should never have come here. We shouldn't have let that happen. I'm marrying Hux. It's the right thing to do. You're too late, Ben. I can't risk everything on a ‘what if’. I need security, I need my family and friends and I need our hometown." Rey lifted her bag as she turned round and ran up the stairs to get the rest of her stuff.

Ben wanted to follow her, but he knew there was no point. He'd lost her, again; all because he was too scared all those years ago to follow his heart. The pain he had felt curse through him that night he realised he loved her was coming back in full force, coursing through every vein in his body. He had never been good at dealing with pain, for him it had always led to anger and right now that was all he could feel. The anger at Poe for showing up and reminding Rey of everything back home before he even had a chance to speak to her about it. The anger at Rey for settling so easily and not fighting for them. But, most of all he felt anger towards himself for leaving her in the first place. He should have fought for her all those years ago and told Hux where to go. Now, he'd lost her all over again.

"Ben, I'm so sorry…" He jumped round at Rey’s small voice, not even realising that she had made her way back down the stairs.

"Not as sorry as I am, Rey. If you walk out that door now you are no better than all those people we used to laugh at from home. All the couples that weren't married out of love, but obligation because they couldn't leave that stupid town behind. You'll be the thing I hate the most," Ben said harshly, hoping that his words would hurt her as much as she was hurting him.

"You know what, Ben, you talk a big game about hating Aldreaan and everyone in it. But I know the truth; you crave their acceptance! All you wanted was your parents to see you as someone they were proud of. You acted up so people would notice you, give you attention. But, the funny thing is you had their love and acceptance all along. You had me all along, but you were too wrapped up in yourself to notice. You can hate me, Ben. But I know it won't be nearly as much as you hate yourself!"

"Get out my house! Oh, and you can tell your brother out there that we’re also done.  I hope I don't see either one of you again." Ben looked at Rey one last time, the anger radiating off them both in waves. He turned round as he began to walk through to his lounge, not wanting to see her leave him behind like he had left her all those years ago.

The de-ja-vu that hit him felt like a knife to the chest, the tears running freely down his face. He hated that she knew him better than anyone. He would never admit it most days, but she was right. Everything that she had said had been the truth and he just didn't want to hear it.

He picked the bottle of bourbon up, not even bothering with a glass; he wouldn't need one. The anger he was feeling towards Rey and Alderaan was increasing. He hated that town and every single person in it, especially Armitage bloody Hux.

* * *

 

Rey hadn't spoken to Poe since she had left Ben’s, they were now sitting on the plane, almost home. She felt numb, the pain becoming too unbearable that she chose instead to do nothing at all. There were no words, nothing that could make her feel better or fix this. No matter what she chose someone got hurt.

"You did the right thing, Rey. You hadn't seen Ben in five years! I understand you needed closure and I promise you that I will never breathe a word of this to anyone, not even Finn," Poe said softly, not knowing what he could say to make his friend feel better.

"You say I did the right thing, Poe, but I've never felt worse in my life." Rey continued to look out the window next to her, a mini vodka in hand, she was now on her sixth.

"It was a summer romance and think how that ended. You 've built a life in Alderaan. I mean it's Ben, you know what he's like! He's my friend and I love him, but we all know the last thing he would want would be to settle down there. He's always wanted to be free, to be his own man…" Poe was trying his hardest to convince Rey that she had made the right decision, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was also trying to convince himself. He had the nagging feeling that this whole thing was a big mistake…

"I don't know, Poe. I actually think settling in Alderaan was exactly what he wanted, just nobody bothered to notice it… I don't want to talk about this anyway. Can you go get me another drink?" Rey watched as Poe nodded and stood up, making his way to the air hostess at the end of the plane that stood with her cart.

She picked her handbag up off the floor, knowing what she was about to do would probably make things a thousand times worse, but knowing that if she didn't look at it now she might chicken out of it later on. She pulled out Ben’s book, holding it gently as her hands felt over the spine the same way his hand not the day before. She smiled softly, thinking to how excited he was to sign it. He had said he trusted her and it was beautiful, but now here they were, even further apart than before.

She took a deep breath, opening the first page softly as her eyes scanned over his hand-writing. As she took in his words she was instantly transported back to their summer  and one of her favourite memories of them that she still played over and over in her mind…

* * *

 

_ Alderaan – June 2010 _

" _Rey, you are honestly the biggest radio hog I have ever met; my car, my music," Ben laughed, swiping Rey’s hand away for what felt like the tenth time in the last thirty seconds. He enjoyed spending time with her more than anything else, but he had never met a girl with such a bad taste in music. She was into all those sappy love songs and well, he was not._

" _Ben! This is a classic,c'mon, "I will always love you", have you not seen The Bodyguard?" Rey swooned, imagining a young Kevin Costner saving her like some knight in shining armour._

" _Nope and nope! Girls are honestly too emotional with all this love thing. Newsflash, it doesn't actually exist, you know. It's just a ploy to get people to pay all this money for weddings, valentine's day and to try and make people feel better about their little, sad lives." Ben had always believed that love wasn't real and even if it was he didn't care. It wasn't for him and that was all that mattered. He thought of his parents and he could never see himself settling down with one woman. I mean, if he had a gun to his head and was absolutely forced to pick one girl to spend the rest of his life with he would definitely choose Rey. He could admit it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but while he had the choice he would stick with the single life._

" _You're so cynical, Ben. You will fall in love someday, everyone does. Everyone has a soulmate, another half."_

" _You're kidding right?" Ben smirked, feeling sorry for her for thinking that._

" _Nope," she smiled, hoping she wasn't giving too much away; Ben and her were casual, she knew that. But, each time she saw him she was finding herself falling harder and harder for him. She knew she had to reign in these feelings; he was admitting he wasn't boyfriend material and she needed stable. She needed someone that her parents would be proud of and that would make her happy. She wanted to stay in Alderaan and all Ben talked about was finally leaving once he had the money._

" _Wait, stop, I like this song." Ben stopped Rey from changing the station again as his new favourite song started playing on the radio._

" _So, 'Mr Doesn't Believe In Love' wants to listen to Snow Patrol?" Rey shook her head, not understanding the man sitting next to her. He vowed he didn't believe in love but wanted to listen to one of the most romantic songs._

" _Just shhh and turn it up," Ben replied, enjoying as the music filled the air all around him._

We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own

We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel

Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads

I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

_Neither of them said anything as the music played, but both of them were thinking the exact same thing; the song reminded them of each other. They had spent the last few months just lying in each other's arms, forgetting everything else around them, they were each other's escapism and neither of them could push down the feelings that were currently taking over them._

_"You must believe in love if you like this song," Rey said softly, wondering what was making Ben grip the steering wheel so tightly._

_"I don't. But, I guess if by some magical chance I did one day, I'd play this song for them. The songs right, people just throw around those three words all the time. If I ever said them I'd mean them. I'd show the person I loved them and tell them that we were enough…" Ben didn't know where all this was coming from, not two minutes ago he had vowed never to love and now here he was, being all romantic and shit. He knew he had to stop it. He hated when things got like this between him and Rey; he saw the hopefulness in her face and he knew he had to squash it._

_"Or, you know I could just move to one of those countries where I can have like fifty wives and not need to worry about any of that shit," Ben smirked as he changed the channel over to one of his favourite rock stations and the moment was gone, but never, ever forgotten._

* * *

 

Rey’s fingers shakily traced the letters on her book, the love that she knew she felt for Ben pulsing throughout her body. It was without a doubt the most romantic thing she had ever read and it only made the whole situation all that worse.

"Those three words are said too much, they're not enough" –  _But we are_. BS x

Rey hadn't cried since she had left Ben’s house, but now she didn't know if she would ever stop. She had finally got and then lost the love of her life in under twenty-four hours and her life would never be the same again. There was no going back, only going forward and she had never been so scared in her life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh, that was horrible, wasn't it? Poe thinks he is doing what is best, but it's actually a mistake. Just like Ben made the mistake all those years ago of not telling Rey how he truly felt. There is another side to the whole Hux/Rey thing, so don't be too alarmed. It's clear she loves Ben, but her hometown and her adoptive parents mean a lot to her. Plus, he said she meant nothing to him and she completely believed him. Ben, my heart breaks for him.
> 
> Please, please let me know what you think. I love chatting to you all about my stories. 
> 
> Happy Easter :)


	5. Simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shara notices something is up with Rey and tries to talk to her. We see Rey's "happily" married life with Hux...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for following this story and commenting. I know it is angst HEAVY. Like, really heavy. 
> 
> I think you will all hate this chapter, but it has to be done for the story to move forward. 
> 
> I had to re-write it like five times because I was just like ARGHHHHH.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy...

_ Alderaan – July 2015 _

"Rey, are you okay, sweetie?" Shara asked her daughter, walking into Rey’s old room as she found her lying on the bed. She didn't know what had been going on with her lately. Ever since she had arrived back from New York she’d changed; she was hardly eating or sleeping, she was over at their house a lot more than at her own house with Hux. It was as if a bit of life had been sucked out of her and she needed to get to the bottom of it.

"I'm fine, honestly," Rey replied, this had been the third time that day her mom had asked her what was wrong and she was sick of it. She didn't want to talk about it. It had been just over a week since she came back from New York and she still felt as bad as she did when she had walked out Ben’s door; giving up on the possibility of them.

She couldn't stop thinking about the heartbroken look that was written all over his beautiful face when she said she was leaving. The pain that she felt about the whole situation was becoming too much to bare. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Her plan was to go and see Ben in New York, get some closure for what happened all those years ago and then move on with her life. In all honestly, she was even hoping that they could have remained friends. She’d missed him so much over the years.

But, now everything was even worse off than it had been before. Something that they had never spoken to each other about during their summer together cropped up. The feelings that were never properly explored brewed to the surface and completely overwhelmed both of them. Rey had completely given into those feelings that night, her younger self finally getting the confirmation from Ben that she had always wanted and it had been magical. It was as though they had never spent all those years apart, easily falling back into their old routine. The rest of the world had completely disappeared. In those moments she was in his arms, nothing else mattered. Which now looking back, scared her more than anything. Rey was someone who was always conscious of very decisions she made, worried about getting scrutinised by other people. But with Ben, it was different.

However, things had changed over the years and as much as they could have pretended they weren't, it would have been a lie. Rey was angry at Poe for the way he’d went about everything in New York, but she understood. He believed he was doing what was best for everyone; he was trying to stop her from making a decision that could very well have been a mistake. Still, letting her go to Ben in the first place when he knew what had happened between them, then just showing up and acting all high and mighty had rubbed her up the wrong way. She hadn’t spoken to him since. When they had finally made it home she told him to give her some space and stopped herself from punching him square in the jaw; the main reason being that Finn would never get over her marking his boyfriend’s face.

"I don't believe you, sweetheart. Something happened in New York, didn't it?" Shara prodded, wondering why her daughter looked so broken.

"I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it, okay?" Rey raised her voice slightly, feeling guilty as soon as she noticed the hurt on her mother's face.

"Is it Hux? Has he hurt you?" Shara pushed, sitting down next to Rey on the bed.

Rey wanted to laugh at the irony. No, he hadn't hurt her. But if he knew what she had done she would have hurt him. She felt awful. No matter what path she had chosen people were getting hurt. She had thoroughly fucked everything up.

She knew she loved Ben, that was for certain. It was clear to her that she always had. However, she couldn't throw away everything based on a summer romance, five years of rejection and a one night stand. She wanted to believe so badly that he did want her. That he did change. But, she didn't know him well enough anymore to be able to take that risk.

"No, he hasn't hurt me. We're fine," Rey replied quickly, not wanting to talk about Hux right now.

"Then what happened? You're getting married in three days, Rey! You should be over the moon, not sulking in your childhood bedroom. Your father and I are really concerned about you."

"You don't need to be. It's just wedding stress. I needed a little time in my old house, it always calms me. You remember when I was younger and things were getting too much for me I would just lock myself in this room and shut out the rest of the world? Things were so much easier then," Rey laughed, wiping a small tear off her cheek.

She had often done that when she thought about her real parents. She always wondered if they would be proud of her growing up and if she had displayed different qualities that reminded them of themselves… she didn’t want to think if they would be proud of her now, she knew what the answer would be.

"You’re thinking about your parents, aren’t you?” Shara asked softly, tucking a stray of hair from Rey’s face and pushing it gently behind her ear.

“You and Kes are my parents,” Rey replied softly. She didn’t like talking about this with her adoptive parents.

“I know, honey. But, so were they. It is completely normal to think of them so close to your wedding day. They would be so proud of you, you know that don’t you?”

Rey wanted to laugh; it was as if Shara could read her mind. The elusive question she didn’t want to answer spoken out into the world.

“No, I don’t think they would be.”

"Why not? You've done so well for yourself, Rey. Everyone in this town is so proud of you. I think they are calling this the wedding of the decade!"

"I know… but do you ever think there is more to life than what this town thinks?" Rey asked, hoping she could get some answers from her mom without giving too much away.

"There is an entire world out there, honey. But, you will learn that Alderaan is home. The people here will always have your best interests at heart; it's a community, something special we all have to fall back on. I mean, why do you think that no one ever moves away? The same families have lived here for generations. We all have each other’s backs and support this town," Shara said proudly.

"You're right, I know that and I do love it here. It's just, do you not sometimes get fed up of the fact that everyone knows everything about you?"

"You get used to it. It's always been this way, to live in a small town like this. It's like you have an extended family," Shara replied.

She loved Aldreaan, she had since she was a little girl. Shew knew that Rey had always had some reservations about how close knit the town was, wanting her own privacy, especially when her parents passed. She knew her daughter always struggled, especially when she was in her late teens; she would sneak out at all hours, thinking no one noticed. At the time Shara and Kes had wanted to speak to her about it, but for the first time in a long while they had noticed just how happy she was with her new found freedom and they both decided against it. Rey had lost so much in her life that they didn’t want to take anything else away.

"I guess. It's just they are always there, giving their opinion, even when you don't want it!" Rey thought back to when she met a few of the council members yesterday, they had cornered her in the supermarket and went on and on about her upcoming wedding.

"I know you feel as though all the attention is on you right now, sweetie. But, it will pass. Everyone is just so happy that you and Hux have found each other. You are both a perfect match, it seems easy with him," Shara smiled as she stroked Rey’s hair, happy that she was at least opening up a little bit.

"It is easy, like I don't really need to put in any effort at all," Rey replied.

She supposed that her relationship with Hux being easy was a good thing, though sometimes she had the feeling it was too easy, too predictable.

"That's what you want. You are both meant to be together, everyone can see that."

"I know, so they keep telling me."

"I know you might be getting cold feet, I can read you like a book. But, this is for the best. You love him. He loves you. Simple?" Shara said happily, hoping that she was getting through to her daughter.

"Simple," Rey replied, listening to what Shara was saying and trying her hardest to heed her advice.

For the first time in days she started to feel like she had made the right decision. This choice was the one that kept pretty much everyone happy. Alderaan was her home and she wanted to live here the rest of her life. She loved Hux, she did.

She knew she would have to forget Ben, like he had done to her five years ago. She needed to fully move on and forget about the young man that left her behind.

Simple was good. Simple was normal. Wasn’t it?

* * *

 

_ Alderaan – August 2016 _

"Hey babe, how was your day?" Hux asked as he arrived home from work.

His brother, Richard Hux was the Mayor of Alderaan and he worked with him at his office. He hoped that one day he would be able to take his place when he retired. He loved helping making the decisions to make his town better and he absolutely loved his life here.

"Fine, I'm just a bit bored. I'd really like to look for a job of some kind…"

Rey watched as Hux put his briefcase down, jealous that he could even do that. They had been married just over a year ago and they were happy. Well, apart from the fact that Hux didn't want Rey to work. He told her he would look after her, bring in the money and she could stay at home and not have to worry about working.

However, she wanted to earn a living as well. The last time she brought it up he had dismissed her. He couldn't understand that not every female just wanted to be a housewife. She wanted to get out and find a purpose. The house they lived in had now been redecorated about three times. Rey had thrown herself into different projects, trying to fill up the time during the day when Hux wasn't home and her other friends were out working.

"I know. We'll look soon. But, for now, why not enjoy another few months off? I mean you never know, we could get pregnant by that time," Hux grinned, walking over and putting his arms around his wife.

"I don't think so. I mean I'm just not ready for that yet, you know?" Rey said softly.

He was constantly bringing up the fact that he wanted children. It was another thing about Rey he couldn't understand. Rey wanted to do things with her life first. She wanted to see the world, to get a job, to be selfish for a few more years.

"Not this again, Rey. When are you going to be ready? We've been married for over a year now! People will start to talk…" Hux’s voice started to rise as he abruptly let go of his wife.

"I don't care if people start to talk. All they do in this town is gossip! So, nothing new there," Rey replied sarcastically, trying her hardest not to lose her cool.

This would be their third fight this week, but she didn't care. It was annoying her that he didn't understand what she wanted from life. All he cared about was this town and what people thought of him. He wanted the perfect family image and most of the time Rey complied. She went to all the stupid council meetings with him, all the different town events. But, she also needed to be her own person and do the things that she used to love too.

"What is it you have against this town? This past year it's like you're got some weird vendetta against it!" He couldn't understand what her problem was. She used to love this town, enjoyed going to all the different town events.

"I don't have a vendetta! I just hate everyone else being in my business all the time. It's too much. I want some privacy without people commenting on my every move."

Rey walked over and sat down on her sofa, not having the energy to fight any more with Hux. It was draining the life out her, so was this town and she needed a break.

"Well, Rey you sound like you do. All you used to talk about was having kids, but now you don't even want to consider it."

Hux sat down next to Rey, his large hand holding her knee possessively as he waited for her reply.

"I do consider it and I do want kids, just not right now. We're so young, Hux! I want us to travel, like just pack up the car and go on a road trip," Rey said excitedly, hoping that he would agree.

The thought of having a vacation made her already feel a hundred times lighter. It wasn't that she wanted to move away permanently, Alderaan was her home and she had her family and her best friends here. She wouldn't change all that for the world. Just sometimes it was all too intense, too consuming.

"I would, babe. But, you know I have work. I have commitments. I can't just pack up and leave with no warning…"

"Exactly! It will be even worse when we do have a family. Why can't we do something spontaneous for a change? Go on an adventure!" Rey smiled sweetly at him, wanting Hux to come round to the idea.

"That sounds great, Rey. But, I've got loads on right now. We'll look at it again in a few months, okay?" he said, effectively leaving no room for discussion.

"Like me getting a job?" Rey said angrily, hating that she was being dismissed.

“C'mon, don't be like that. We'll get you a job and we'll go a holiday. I promise," Hux replied, giving Rey a soft kiss on the cheek as he stood up and started taking off his tie.

"Whatever," Rey conceded, not really believing him, but not in the mood to continue the fight.

"Anyway, what did you do today?" Hux asked, changing the subject completely.

"Not much, I met Finn for lunch," she replied.

"Cool, what did he have to say for himself?" Hux asked.

Rey could tell he was trying to win back some Brownie points by pretending he was interested in her day. He never usually asked about Finn, based on the fact he hated him. He couldn't stand the fact that he would call him out on any bullshit he said. He was so used to most of the town sucking up his ass. Rey found it quite refreshing.

"Nothing much, he just told me about his work, his mom and then we spoke about wedding plans for him and Poe."

"Nice. He didn't mention anything else?" Hux inquired, as if he expected her to know something else.

"Nope… why should I know something?" Rey asked wondering what had happened.

"Well, I received a very unexpected phone call today from someone wanting to buy the abandoned building around from the bar."

"Oh, that place has been like that for years! Who called?" Rey asked, not really that interested as she started plumping the cushions next to her.

"Ben Solo… or Kylo Ren as he goes by these days!"

Rey’s world stopped. It couldn't be. He'd said he hated this town, all he ever wanted was to leave and he did. He hated the people. He hated everything about it. It just didn't make sense.

"He's, he's coming back?" Rey asked, unable to keep the shock out of her voice.

"Apparently. I mean I hadn't heard from the guy in years and he just phones me out the blue as if no time had passed! He's doing great for himself though, out there in New York. Don't know why the hell he wants to come back here…" Hux shook his head, happy that his old best friend had contacted him again.

Hux had never understood why Ben had distanced himself from him when he left. They had been so close and then Ben had just turned round and acted like he was a stranger. He didn't even come to his wedding.

"Why is he coming back?" Rey asked, scared to her the answer.

"He's opening a book shop, apparently. He is still going to write while he is here as well. He didn't say much else, just he will be back next week and he wanted to go for a drink."

"Next week? That's soon, um. Wow, I didn't expect that," Rey mumbled, not really knowing what to say.

"I know. It's great, isn't it, babe?"

"Yeah, it's great. I, um, I need to go out for a bit. I'll be home soon," she replied quickly, jumping up and picking her jumper off the table.

"Sure, see you soon," Hux replied, thinking nothing of it.

Rey ran out the house as fast as her legs would carry her. She couldn't believe that Ben was coming back. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't thought about him since the last time she saw him. She had thought about him every day, wondering what he was doing. She would even find herself looking him up on the internet, though he seemed to keep his private life to himself.

She started to walk quickly towards her destination, knowing there was only one other person she could speak to properly about this. She pulled her phone out of her pocketed and dialled Poe’s number, hoping he would answer.

"Hey Rey, everything alright?" Poe answered.

"He's coming back, Poe," Rey had started crying, her emotions all over the place.

"Who?" Poe asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Ben. He's coming back…"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we see Rey finally make her decision. I did like her talk with Shara because I wanted to get the fact that this town is like a kind of cult across. I hope I did that? Which is why Ben wanted to leave so badly. Rey is sucked in, but she knows it's wrong. She is doing things for the wrong reasons. 
> 
> Her marriage with Hux... going well isn't it? LOL. NOT. He is a prick, end of. It will only get worse. However... next chapter Ben arrives and things go craaaaaazy. Let's just say Hux and Ben will not be "friends" for long. Also, there is a lot of other things going on in that SHAM of a marriage... Rey has lost herself. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think. I wanna talk about it and try not to cry LOL!


	6. Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben returns to Alderaan...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who is reading this story.
> 
> I've updated the tags as there is a slight bit of abuse here... you are all going to HATE Hux even more. 
> 
> Now... onto the angst. I'm so nervous about this chapter!!!!

_Alderaan - August 2016_

_"Hey Rey, everything alright?" Poe answered._

_"He's coming back, Poe," Rey had started crying, her emotions all over the place._

_"Who?" Poe asked, though he already knew the answer._

_“Ben. He's coming back…"_

"I didn't know, Rey. Shit, I didn't see this one coming." Poe didn't know what to think. He wondered if Ben’s parents knew, if they did they hadn't mentioned anything.

"I didn't think I would ever see him again. He told me the last time he saw me that he never wanted to see me again. He's not been in contact with any of us since that day and now out the blue he's meeting Hux for a drink!" Rey was trying her hardest to take deep breaths, but it was proving to be useless.

She knew she had completely messed up with Ben. It was something that she had to live with every day. She had thought that over time she would heal, that she wouldn't feel physically sick when she thought of what had happened in New York the previous year. It still haunted her though; the look on his face when she said she was leaving to marry Hux. She knew all this hurt was her fault; she was the one that went to New York in the first place. She was the one that kissed him first, that asked him to make love to her. It was one of the most confusing times in her life. When she was with Ben it just consumed her and everything else that was  going on in her life would just disappear. She had felt free for the first time in years when she had been there, Ben had always had a way of making her feel that way.

But that didn't make what she did right. She had responsibilities and a good life that she had left behind. She would love to say that she regretted sleeping with Ben that night Of course, she didn't, though. That night was something she thought about every time she closed her eyes. The way Ben had looked at her as he was deep inside of her, pounding into her relentlessly. It followed her around everywhere, the feeling of being completely whole. No matter how much she tried, she just couldn't shake him.

"I knew this would happen sooner or later. He couldn't stay away for too long with you here," Poe said, hoping he hadn't overstepped his mark.

"You can't say that. He made it very clear that he hated me that day and I don't blame him! I completely fucked everything up."

"Look, we all do things we aren't proud of, we all make mist-"

"Don't say it was a mistake, Poe. Yes, the way I went about it all wasn't right, but what happened with Ben and I wasn't a mistake," Rey said angrily, she was suddenly fed up of trying to deny the fact to him.

"Rey, you cheated on Hux… you know the guy that's your husband?" Poe replied.

He couldn't remember how many times they had fought over this the past year. He understood why they had done what they did, but that didn't make it right and he wasn't going to just agree with Rey because she was his sister. He would always be truthful to her, even if she didn't like it.

"I know that and I came back and married him didn't I? Look, you can be on your fucking high horse about this all you want. I did what I did and if I could go back I would do it all again! It was Ben, Poe. Not some random guy." Rey walked into the local park, her voice softening as she passed by some kids playing on the swings.

"Then why did you marry Hux? I feel like you still don't know what you want! When you came back from New York you were depressed. You were getting married and I hadn't seen you more miserable in your entire life," Poe said softly, he couldn't help but feel he was partly to blame for how this all played out.

The way he acted in New York had been on his mind more and more recently. He thought he was doing what was right. Ben had left Rey without a word all those years ago. He left her with Hux and he couldn't blame anyone else but himself for that. Poe was sure that when he went to Ben’s house last year and found Rey there, that Ben was just getting his own back on Hux. He knew his best friend very well; he’d always played the field, getting what he wanted when he wanted it and Poe was just being over protective of his little sister.

His mistake though, was not picking up on the signs that it was different with Rey, it always had been. Ben treated her like someone he actually respected, that he loved. But, Poe, like most people in this town were blinded by Ben’s past. He always saw the worst in him and that was the reason he had lost his friend. He wasn’t sure he would ever forgive himself.

"Why did I marry Hux? Because I've been with him for years, he's safe, he loved me and it was what I always wanted. To settle down in Alderaan with my family, be part of the community and have my kids grow up with the same opportunities that I had. It's all I knew, Poe. With Ben, we had three months together one summer. Yes, it was the best summer of my life, but he left me. I went to New York for closure, but instead it just made me even more confused." Rey sat down on a bench, away from everyone else in the park. She watched as people she had known for years went about their usual routine and instead of feeling like she belonged, she felt trapped. It didn't hold the same illusion it once did.

"You know that none of those reasons were that _you_ loved him, don' t you?" Poe said sadly, wishing he could take away the pain his sister was in about the whole situation.

He'd watched her with Hux the past year and he knew she wasn't completely happy. Sure, to people on the outside they looked like the golden couple. Showing up to different town events they looked perfect, but Rey’s smile was too wide, too fake. Finn had mentioned it to him many times, that he felt something was off, Poe knew he’d spoken to Rey about it even more. However, Rey would always shut the conversation down; clearly not wanting to deal with how she was really feeling.

"I do love him, Poe… I think. It's just different, I guess. Anyway, I better get home, Hux will be wondering where I am. I just wanted you to know about Ben before you saw him in the town square or something."

"Thanks. You'll sort this all out, you know?" Poe said softly, trying to give her any encouragement that he could.

"I know," she replied hanging up the phone as the tears started to flow down her face.

She stayed there for hours, ignoring the calls on her phone from her husband. She hadn't even realised it had started raining until she began shaking. She was soaked through, but she didn't care. All she could think about was that Ben was coming back and she was going to do everything in her power to make things right again.

She knew she was married and that she had made her choice. But, she would rather have Ben in her life as a friend than nothing at all.

* * *

 

Ben looked around the bar he was currently sitting in, he hadn't been here in years and yet nothing had changed. Not that he had expected to; it was Alderaan after all. He picked up his second bourbon of the night, taking a long swig and enjoying the burn the liquid gave him as it slid down his throat.

Part of him was already wondering if he should just leave and go back to New York. He'd always hated it here, yet somehow when his father mentioned the fact that one of the buildings was up for sale he didn't think twice about buying it. He hadn't told them, though. He hadn't really told anyone, except Hux.

He gripped his glass a little tighter as he thought of his former best friend. He laughed as he thought about this was where it all went downhill for him. At his parent's anniversary party when he introduced Hux to Rey. Even saying her name in his mind still hurt. He vowed to hate her and he did, but he knew what had happened wasn't just her fault. He was as much to blame and he knew it. However, he was trying his hardest not to live in the past too much. He'd spent a good six months after Rey left thinking of the "what ifs". The biggest one being what if he had never left Alderaan in the first place… they would be together, he was sure of it. That was what had hurt the most for him. If he hadn't have been such a smug little bastard that was hell-bent on ruining everything good in his life he might actually be happy.

Now he was mostly bitter and he was sick of it. He needed to come back here and right the wrongs he made with his family, with this town, with Hux. Rey and Poe were another story, but he didn't want to think about them right now.

"Ben? Same drink I see?" Hux said happily, his hand resting on Ben’s shoulder.

"Hux? How long's it been?" Ben smiled, it didn't quite reach his cheeks, but it would do.

"Six years, old friend. Six years too long!" Hux laughed, not quite believing how quickly time had passed and how much had changed for them both.

"God, that makes me feel old. Funny how time flies." Ben motioned to the chair next to him for Hux to take a seat.

He studied his old friend, noticing that he was going slightly grey on either side of his head. He definitely looked older and weary; like he hadn't had a good night's sleep in months.

"I know, who would have thought we would end up here? Sitting in this bar like we used to all those years ago, though at least we are legal now," Hux laughed, motioning to the bartender that he would have the same as Ben. It seemed that their similar tastes extended from woman to alcohol too.

"True, makes it a little less fun though," Ben smirked, finishing his drink as he tried not to notice how awkward this meeting seemed to be.

It might have something to do with the fact that every time he looked at Hux all he could think about was the fact he had _her_. That this was the person Rey had chosen over him and it killed him. He wanted to be friends with Hux again. After all, he wasn't any the wiser about everything that went down and he had been a much better friend to Ben than he has been to him. But, if Ben was going to live here he needed to build his bridges back up and that started with Hux.

"So, tell me, Ben. What trouble have you been getting into these days? I need some good stories."

"Let's see, I think I got a parking ticket like two years ago…" Ben replied, not believing how old he seemed to be now. There was a time when he and Hux were constantly in trouble, a time when it seemed they were fearless. It's easy to be that way when you don't believe you have anything to lose.

"Shit, you're doing better than me anyway. Though, seeing as I work for the Mayor I don't have too much of a choice these days."

"Nice, how's that going anyway?" Ben knew it wasn't going to be long until he would mention Rey. He was onto his next drink, hoping it would help him maintain his poker face when he would hear Hux gushing about how amazing his married life was. All he could think about was how it should have been him.

"Brilliant, my brother is giving me loads of opportunities. It's just long working hours and a lot of commitment," Hux replied, proud of himself for how he was doing in his job. He knew that he only got it because of his name, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to prove himself.

"Well if anyone is gonna do it and do it well, it's you. I mean it's in the job description to be a smug dick if you're in the Mayor's office, isn't it?" Ben joked, watching as Hux choked on his drink in response.

"You've not changed, Solo; still a bastard. But, from what I hear a bastard that writes best sellers?"

"Yeah, don't know how the fuck that happened to be honest. I just wanted to write and I did and people actually liked it. No idea why though," Ben replied. He honestly never understood how his novel became such a success and he was so grateful for it. He was currently trying to write his follow up novel, but he had hit a massive road block. That was another reason for coming home to Alderaan; he hoped that he would find his muse again.

"I'm not gonna lie, I've not had a chance to read it. Rey loves it but. She has like fifty copies; I think she is your biggest fan!"

Hux didn't realise just how true his joke was. He also didn't notice Ben tense up next to him, not quite knowing how to respond. Rey had told him the previous year that she loved his book. She said she took a copy of it everywhere with her and Ben had almost fucking melted at that.

"Yeah? That's nice…" Ben wished he could smack himself. Nice? He had no idea what to say. He didn't want to talk about her.

"I should have brought a copy for you to sign… might shut her up for a bit," Hux laughed, too oblivious to even notice the death glare he was now receiving from Ben.

"Shut her up?" Ben questioned, wanting to know what the hell Hux meant by that statement.

"Yeah, she's been weird. Like, I mean being married is great and all that, but she's changed. All she goes on about is not having a job, about wanting to up and leave Alderaan and see the world. It's like she doesn't appreciate her life here. I work all the time so she doesn't have to, there are woman in this town that would love to not have to work. But, she hates it. She doesn't want children yet, she's just weird at the moment…" Hux shook his head, enjoying the fact he could finally speak to someone about what was going on with him and Rey.

He loved her to bits, he could never deny that, but she was different from how she was when they first met. It was as if she wasn't really with him some of the time, like she was on a completely different planet. He was sure she would come round though; she was younger than him and she would soon see how lucky she was. He’d make her.

"Why don't you want her to work? I mean from what I remember she's a smart girl…" Ben watched very carefully what he was saying. He didn't agree with Hux one bit. Rey was not the type of girl you just kept locked up in the house.

"Well, let's be honest I'm going to be the Mayor soon enough. She shouldn't be working. She should be focused on our image as a couple, our name comes with different responsibilities and she knows that. I mean people are already talking about the fact she isn't pregnant."

"What are we living in the 40's? She's a young woman, of course she wants to see the world. I think you're taking the whole image thing too seriously here, Armitage."

Ben didn't like what he was hearing. When he imagined him chatting to Hux about Rey he thought he was going to hear about how happy they were, not this. He was trying his hardest not to show it, but this annoyed him beyond belief. Rey couldn't be happy like that, could she?

"Look, you've been away a long time, Solo. You might not remember how this town works, but this is the way it has to be. Anyway, what about you? Settled down at all yet?" Hux quickly changed the conversation. Ben had always had a problem with this town, it was the reason Hux believed he left in the first place.

"Nope," Ben replied, gritting his teeth as he tried to hold back on what he really wanted to say.

"No one caught your eye yet?" Hux pushed, not believing his friend.

"I didn't say that," he replied vaguely.

"Oh, so there is a girl?" Hux laughed, patting his friend again on the back and asking for another two drinks for them both.

"There's a girl. She isn't mine to have though and that's that." Ben was very uncomfortable, trying his hardest not to give too much away.

"Fuck off? You care what other people think? If you want her, take her! You're Ben Solo!" Hux roared, the few drinks he had consumed on an empty stomach making him even louder.

"If only it were that simple," Ben replied softly, downing his new drink and hoping the interrogation was now over.

"So, anyway this new book shop… tell me… wait, you have got to be kidding me." Hux stopped mid-sentence as he jumped up and started walking away from Ben.

Ben turned round to follow where Hux was heading, completely confused by his actions. He didn't have to wonder where he was going for long as his breath caught in his throat. There she was; Rey, looking just as beautiful as he remembered. It only made the whole situation harder. He tried to this hardest not to stare at her, but as soon as he saw Hux grab her arm forcefully he jumped up, storming over to see what was happening.

"Hux, stop it you're causing a scene!" Rey slurred.

It was then Ben realised just how drunk she was. She stumbled backwards, swaying as Hux tried to hold her up.

"I'm causing a scene? Look at the state of you, Rey. You said you and Finn were going out for a few drinks… not to clear the entire bar!" He shouted, not noticing that Ben was now standing behind him.

"Shut up, Hux. We're just having some fun. She's not some bird you can just keep in a cage all day." Finn poked Hux in his chest, wanting to punch him square in the jaw, but knowing it wouldn’t end well for either of them.

He was completely fed up with him. He was always telling Rey how she should be acting and berating her like a child any time she had a little bit of fun. Finn was never shy of showing that he hated him. He believed his friend deserved so much better. He knew she wasn’t happy.

"Of course you've got something to do with this. I should never have let her out with you!" Hux roared, holding tighter onto Rey’s arm.

"Let her come out? So you're admitting that everything she does is up to you? You're a controlling pig!" Finn tried to push him away from Rey, his anger completely taking over. Unfortunately, in his drunk state he didn’t move Hux very far.

"You better back up Finn or so help me god," Hux said angrily.

"Can everyone just calm down a second?" Ben moved from behind Hux, trying to defuse the situation that was quickly spiralling out of control.

"Ben?" Rey almost lost her balance again, this time for another reason entirely.

She wasn't sure if she was seeing things. She had drank that much that it could be a possibility. Finn had taken her out tonight for her upcoming birthday, one drink had led to another and then to another and so on and now Rey was steaming drunk. She knew Hux would be angry with her, but for some reason it only seemed to fuel her on even more as they had moved on to the shots.

"Rey, are you okay?" Ben asked, ignoring everyone else around them and looking into her eyes.

She was a mess, her eyes were opening and closing at an alarming rate as she started to hiccup.

"Never better," she replied sarcastically, trying hard not to give in to the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Ben? Hmm, I would say welcome home but since you have completely ignored everyone for the past year you don't get a hello!" Finn slurred, his attention leaving Hux as he screwed his eyes up at Ben.

"Nice to see you too, Finn…"

"Sorry to cut this little reunion short, but we are leaving," Hux said gruffly as he started to drag Rey away.

"Hux, you're hurting me," Rey winced as Hux’s grip on her arm tightened, she was sure it would leave a mark.

"Back off, Hux!" Ben shouted as he pulled him away from Rey with one mighty shove.

Ben held Hux against the wall, his grip on his arms probably ten times tighter than his had been on Rey’s. He had been angry enough seeing the way he was treating her, but he knew it wasn't his place to interfere, but as soon as he realised Hux was hurting her he couldn't contain himself. Nobody would ever hurt her on his watch. She may have broken his heart into a million tiny pieces and he would never forgive her for it, but it was Rey and seeing her in any pain was too much for him to bare.

"Just calm down, Hux!" Ben said, finding it hard to keep Hux at bay as he tried to push back against him.

"Step back, Solo. This is none of your concern," Hux warned him, not wanting to make this situation any worse than it was, but wanting his friend to back down. This was between him and his wife.

"You're making it my concern, Hux. You were hurting her and that's not okay. Everyone just needs to cool down," Ben responded, trying to make him see reason. "Finn, get her out of here. Phone Poe, okay? Go stay over there tonight. Me and my buddy aren't done here."

Ben tried not to look at Rey as he watched Finn usher her out of the bar; it seemed as though the last five minutes had suddenly sobered everyone up. He knew he was crossing a line here by getting involved. But he wasn't going to let anyone treat her like that. Hux clearly needed a few home truths and Ben had decided he was more than happy to give them to him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing! She's my wife, Solo. If I want her to go home, she'll go home with me. That's how it works. Being in the Big Apple has clearly made you soft." Hux pushed Ben off him, walking up to the bar and angrily ordering more alcohol.

Ben took a few seconds to control his anger. He knew if he wasn't careful he was going to expose how he felt about Rey to the one person that really couldn't find out. He took a deep breath and walked over to the bar to join Hux.

"You know if you keep treating her like that Hux, she won't be your wife for much longer," Ben said smugly, hoping what he was saying would strike a nerve with him.

"Since when did you care so much about her? You can't have seen her in years and she isn't your concern, okay? What I do with my wife is my own business." Hux couldn't believe how Ben was acting.

"Right, whatever you say. But, you need to watch this perfect image you're wanting to put on for everyone, the cracks are starting to show…" Ben said tapping his friends back in the same manner he had done to him earlier as he left him at the bar.

He couldn't stay there looking at him any longer. The more he talked to his old friend the more he resented him. Did he not see what he had? He had the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife and here he was treating her like shit. This town had changed; it seemed to have become even more sinister that he remembered.

Hux was being sucked into the politics of it all, something he had always said he wouldn't. It was the same thing that Rey had always struggled with; caring what people thought or focusing on making yourself happy. Ben knew there was a way to find a balance; it was what he was trying to do. But it seemed as though some other people were having just as much trouble as him.

He continued walking, not really thinking about where he was going but wasn't over surprised when he looked up and he was outside his friend’s old house. He knew Poe and Finn still stayed there, which meant that Rey was there too.

He laughed to himself; he had been so sure he could hate her. That he would live here and be able to completely ignore her and Poe, maybe even piss them off a time or two. But here he was not twelve hours after moving here running after her. Some things seemed to never change…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey has really fucked up with her life choices and she knows it, everyone that loves her can see it. Hux is a complete asshole, which is so hard for me to write because in all my other stories he is a complete sweetheart. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think... I'd like to hear from you all :)


	7. Martyr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the bar continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so everyone who is following this crazy story, I appreciate it more than you know. It's not an easy read...I'm well aware, but hopefully it will all be worth it in the end :)
> 
> I can't post this chapter without saying the biggest thank you to my gorgeous friend AlbaStarGazer. She really helped me out this week and offered to edit the chapter for me. She literally made in a thousand times better. Girl is MEGA talented. I'm sure you all have, but if not you NEED to go check out her story Wolves, it's unbelievably delicious. Legit, don't know what I'd do without you these days! Sending my sexy Adam Driver Gifs on a DAILY basis, if that's not friendship, then I don't know what is. So, thank you. <3
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the chapter... Ben and Poe finally come face to face after what happened in NY.

_Alderaan - August 2016_

Ben stood, hands deep in his pockets as he gazed at the house of his former friend. Instead of throwing himself to the mercy of the wolves inside, he opted upon taking another walk around the block. He was still much too unnerved and pent up over the night’s events, and what a homecoming it was.  
  
Cooling down after the confrontation at the bar with Hux was no easy feat. If he was to see Rey, confront her, and her minions, he needed to calm himself but the chill in the night air did very little to stave the images of Hux’s hands on Rey, the way he had manhandled her. It maddened him. Some part of him was unable to comprehend what he had witnessed. Over the past year, he had often thought of Hux and Rey. He imagined them content and joyous in their first year of marriage, the honeymoon period extending well past their actual honeymoon. Rey had chosen Hux over him. It still left a bitter taste in his mouth but she had made her choice and he assumed despite the grief it caused him, that Rey was happy with Hux.

However, as he stomped down the sidewalk, it was as clear as day to him that they were in fact not happy, that _Rey_ was not happy. The information was dizzying, it left him reeling and spinning as he tried to figure out what to do with it. It changed everything.

Groaning, he gripped the metal railing he walked past and squeezed, willing himself not to punch the nearest thing in sight as the image of Hux’s hand gripping Rey’s dainty forearm with a bruising grip, flooded his mind. He marked her. He recalled her wincing, looking to _him_ , as her husband, her chosen protector and partner in life, manhandled her. It happened right before his eyes and stained his brain, he would never forget it.   
  
Hux hurt her, he physically harmed her and he was unsure if it could have went further if he had not been in public and with an audience. Ben was hell bent in his resolve; he would not let it happen again.

The jubilant life he imagined Rey was leading was a lie. Back in Alderaan, she was drowning, flailing to keep herself a float and as much as he wanted to say that she deserved it, that she chose Hux and this life, he could not. He could not live seeing her like that. Maybe he was a masochist, an idiot for feeling like that; it would inevitably lead to more hurting on his part. Despite how much their history together hurt, he wanted Rey to thrive, to blossom and live her life, to experience happiness. He needed the reassurance that despite the hell and war of broken hearts that had transpired between the two that it had been for something and that Rey was content with her choice and did not throw him away to be thrown into a new type of misery.

She was a shadow of her former self, the one he had known, fallen in love with all those years ago. He had noticed it when he saw her stumbling about in the bar and his heart ached, she appeared so lost and unlike herself.

Recalling the past caused his heart to break even more. The days spent lying with her at their favourite spot, lost amongst the grass as they spoke about what the future entailed, what life might throw at them.

Her dreams were simple enough, she wanted to work and explained that she wanted to help people in any way she could. She was selfless, an angel amongst mortals. Most certainly, the Rey that pointed out different shapes the clouds made and spoke with hope for the future did not want to spend her days cooped up in a house behind locked doors. The Rey he knew would not want to be stuck behind the same four walls, day in and day out.

It reminded him of what Finn had said at the bar, of how he accused Hux as keeping her like a bird in a cage. The image was enough to ignite the anger in Ben once more, he kicked the railing in front of him, and it shook with a vibrating clang underneath his clenched fists, his knuckles white. He was uncaring if the act caused him pain, he kicked it again.   
  
How had this happened? Her childhood was abhorrent, bad luck accustomed to following her around but he thought that had changed. He was wrong, her life as a young adult was mirroring the past, seemingly destined to end the same way.

The whole situation was a fucking mess and he still did not know what to do about it. He fisted his hair as he huffed and took off walking again. On one hand, he could stay out of it; stay the hell away from it. It was Hux after all who had reminded him that Rey was _his_ wife and Ben was in no position to interfere with how he treated her.

Then why did he feel with every nerve in his body that he had every right? Why did he feel that despite everything that him and Rey had been through, that he wanted to make everything right and save her from drowning, to water the wilting flower she had turned into? Ben wanted her to live the life she always wanted, always dreamed of and even if she did not want him in it, he would still help her.

Deciding that he had to help her was easy but forgiveness was something else. Helping her did not mean he forgave her for what transpired between them. Somewhere inside, he doubted he could ever forgive her. How could he? She had left him broken beyond repair, half a man with half of a soul.

Throughout his life, he had read about heartbreak, of people having their hearts broken. In books, they made it a painful, but positive life experience, one that altered a person for the better. It would push them to become a new person, an improved version of themselves as they went forward with life, their minds anew and wiser and eventually they would be ready to love again.

Ben realized quickly that it was a myth, total bullshit that mediocre writers drummed into the heads of the braindead of society to sell their equally shitty romance novels. When Rey left him, it had almost been the end of him. They do not tell you that. They do not disclose and enlighten you to the overwhelming feelings of loneliness, of being haunted every waking moment. They do not tell you of the despair you suffer through as you remember the memories and plans you shared, plans that were dead, that were never going to happen.

They do not tell you that you will replay the last time you kissed them repeatedly on a mindless loop and how stupid you were for not realizing that it was the end that nothing truly ever lasted forever. That if you had known it was the last time you were kissing them, how you would do everything in your power to make it last, to keep it from ending, to see if you held them tight enough that you would find a way to make them stay.

He had been so sure that she would stay with him. The connection between them was exceptionally strong, he knew she felt it too and it would forever tether them together. Sure, the tether was not exactly in perfect order, it bore its wear and tear, wore its scars that were too deep to heal but he could still feel it there. It was still there and Ben felt that tug when he saw her again, even after all this time, even in his heartbreak, it was still there. It pulled at his heart and towed him towards her.

That was the thing about love, real, honest love, it could tear you apart, destroy you inside but you would always carry it in some sense, always feel something for the person, even if it promised nothing but more pain. In a sense, he felt like a martyr and maybe he was one. Nothing felt more right than putting Rey’s heart and life above his own; she was his cause, the one he would sacrifice and kill his own happiness for.

All he knew was, that he could see Rey was suffering, unhappy with the life she was leading and he had to do something about it. He knew it could kill him this time around, letting her back into his life and knowing she would inevitably break his heart again was something too tough to envision. Shaking his head, he decided to cross that bridge when he came to it.

Which was how he ended up at this place again, in front of Poe and Finn’s doorstep. He hoped that Finn took his advice about taking Rey back to his place; he hoped for once, that he had listened to him. Another hope of his was that Hux had not come round whilst he had fumed, attempting to calm himself, and dragged Rey home. His old friend had more than enough to drink and he was in no state to be anywhere near her at this time. Ben was certain that if he saw him lay a single finger on her again, he would kill him with his bare hands.

Ben stood outside the door, unsure and contemplated whether he should knock or not. Although he was desperate to see Rey, more than desperate, she was not the only person behind the door. His friend was as well, the friend that he had said he never wanted to see again and he had meant it. He had meant it when he said it to him, the both of them and he shuddered thinking about that day in New York. Poe was supposed to be his best friend, a best friend was loyal, and had one another’s back through the highs and lows of life. Poe had been a monumental let down that day, a failure to him; he had been the one to stab his back first.

Forgiveness was something preached to the masses daily, he knew that, it was something instilled in children as they grew and he had been one of them. On too many occasions, his father had told him to be the bigger person; the better person and he had tried. However, as Ben grew, he decided that some things were unforgivable and too much to come back from and sometimes he was incapable of forgiving.

Ben felt as though Poe had all but dragged and pushed Rey out of the door that day in New York. More than once, he drove himself mad when thought of what could have been, what could have developed between the two if Poe had not shown up and stole her away.

It did not matter; he resigned himself to not dwelling upon it because Poe had arrived that day like a storm and shattered what had transcended between Rey and him. She left with him and nothing was ever going to change that.

“Are you going to knock or just creep at the door all night?

Ben jumped when he heard Poe’s voice; he had been too deep and lost in his thoughts to hear the door open.

Choosing not to reply, he instead decided to look at the friend he had hated for a year. He expected him to look different, older, but he was just the same. Time had been good to him. The baby face that men and women alike swooned over had not left him yet and it reminded Ben of their relationship before he had swooped in and raised hell, before he loved Rey and their friendship was easy, like breathing.

They had been close, not as close as they could have been near the end but they had been friends, both fiercely loyal and protective until the troubles. It left a sour taste in his mouth, oh how things had changed.

“Or are you just going to stand there and not talk to me?” Poe spoke again, leaning against the doorframe as he took the time to observe his old friend. He wondered if he was ever going to reply.  


Poe had missed Ben, more so than he had ever let on to anyone, even Finn.

The guilt he harboured for the way things came to a head in New York had followed him every day, even more so when he saw Rey and now him. Although he still believed he made the right decision, he knew he could have handled it differently, more sensitively.

Knowing that Ben would not accept his apology or ever forgive him, he did not waste his breath, unable to blame Ben for it. Ben had never been one to give second chances and he was sure his stance on the matter had not changed since the last time he had seen him.

Aging had touched Ben, an inevitable part of life. There were only slight, subtle differences but to him, he only looked better with age. Poe had followed his success and he was proud of everything that he had accomplished, sometimes he was even jealous. He was not necessarily jealous of the success but he wished he were more like his friend, a stronger man. Ben had always been one to take chances, even risky ones and Poe admired him for it. After all, it had been Ben who pushed him to ask Finn out and it was without a doubt the best decision he ever made.

“Is Rey here?” Ben asked gruffly, not wanting to converse with Poe any longer than necessary.

“You know she is, Ben. What happened?” Poe walked out of the entranceway and closed the door behind him.

Ben rolled his eyes, clearly frustrated.

“Did Finn not tell you?”

“No, he just said something happened at the bar with Rey and Hux. Then you showed up and told him to take Rey back here, they were beyond wasted. Rey was crying and they just went upstairs, I did not want to disturb them,” Poe looked down at his feet, unsure of what else he could divulge or say.

When Finn had come home with his drunk, crying sister in tow, it scared him. Then Finn mentioned that Hux, Ben and Rey had all been in the same building together and that alcohol was involved, and he immediately assumed the worst.  
  
Poe’s biggest worry was that his sister was upstairs crying and he did not know what to do, he felt useless. Ever since that day in New York, she had become increasingly distant from him and it left him unsure of his place in her life. He felt like he was walking on a cliff edge with her. One wrong move, one wrong word and she would push him off and out of her life entirely.   


“Does he hit her?” Ben replied bluntly, a raging storm inside of him but he worked to calm it. He needed to know if the situation had been going on for a while, if Hux’s abuse towards Rey was common knowledge.

If it had been, if Hux had been hurting her and Poe had sat back and done nothing about it, he was sure he would beat him to a pulp on his doorstep. At the same time, he knew that Poe had been a prick to him but he could not see him allowing Hux to get away with harming Rey.

“What? Hux! No! If he did, Ben, I would fucking kill him! Why would you even think that?” Poe defended angrily, not aware of the reasoning behind such a question.

Bile rose in his throat. No, Hux could not be hitting Rey…but if he was, did Ben really think he would just sit back and let it happen? That was his sister!

Ben stepped forward, inching closer to Poe. He spoke lowly, almost a whisper.

“He almost attacked her at the bar. He hurt her, grabbed her arms and almost fucking crushed them. All because she was out drinking with your boyfriend.”

Breathing harshly out of his nose, he stepped back from the stunned Poe and looked down the empty street as he tried to calm himself again. Replaying the scene in his mind had filled him with anger again, fuck, he was angry about the whole situation.

A silence lingered between the two men as the words sunk into Poe’s mind.

“He did what? Please tell me you are joking,” Poe choked out, shocked and flustered over what he had heard. He needed to get his hands on his brother in law as soon as possible. Hux was a dead man.

Ben snapped.

“Yes, Poe, it is all one big fucking joke! Do I look like I am laughing?” Ben turned to face him once again, his eyes darkened into a deadly gleam.

Poe huffed in exasperation.

“No, I did not mean it literally. I just cannot believe it, I will fucking kill him, Ben. Is she okay?” He asked, struggling to absorb all he had heard.

Ben laughed bitterly, a low grumble.

“I doubt it.”

 “You are saying that Hux did this because she was out drinking with Finn?” Poe asked quietly.

“Yes,” Ben snipped, annoyed that he had to go over the details when all he wanted to do was to speak with Rey.

“He hates him, Finn, I mean. Hux always says he is a bad influence on Rey. He does not like them going out, especially drinking, something about his public image. He does not appreciate the way Finn speaks to him either,” Poe adds softly, as if in a daze as he looked in the window and wondered how everything had got to this point.

“That makes sense; Finn put him in his place tonight as well. He has balls, always had,” Ben laughed.

He thought back to the time that Finn punched him square in the jaw when they were younger after he had knocked Poe off a swing. He hurt for days after that one, that man had one mean right hook.

“I know, believe me. What happened with you and Hux?” Poe asked tentatively, he hoped Ben would confide in him.

He knew that this shaky truce, their ceasefire, would not last long but he was just enjoying being his friend’s company again, although he wished it were under different circumstances.

“I pulled him off of her. I told him to calm down and not to touch her like that again. I stayed calm, well, as calm as I could be,” Ben elaborated, quieting and trailing off near the end.

“I will speak to him. I swear, as far as I know, he has never touched her like that before and I will make sure it does not happen again. The bastard, I do not know what the fuck was going through his little mind. She can stay here as long as she needs to, Ben. I will look after her, I promise,” Poe spoke passionately, earnestly.

Ben only nodded in return, knowing that Poe’s words were true. He always had Rey’s best interests at heart, even if Ben did not always agree with them.

"Can I see her?"

"Are you sure she will be up to it, Ben?" Poe asked, regretting it as soon as he did.

The coldness crept back into his friend’s face as he stared at him, openly glaring.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Poe? I just told you I helped her, saved her, and now I want to make sure she is okay with my own eyes. I am not going to grab her and run away with her. Anyway, I am sure if I did, you would follow us to the ends of the Earth and just take her away from me again!” Ben spat, his anger flaring, a lion showing off his almighty roar.

“Look, I did not mean that, I-”

“Of course you did! You do not trust me with Rey, never have and never will. However, I guarantee this, I will not leave this house until you let me see her, and I will knock your fucking door down if I have to. So get off your high horse and let me in before I throw you through that door of yours, okay?” Ben’s chest heaved his eyes wild as he straightened his back, seething with a man that had once meant so much to him.

Poe, feeling every bit as little and guilty as he could, faced Ben, the regret overwhelming.

“I am sorry, I was unsure if she wanted to see you. I just want her to be okay. Follow me,” Poe responded quietly, wringing his hands in front of him.

Turning, he opened the door, held it for Ben, and then made his way upstairs. He could hear Finn and Rey whispering from the spare room so he knocked on the door lightly.

“Finn, Ben is here to see Rey, can we come in?”

“Sure, give us a minute,” Finn answered.

Ben, suddenly very worried, rounded on Poe.

“Does he know about Rey and me?” He asked quickly, quietly, and wondered if Rey or Poe had spilled the beans over the years and disclosed everything to Finn.

“No, we never told him,” Poe retorted, not exactly happy that he had kept the truth from his other half.

Ben nodded in response, thankful for their silence and waited for Finn to let them in. His heart beat furiously in his chest and if he was being honest, he was not sure what he was going to say to her. All that mattered to him was that he saw her; he needed to make sure she was okay.

A moment later, Finn appeared at the door, opening it slowly as he peeped out and peered at the two men behind it as they waited anxiously. It was obvious to them that he was exhausted and clear that he had been crying along with Rey, it only made Ben more eager to see her.

“She is pretty upset, Ben. It might not be a good time,” Finn said softly, curious as he wondered why Ben was even here.

He knew that he had been the one to help them tonight but he had never been close with Rey when he lived here. In fact, he had barely even looked her way or visited her street when they were growing up, except for when he wanted to hang out with Poe.

Finn looked between Poe and Ben and speculated over the conversation they had before they came up here. He knew how troubled Poe was, haunted by his broken relationship with Ben. However, he never wanted to talk about it whenever he asked him about it so Finn no longer mentioned it.

“Finn, let him speak to her, I promise you, it is fine,” Poe walked over and took Finn’s hand, escorting him away from the door.

Finn looked confused and Ben did not blame him, but it was not his concern. Right now, the only thing that mattered was the girl on the other side of that door. Mustering his courage, he quickly walked into the room and closed the door behind him.

“Ben?” He heard Rey’s small voice whisper his name.

Slowly turning, he stared at her, trying hard to conceal how much it killed him to see her like this. Rey needed him to be strong; she needed strength around her so he could not let his barriers crumble and fall. It was something Rey had always been good at, making him feel completely vulnerable without even realizing.

“I just wanted to check that you were okay, you know after tonight,” he answered, keeping his voice indifferent, aloof and shrugged his shoulders as if it was nothing at all.

“I am fine, just in shock I guess…” Rey’s croaky voice wobbled at the end, she did not know what else to say.

She had not been alone with Ben in over a year and she was not prepared for it in the slightest, she wondered if he was really standing there at all.

He looked better than ever, his hair was messy, a little dishevelled as though he had been running his hands through it. She envisioned his long slender digits caressing the raven tendrils and then she imagined him running them through her own hair. His hair always looked that messy after sex and it was one of the many reasons why she wanted round two straightaway.

Rey blushed and looked down at the sheets beneath her, pretending to pick at fluff that was not actually there.

“No wonder. Please do not tell me that is what you married. A man who abuses you,” Ben pleaded; he needed to know that she was not living a life in hell with the red haired man playing the part of the devil himself.

“No, he has not hit me before. He was just drunk and-”

“Do not make excuses for him! That is how it starts. I do not have to like you Rey, but I cannot stand by and let this happen to you. I will not,” he warned her, his voice cold like steel. He was close to losing it.

Ben walked over to the bed and took a seat next to her. Although it was not an appropriate time, he could not help but think of how beautiful she was. Her beauty threatened to take his breath away as he gazed at her. Even with her blotchy, red-rimmed eyes, she was a vision.

“I am not, I will speak to him. This will not happen again, I will not let it,” she vowed quietly.

“Neither will I,” Ben threatened dangerously, not considering his response in the heat of the moment.

Rey sat quietly for a moment, stunned at his declaration.

“Thank you, Ben. I know you hate me, I know the way we ended things was awful. I need to thank you for tonight. I do not know what would have happened if you were not there and I-” Rey started sobbing, the night’s events hitting her. She found it hard to breathe, to catch her breath.

Unable to stomach or bear the sound of her crying, Ben quickly pulled her into him, cradling her tight to his chest as she continued to cry. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should not be doing this, that it would hurt him as much as she was hurting right now.

It was situations like his that he wanted to avoid when he came back to Alderaan. Some part of him wanted to make her life hell, to make her suffer as she had done to him but here he was consoling her as her life went to shit.

He could not help himself though; he was weak in his resolve when it came to her. It would be that way until his dying day. He hated himself for it; he would never be free of her influence.

“I am so sorry, Ben. I made a mistake and I-”

No, he could not hear this. She had made her choice. He jumped away from her as if her touch and words had set him aflame, burning him. She was referring to their past, bringing up the night she left him, he could not hear it, and he could not go back to that dark place.

“No, do not go there. I came here to check that you were okay and that is it. Nothing else has changed between us, Rey,” he growled out, angry but he worked to soften his tone, she had suffered enough after tonight’s events.

“Okay, I am sorry,” Rey mumbled quickly as she tried to control the influx of salty tears that streamed down her face.

“Look, I am going to go. Although, there was another reason I came here. I heard you were looking for a job and I am opening a new bookstore in town. I need someone to help me run the shop and I was wondering if you were interested?”

Ben knew this was not the best idea but he figured that this way, he could keep an eye on her and it would not raise questions compared to his initial plan of sitting outside her front door every night, a pair of binoculars in hand as he watched her, to make sure she was safe.

“Work? With you?” Rey tested the words, unable to believe what she had heard.

Maybe she heard wrong. It was the last thing she expected to hear coming out of his mouth.

“Yes. This does not mean we are friends, it does not mean I forgive you. It just means I know that you are struggling and despite everything, I cannot just sit back and not help you. Plus, like I said, I need help and I know you are a good worker. Take it or leave it,” Ben explained.

“I will take it!” Rey responded immediately, both hopeful and excited at the prospect of getting out of the house, to break free from her suburban prison.

Ben raised his brows at her reaction; he could see how desperate she was, for this little slice of freedom.

“I will speak to Hux. I will be in touch, you get a good night’s sleep, okay?” Ben said and made his way to the door.

Rey lay back, a small smile forming on her lips.

“Thank you, Ben. For everything.”

Ben stiffened for a moment and closed his eyes. It was all too much.

“Sure.”

Needing to escape, he closed the door behind him and quickly ran downstairs and did not stop until he was out of the house. The walls and emotions were suffocating. He heard Poe shout after him but he was not waiting around, he needed to gain some distance from them all, to clear his mind. Tonight had been too much for him, seeing her again, as broken and as vulnerable as she was. Rey, reduced to a wilting flower. He was not sure how much more he could handle.

Everything he had planned was going to hell; he was going back on everything he had promised himself, on what he wanted to do and to fight against the pull of her, the town, seemed fruitless. It was as if his resistance was futile, he could not do anything about it.

“Want to tell me what you are doing coming to see my wife at this time of night?”

Ben swivelled and turned to face Hux, his former friend had taken a place in the shadows next to Poe’s house, and a murderous shadow to match covered his face. Well, when it rains, it pours.

 “Hux.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. Hux and Ben showdown is coming up...
> 
> What did you all think of the chapter? Ben is clearly still crazy in love with Rey and he can't handle seeing her like this. Even though he wants nothing to do with it, he can't just leave her to this life. He truly is a martyr, because even being in the same room with her breaks his heart.
> 
> Please leave me a comment letting me know what you think :)


	8. The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Hux have a long conversation about what happened to their friendship all those years ago...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who are following this story. This fic means so much to me and I appreciate you all coming on this ride with me. 
> 
> MASSIVE thanks to the amazing AlbaStarGazer who has edited this chapter for me. She literally went to town, in the best way! It's amazing just how much you get what I'm trying to do with these characters and you really add so much more depth to the story. THANK YOU <3
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the confrontation between Ben and Hux... it goes as well as you would expect.

_ Alderaan – August 2016 _

"Want to tell me what you're doing coming to see my wife at this time of night?"

Ben swivelled and turned to face Hux, his former friend had taken a place in the shadows next to Poe’s house, and a murderous shadow to match covered his face.

Well, when it rains, it pours.

“Hux.”

Ben was unsure of how to approach their impending conversation. There was always the option of honesty, he could tell Hux that he was in love with his wife and had been long before the married couple had even met. Perhaps he could tell him that he did not deserve Rey and that he was treating her like a neglected toy, one in which he was unwilling to part with, the urge to control and separate her from everyone else taking priority over her happiness. Hux was like a rabid dog, he was reluctant to let anyone near his prized possession, his toy of a wife, whom he exerted complete control over but he did not give her the attention, affection and love she craved.

However, the timing for such words was terrible. Hux was intoxicated, far too gone to understand or cope with such honesty with any kind of rationality. Ben dredging up the past would only make things harder for Rey at home, it would shake the walls of her suburban prison and Ben could not be the one behind such destruction. There would come a time though, when he hoped that he could speak of the past but tonight was not the right time. 

“I was here to see my friend, it is not my fault that Rey was here too,” Ben replied nonchalantly, shrugging his broad shoulders in a way that presented him as aloof and unconcerned with Hux’s line of questioning.

It was a grave understatement to say that the night had declined into a massive disaster. On one hand, he wanted to close the distance between him and the inebriated Hux and pummel him into the ground, to leave him ruined, bloodied and suffering for how he dared to treat Rey, he had done it right in front of him too, he was maddened, incensed.

That was not the right course of action though, no matter how fiercely his fists burned, his knuckles white with exertion, poised and ready to deal a hellish blow to his former friend. To strike him down would be intoxicating, a rightful and mighty kind of retribution. Alas, Hux’s judgment day had to be postponed, Ben wanted to open his bookstore here and he could not anger or insult the soon to be mayor of the town too much, regardless if they had once been best friends.

“Funny that, considering you are the one who told her to come here, so how about you try again, Solo,” Hux grinned, a manic kind of faux smile.

He did not smile out of happiness; there was no joke in his words. It was the smile of a man whose life seemed to be falling apart around him and he was struggling to regain control of all of it, to conquer and to grip his possessions once again. Rey was one of those possessions.

It was clear that he was calling Ben out, to provoke him and to draw the truth from him. Hux knew there was something going on with him; Ben Solo was someone he knew well and in all that time, he showed nothing but indifference to everyone, the man was incapable of caring for others, especially women. His entire life, he had shown very little attention to anyone but here he was, visiting his wife and Hux wanted to know why Rey was suddenly attracting Ben’s interest.

“It did not seem like she would be safe with you tonight,” Ben replied easily, he was not going to stand down.

If Hux wanted a truthful answer, he would give it to him. He just had to be careful of his words and not divulge anything too compromising, something that would arouse suspicions. It was obvious that this conversation was not going to go as easily as Ben would have hoped it would. Hux was an intelligent man, cunning at times, and it was evident that despite his intoxicated state, he was piecing things together, his drunk mind almost too sharp and spinning with possibilities.

Of course, Ben had come here to check on Rey and Hux knew that. It was the reason for such a visit that he was ignorant of. When Hux first met them, he had never considered the pair to have any sort of relationship or connection, they were just two acquaintances in a small town, after all, everyone knew everyone in Alderaan. All those years ago, he had asked Ben about it but he completely shot him down and Ben told him to pursue Rey if that was what he wanted.

Then Ben had fled Alderaan, made a life away from the town, admittedly a successful life whereas he built his life with Rey so there was no way, it was not even a possibility to him that there could be anything between the two of them. At least that was what Hux kept telling himself but there was something off, something unnerving that he could not quite grasp. It was as if he was missing something of massive importance that would change everything.

“Not your call to make, _friend_ ,” Hux spat, his tongue bitter when he pronounced the final word.

It was at that moment that Ben instinctively knew that Hux saw him as anything but a friend. They were nothing to each other now, nothing more than obstacles in each other’s paths. The anger radiating from Hux towards him was almost foreign, frightening and he was unclear of how this was going to unfold. The ginger man was flushed, red faced and seething like the devil himself as he stood in the shadows, coiled for anything.

Though, if he wanted a fight then Ben was more than happy to give him one, his self-control was wavering with every moment that passed between the two, all he had to do was envision Hux with his hands on Rey and he would explode, he would lose it. He would unleash a fury never before seen in a man and make Hux the target, the unlucky soul who would withstand the worst of his exploding self. It would be red hot, visceral and uncontrollable. Hux did not stand a chance against him, especially in his inebriated state. It would have been almost cruel if Hux had not warranted and deemed himself worthy of such a punishment.

Ben had always remembered Hux as a kind person, quite unlike the man who stood opposite him now. When they were younger, it was always Ben who found himself in trouble, he often provoked it, craved it. Hux had been the calmer of the duo, he had always been at Ben’s side as he tried to make him step back and think about his actions, but he was often unsuccessful and Ben went ahead and did many stupid, wild things. It was a Solo trait, once you had your mind set on something, no one could change it or persuade you otherwise. The Solos were well known for running in without a plan, they were rooted in action and only sat back to think of their decisions after the deed.

Ben knew it was his downfall, him leaving town in the first place was confirmation of that, he went ahead and left without considering the consequences and implications that came with it.

The tension between the two men was dark now, thick and heavy with silent accusations and a deep hatred. There was no going back to the carefree days of their friendship.

“Actually, _friend,_ I think it was. You were hurting her and I am not okay with that. Now, you can be pissed at me all you want, but it is not you Hux, you do not do this,” Ben responded, hoping to get through to his old friend, he prayed that the person he once knew was in there somewhere, caught up in all that darkness.

He wanted him to realize how fucked up this whole situation was and what he was doing was wrong, nasty and nothing like the person who would talk him down, the one who would try to make him see wrong from right.

Instead, Hux laughed at him, a boisterous, offending sound and pulled out a beer from the bag he had with him and opened it.

“How would you know? I have not seen you in years! You just fucked off, caring only about yourself as usual and you did not care about how much you left behind. Do you know how upset your parents were? Of course you did not, the mighty Ben Solo only cares about himself and that will never change!”

Hux shook his head at the man in front of him and spat at his feet. Chugging the beer, he drained the glass in seconds and smashed it between them. Ben did not flinch but the silence between them was eerie, a warning.

Hux had believed they were best friends, Ben had always said that they were. It did not matter where they roamed or if Hux was off at college or what happened in the world, they had always had each other’s backs. That was until Ben disappeared, until he upped and left like a ghost in the night. To this day, Hux still did not understand it, never being able to reason or presume what had caused Ben to flee.

Of course, he knew Ben wanted to be free of the town, to rid himself of the social pressures that came with living in a small town, of the whispers and the lack of privacy. What he failed to understand was how his so-called best friend could run away without so much as a goodbye; to be as good as dead until now and reappear like nothing had happened.

“I know I left the wrong way, I should have said goodbye to everyone but something happened and I could not, okay? It does not matter now, what matters is how you treat your wife. We were kids then, we cannot use that as an excuse now,” Ben tried to reason.

He understood Hux’s anger and frustration about him leaving. The whole town had been outraged about it, furious that he could leave without looking back and escape their clutches. The moment he left, he knew he had went about it in the wrong way but it did not matter, not after he broke Rey’s heart and sent her into the arms of another man, his best friend. He had fucked up royally and he could not make amends so he started, anew- fresh. Away from Alderaan, he recognised his mistakes and flaws and it pushed him into becoming a better person, someone people could be proud of, someone he could face in the mirror day after day.

It was almost unbelievable now that the roles were reversed between the two, that while Ben had thrived in his success and understanding of himself, Hux had declined so horribly, a shell of the man he had once known, a monster in his place. No matter what Ben had dabbled in during his childhood, the messes he found himself in, he would never physically hurt a woman, ever, there was no excuse for such a cowardly deed.

“I do not need a lecture from you, Ben and you do not need to patronize me. I have everything I always wanted; I own this town, the big house and the hottest woman in this place. I do not need any life lessons from you,” Hux spluttered, retrieving another beer from his bag and popping it open. He drank deeply, glaring at Ben. He was swaying, content with his level of intoxication.

“Then why does it look like your life is a fucking mess?” Ben could feel himself starting to shake in fury.

Ben shoved his fists into his jacket pocket and squeezed them hard, Hux’s words sliced through him deeper than any knife could. He did not need a reminder of what Hux possessed and what he did not. He did not need reminding that Rey was married to this moron of a man and not him. She was far more precious than anything he owned and he wanted her, not matter how much it killed him to admit it. She was the love of his life and unattainable, it tore him in two and Hux’s words maddened him.

He was trying to keep calm, to quash and kill the anger within him, he had gotten a lot better at it over the years but when Rey was involved, there was no hope; there was nothing that could extinguish or even touch those flames. Her very name had him on edge and Hux’s bragging was prodding him as one does a caged lion. He could only take so much.

Unable to help himself, he thought about what things would have been like it he had not have left, if he had not told Rey she was nothing to him.

They would have married, Rey and him, he was certain of that. She would have never have looked at Hux and this completely chaotic mess would not have happened. They would have been happy, he would have given her a white picket fence and the house if that was she wanted, he would write his books and then worship her every night and she would help people, just like she wanted to all those years ago.

“My life is not a mess, it is not. I was drunk tonight, Rey was drunk and things happened. Look, things have changed around here since you left. People do not put up with crap anymore; the stuff we used to get away with is not tolerated now. I make sure of that. So, if you are here on some vendetta against this place, then forget it. I do not want to Ben but I will make your life a living hell here,” Hux threatened and walked closer to Ben.

The men differed in height and stature, Ben was tall, much taller than Hux and he was filled out, all broad shoulders and well-earned muscle. Hux was shorter and scrawny, having never grown into his slender limbs but what he lacked in sheer size, he made up with by the wicked gleam in his piercing blue eyes, and they were bloodshot and rimmed red, an intimating feature. No, Hux could not tower over Ben Solo but he was not disadvantaged, he could be intimidating if the situation called for it.

It was all too much for Ben, the coy smile, the threat and the stench of Hux’s breath on him, it reeked of cheap beer and filled his nostrils and because of that, he snapped. It was the final straw; his control was lost to the night.

He lurched forward and grabbed onto the collar of Hux’s shirt, his grip was like an iron vice, so much so, that Hux could not move, let alone breathe as Ben pulled him off his feet.

“Look at you, thinking you are the big man because you wear a fancy suit and get to order people around all day. Let me tell you something; if you ever threaten me again or if I find out that you ever touch Rey again, I will end you,” Ben seethed, his voice disturbingly low.

He pushed Hux as hard as he could, releasing his hold on his collar and watched as the man fell to the ground in a crumpled heap.

“You son of a bitch!” Hux roared before he tried to stand, using the wall as an aid.

It was no use, he had consumed too much alcohol and his limbs failed him terribly. He slumped back to the ground once more and glared once more at Ben.

“Do not push me, Hux. I might have grown up but I can still kick your ass. Now, go home and sleep this off. Do not forget about what I said in regards to Rey, if you harm even one hair on that head of hers, then I will kill you,” Ben seethed.

He meant every single word; he would tear him apart if he harmed Rey.

Hux only nodded in return. He knew that if this continued, Ben would make good on his promise and he was in no condition to fight. Hell, even if he was, he knew Ben could crush him with very little effort, Ben’s temper was legendary and his size only contributed to that. He was a human wrecking ball.

He attempted to pull himself up again, to regain some of his dwindling dignity and face him like a man but mostly he did so to get the last word in as always. He wanted to push Ben Solo, make him angry so he would slip up and reveal what he was hiding behind those obsidian eyes. The feeling that he was somehow out of the loop with something washed over him and it irked him terribly, a foreign concept. Ben was keeping something from him, he was withholding something important and he was going to find out what it was, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

“Something happened; there is something you are not telling me. Why the interest in Rey? She has never glanced your way or given you a second thought. Do you like her? Do you think she is hot? That is it, is it not? You think you actually have a chance with _my wife_?” Hux snorted, as he found his footing, he leaned off the wall and laughed in Ben’s face.

Ben’s reaction did not disappoint, the red head grinned maliciously as the telltale twitch of his eye gave him away; the fists at his sides were only further evidence of his theory. He had hit the nail on the head. It all made a little more sense to Hux now. Ben Solo wanted her, he wanted _his wife_. He wanted what was rightfully his and there was no way in hell that he was going to let that happen, he would not let her slip from his grasp. Rey would only ever belong to him, whether she wanted to or not, she would never be free of him. He would hunt both of them down to the ends of the earth if they tried to run.

Ben was livid, almost senseless as Hux snickered at him and spouted his accusations. It took every bit of self-control that he possessed not to punch Hux straight in the jaw and not stop until he was unrecognisable, a bloody mess on the sidewalk. The blood would calm him and it would wash away all the filth that spilled from the devil’s mouth. He wanted to scream at him, hurl the truth at him and tell him that Rey had loved him first, that she had shared herself with him before she met Hux, that he loved her with every part of his soul and how he would burn the whole fucking town down if it meant he could have her again.

Ben wanted to enlighten him and divulge that he and Rey had shared a bed more times that he could count, that he knew her body like the back of his hand; it was forever branded into his mind. He wanted to tell him how she would always beg for more, that no one could love her like he had, no one made her come undone like he did. Better yet, he wanted to whisper in Hux’s ear and tell him that he had _fucked_ his precious fiancé last year, a week before their wedding and that she was close to leaving him.

Ben did not though, it was not the right time, he could not deal with the fall out or jeopardise Rey’s safety in anyway, not whilst Hux was so unpredictable.

“You do not need me to steal your wife from you; you are already doing a stand up job of driving her away all by yourself. You had better watch your back from now on, Hux. I am going to be watching you, you hear me?” Ben growled, sneering angrily as he pushed Hux once more away from the house, it was time for him to leave.

Hux huffed incredulously and took his leave, he swayed from side to side as he disappeared down the street, albeit slowly as he stumbled. Ben sighed and kicked the wall out of frustration. His confrontation with Hux had not gone to plan. He had not even breached the fact that he offered Rey a job in his store. He would need to visit Hux tomorrow when he sobered up, maybe he would understand. However, he doubted it greatly. The man was stubborn and had turned into something vicious, unknown to him in their years of separation. He did not know him anymore.

Ben should have felt guilty when he looked at Hux, he knew that, a better man would be torn up at the idea that he hurt his former friend and that he loved his wife, but he could not. Like Hux had said, things had changed around here and no one was more evidence of that change than Hux himself. The man he had become was a stranger to Ben.

Alderaan was something out of a nightmare, it was clear that Hux, like the other ninety-nine percent of the town was brainwashed with their unrealistic and warped ideals. Ben had sworn from an early age that he would not fall into the honey trap, that he would keep his own mind guarded and true. Influential families ran the town and their manipulation knew no bounds, they would mould every person and situation into what they wanted it to be and it was terrifying.

Ben was still unsure of why he came back, maybe he would have been better off if he stayed away. He had to come back though, for a mixture of things, Rey primarily but also Poe, his parents and to try sort out the hell that was Alderaan.

With one final glance and sweep of the street, he made sure Hux was gone and then Ben started his own walk home and thought of a time where things were not so fucked up.

* * *

_ Alderaan – June 2010 _

“Fucking hell, Rey, you taste so good,” Ben moaned, he parted her folds and plunged his tongue deep inside her and lapped up her juices.

Rey locked her legs around his head, caging him in and drew him in deeper, grinding into his face.

“Ben, shit,” Rey moaned in return, breathless and flushed, she knew she was going to explode within seconds.

Ben stopped his ministrations, freeing himself from the fleshy prison that was Rey’s thighs and watched Rey jut shamelessly into thin air and wriggle on his bed. Her head shot up, her eyes wide and glazed when she realized he had stopped his workings, a look of sheer desperation on her pretty face. He loved seeing her like this, her face tinged pink, her hair a fucked mess and the way she chewed that sexy lip of hers, it was heaven. He loved driving her crazy; he would bring her to the brink and edge her until she was mewling mess. He loved deciding when he would gift her a sweet release.

“Why did you stop?” She panted incredulously.

She was trying desperately not to show how much he was affecting her, that she needed him to finish what he started. If he did not, she was unsure of how she could cope; she was a boneless mess on the edge and craved a release, preferably induced by his hands, his tongue or his delicious cock.

“Oh, because you shouted my name, I thought maybe you wanted me or something? Did you want to talk?” Ben raised his brows, feigning innocence but both of them knew he was teasing her.

He laughed, his hot breaths breezing against her clit and she groaned, picked up a pillow from behind her head and smacked him with it.

Ben had never laughed so much in his life, he was having an amazing time with her and Rey brought out a part of him he thought never existed, and he was carefree. She was a breath of fresh air. She was not one of those girls who pestered him about moving forward or tried to make him commit to something he was not ready for. She never asked what they were to each other and it suited him. She knew the rules; hell, she had sat down and made them with him. They were having fun and there was no other place he would rather be.

“You are a complete dick,” Rey growled, not impressed that he was not between her legs and giving her the best orgasm of her life already.

“A dick, you say?” Ben replied coyly, sitting back on his knees. He locked gazes with her as he stood and unbuckled his jeans and slid the fabric down his legs.

He stood naked and unabashed and what a sight it was. Rey gulped when his cock sprang free, it was long and thick like the rest of him and she had to remind herself that it had been inside her countless times and that it did in fact fit.

Ben watched her, her mouth agape as she sized him up. He curled his fist around his cock and pumped his shaft a few times, readying himself for the dream that was Rey’s tight pussy. Keeping his eyes on her, he opened a drawer and pulled out a condom, it was the fourth one they had used today. A day in bed with Rey was not a lazy one; she worked him well, just as he did the same to her. He expertly rolled the condom over his length, hissing over how sensitive he was, he was more than ready to drive himself home. Walking to the edge of the bed, he grabbed Rey’s shapely calves and pulled her to the edge.

“Tell me what you want, Rey,” Ben commanded, he needed her to say it, how she wanted him and him alone, those magic words that drove him, spurred him to fuck her senseless.

“You know what I want,” Rey responded, a rosy blush spreading across her cheekbones.

Her shyness surprised even her. Ben had taken her in every single way, every position, almost every single day for a few months now. They were well past the point of being embarrassed around each other, he had seen every bit of her, tasted and kissed every inch of her skin; he read her body so well. She had never been with anyone before that had made her like this; it was as if he owned her, possessed more than just her body. She was at his disposal, she needed more of him and she would never tire of what he offered her. Ben Solo was a drug and she was completely addicted, she did not possess the strength to deny herself such a pleasure.

“Say it,” Ben growled, throwing both of her legs over his mighty, broad shoulders. He fisted his cock and dragged it up and down her wet needy slit, coating it with her sweet juices. Her heated core was calling to him, the temptation almost too much.

“Fuck me, Ben, please!” Rey whined, digging her nails into his thighs, she was desperate now, more so than before. She needed him inside of her.

Ben responded to her begging and slammed into her, driving home into her wet heat. It was impossibly tight and gripped his cock like a vice; he would never tire of how she milked his cock, her walls clamping down on him.

They both called out as one, a symphony of pleasured groans as he buried himself to the hilt. They were one and connected in a way he never thought possible, it rippled between them and it seemed as if it would never waver. Each of their bodies were fire and they were going to burn together, each in dire need of a release that only the other could give.

“So fucking tight, baby,” Ben gritted out, kissing her throat and then he leaned back as he watched her cunt swallow his cock completely, she took it beautifully; she was made to take it.

He swivelled his hips and started to pump in and out of her, he was not easy on her, he rammed into her with a frenzied urgency, chasing his orgasm as she urged him on.

If he managed to spend the rest of the summer doing this, then he was the luckiest son of a bitch in Alderaan. He had known from the first time he fucked her that she was something else. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before; she was unlike any woman he had been with. She was a goddess and he wished to worship her body any time she wanted him to.

Rolling his hips and altering the angle, he pounded into her and hit that sweet bit inside of her, the rigged piece of flesh that drove her wild and that made her eyes roll back into her skull as she became boneless in his grip. He wrapped his hands around her ankles on either side of his neck and moved faster. He gazed downwards and watched in pure, unadulterated pleasure as she started to come undone beneath him. She was biting her fist now, muffling a scream. That would not do, he moved to tear her hand away, he wanted her to scream and let everyone know who was fucking her, for her to shatter the windows and move walls with her wails.

“Ben?”

Ben stilled as Rey pulsed around him and then he heard a knock at his bedroom door and his friend’s voice calling for him.

“I am busy, Poe,” Ben responded, trying his hardest not to sound like he was balls deep in his friend’s little sister. He was breathless, heart racing as his cock twitched inside of her.

“I need to talk to you, now. Can I come in?” Poe tried to open Ben’s door, jiggling the handle when he realized it was locked. That was confusing; Ben’s door was never locked. He knocked again; even more curious to what was going on.

“Fuck sake,” Ben whispered, pulling himself out of Rey, instantly missing the feeling of being buried inside of her.

Below him, Rey was flustered and in need of an orgasm, she was twitching, Ben had edged her enough but at the same time, she was petrified that Poe would find them together.

“Shit, what do we do, Ben?” Rey asked quietly, her eyes flashing to the door, her brother stood just beyond it and she was close to freaking out. 

Poe would not understand what was going on with them. He would probably try killing Ben and then proceed to tell her that she was not to go near him again. He would not let her out of his sight, he was protective of her, perhaps too overprotective but he took his role as older brother seriously. She could not let him spoil this for her.

“Hide, quickly.”

Ben grabbed Rey’s clothes, opened his closet door, and threw them inside before motioning for her to follow suit.

Rey did not think twice as she jumped in the cupboard, as naked as the day she was born and Ben closed the door behind her. Grumbling, he pulled the condom off and threw it in the trashcan before pulling his jeans on. Making sure to check himself in the mirror, he flattened his wild, obviously just fucked hair as much as he could. Rey had done a number on it; she had near enough pulled it out at the roots when he went down on her. He liked it though; he loved a bit of pain, especially if he could pleasure Rey as he received it.

Satisfied that he seemed a little less fucked, he moved towards the door.

“This better be good,” Ben said and unlocked the door, opening it wide as Poe barged in. He cursed his existence as his hard cock chafed inside his jeans.

“What were you doing in here?” Poe asked, surveying the room. He was more than curious as to what Ben had been up to and why he required his door to be locked.

Poe had come over about five minutes before and he could have sworn he had heard two voices coming from Ben’s room. He knew that he would not have any girls over though; Ben’s mother did not allow it. She was always firm in her resolve when she said that if Ben wanted to mess around, it had to be outside of their house. She did not want the neighbours asking questions and raising their brows at her son’s loose morals.

“Nothing, why so nosy?” Ben challenged, crossing his arms across his chest. He hoped that Poe did not notice the stale smell of sweat and sex in the air. He licked his lips, still tasting Rey’s arousal upon his tongue and cursed her brother again for his intrusion.

“You never lock your door that is all. Anyway, the reason I am here is to ask if you have seen Rey by any chance?” Poe asked, he knew it was a long shot. Ben and Rey barely looked at each other, let alone knew each other well enough to keep tabs on one another.

Ben’s eyes nearly bugged out of his skull as he worked to portray a mask of indifference.

“What Rey?” He furrowed his brow and acted confused as to why Poe was asking him about her.

Ben had been sure that his friend had no idea what was going on between them. If he ever saw her in Poe’s presence, he tried to act as if he did not even see her and he would not give her the time of day. They were careful that way; they did not want to arouse suspicion. Admittedly, it was fucking hard because Rey knew how to tease him; she would wear the shortest shorts and skimpiest little tops to get to him. She was a vixen, she was no angel and she knew exactly what effect she had on him. It only made him want her more.

“You know, my little sister,” Poe elaborated, rolling his eyes.

He was not sure why Ben was playing dumb all of a sudden, yes they were not close but him and Ben were and Rey was an extension of that.

“I know who you are talking about! I just do not understand why you are asking me,” Ben retorted, leaning against the wall.

“Our parents have been trying to contract her all day but her phone is off and now they are worrying and pretty much have a search party on the go!”

Poe was worried about his sister. It was unlike her to take off and not contact anyone for a full day. He could not blame their parents for acting this way, they had always been so protective of her and he was too, it had trickled down to him. She had a hard life before she came to them and they all wanted to make sure that no harm would ever come to her again.

“Oh fuck, really? Well I have been in here all day so I have not seen her. If I hear or see anything I will let you know,” Ben replied, he was thankful that they had not been caught.

He could only imagine the hell the Dameron’s would rain down on him if it were discovered that their daughter and sister was currently naked and holed up in his closet.

“Thank you. I am worried about her, Ben,” Poe looked down at his feet.

He knew that his friend was aware of how much Rey meant to him. They did not share the same blood but she was his sister, she was the closest family he had, he loved her even more than their own parents sometimes. He did love his parents but the connection he shared with his sister was something he had always craved as a child and when Rey arrived, it was immediate and their bond was unbreakable. He would be there for her in any way she needed him and he knew she would drop everything for him. He needed to know she was okay.

“She will be fine, Poe. It is Alderaan, nothing bad ever happens here. She probably just needed a break from all you crazy people wanting to know where she is every minute of every day!” He joked, nudging Poe’s shoulder as he tried to escort him out of the room.

“I know, thanks man. I will let you know if we find her. Also, you need to spray something in here, it smells a little funky,” Poe scrunched up his face as he made his way out of Ben’s room to continue his search for Rey.

Ben let out the breath he did not realize he was holding. That was close. Careful and to make sure Poe was out of hearing range, he moved and locked the door again and rushed over to his cupboard. He opened it to find a nude Rey sitting inside it, just where he left her.

“Sounds like people are looking for you,” he said casually.

He tried not to stare at her too much or think of how thrilling it was to have her at his mercy like this. Could he not just keep her? He knew she would have to leave now so getting turned on was not a good idea and despite them fucking four times that day, he would be needy with a big case of blue balls until he could see her again.

“I heard. They are doing my head in! It is as if I cannot even breathe without them questioning me or wondering what I am doing. This whole town is suffocating! I need to leave, Ben, I am sorry,” Rey muttered softly.

Ben offered her his hand and she entwined their fingers as he helped her up and out of his closet.

Ben kissed the back of her hand, his tongue crazing her knuckles.

“We will continue this later, Rey,” Ben promised.

Then he grabbed her waist as he brought her into them, her nipples brushing against his bare chest.

“We will,” She responded, flushed again as she leaned up, pulling his hair as she kissed him with everything she had in her.

And they did continue it.

Instead of waiting until later, he had her right there against his closest door. They could not find it within themselves to care that most of the town was out looking for her.

She had been grounded for a week after that.

* * *

 

_ Alderaan – August 2016 _

“Are you okay, peanut?” Finn asked tentatively as he walked back into the room to check on Rey.

He was worried about her; her eyes were still red and puffy from crying but there was something else about them, despite everything that had happened tonight, she seemed almost happy.

He had no idea what was going on or why Ben Solo was so adamant that he spoke to Rey earlier. Finn was missing something, there was something that Rey was keeping from him, perhaps even Poe too as he fought for Ben to see her.

It seemed like everyone knew something and he was the one on the outside looking in, the ignorant one to it all. It upset him and he wanted nothing more than to know what exactly was going on with his best friend. He just hoped she would open up to him.

“I am fine, I am just drained I guess. I am sorry about all of this, Finn,” Rey replied, lifting her head from the pillow.

She motioned for him to join her on the bed and wiggled across, making room for him.

Rey knew she had to finally tell Finn about her big secret. She was surprised that she had managed to keep it hidden for so long; Finn was smart and had always had a knack of being able to pry people’s secrets from them. He was the kind of person you wanted to share you deepest and darkest secrets with, he was a beautiful soul, someone who understood even the most difficult of situations.

“Do not be silly, sweetie. I am just confused. What is going on with you and Ben? I have never seen him act that way.”

Rey inhaled, taking a deep breath. She knew what she was about to admit to her best friend would change everything.

"Finn…I have been in love with Ben Solo for six years."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DEEP BREATHS.
> 
> Hux is horrible, really horrible and now he is starting to put two and two together when it comes to Ben and Rey. 
> 
> Rey is finally about to tell Finn everything and also Hux will find out about Rey accepting Ben's job. 
> 
> If you want to talk about this story or really anything at all, come find me on tumblr @LoveofEscapism
> 
> Please leave me a comment. I would love to hear what you all think :)


	9. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one, I was on holiday and then have been SUUUUPEEER busy since I came home. This was so much fun to write, it was cathartic for Rey just as much as it was for me. She literally unloads everything about what happened on to Finn. 
> 
> Please excuse any grammatical errors, my lovely beta is taking a week off and I am nothing without her. 
> 
> However, she did hit me up with this amazing moodboard that I am completely obsessed with. AlbaStarGazer, is there no end to your talents? <3
> 
> Hope you all enjoy :)

 

 

_Alderaan - August 2016_

"I've…Finn, I've been in love with Ben Solo for six years."

Rey watched as Finn’s face changed instantly from concern to confusion. She knew he had no idea of what went down that Summer all those years ago. Rey and Ben had worked hard to make sure they had never been caught. Minus when it all blew up in their faces before he left, and her brother overheard. There were still some days that she wished Poe had never listened to their argument in the kitchen that day. She couldn't help but wonder that maybe things would have turned out differently for them, that maybe in New York they would have had a chance. It didn’t matter now though.

"Sorry, in love with who for how long?" Finn asked, wondering if he had heard her wrong. He was still feeling the affects of his drinks from the night out and was sure he had misheard what she had said.

"I've been in love with Ben Solo for six years," Rey repeated, watching her best friend try and process this information without completely freaking out.

She knew it was a massive bombshell to drop on him and to be honest it was a massive deal for her to even say it out loud. It was something she had tried so hard to bury, something that she knew she would never be worthy of. The guilt she felt for how she treated him in New York killed her, not to mention the fact that when she was there she cheated on the man she was going to marry. The amount of mistakes Rey had made over the years were weighing down on her more and more. Everything that had seemed to make sense at the time was no longer ringing true and she wasn't sure with what she was supposed to do with that information.

"Ben, as in Poe’s best friend, Ben? The Ben who you've never even spoken a sentence to? Honey, I know you're upset but come on…" Finn replied, not sure if Rey was still drunk and talking crap.

"I'm being serious, Finn. Poe knows to he-" Rey quickly shut her mouth when she noticed her friend's reaction.

"Poe knew?" Finn asked, his mind racing as he tried to build the pieces together as much as possible.

However, it wasn't making any sense to him. None of this was. How could something like this have happened right under his nose and he not notice? He always knew everything about everyone. It was his thing. Finn couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen Ben before tonight, and now Rey was announcing that she was in love with him? Rey had been here, married to Hux no less, in Alderaan for her entire life. Ben hadn't been; he’d up and left as soon as he was old enough, not giving the town or the people in it a second glance.

"I'm confused, Rey. You're going to need to explain this to me. I've never even seen you actually talk to Ben Solo and now you're magically in love with him? Why didn't you tell me?" Finn moved closer to Rey on the bed, placing his hand over her own and giving it a small squeeze to help give her the strength to open up to him. He could see she was nervous as hell and to be honest, so was he. He had no idea what she was about to say. He knew it was going to be bad, really bad.

"It happened his last Summer here. I was so lost, Finn. I know you were all here for me, but I was really struggling with things. I felt so trapped and I couldn’t stop thinking about my birth parents. I know that I’m lucky for the family I have now, but sometimes they were so overbearing. They were smothering me, Finn, and I needed to feel free. This town has a way of pulling you in and overpowering you. All I was feeling was grief and resentment over what had happened. Then one day I ran into Ben and we started talking. He was the first person not to ask me question upon question about my family. He didn't look at me with pity and treat me like I might break. Instead he reminded me of the good things in life and I felt like I could breathe again. We would talk for hours about the most random things, but it was far more interesting than any other conversation I'd had. He shared his dreams with me, of leaving Alderaan and starting a life for himself, and it made me feel brave…he made me feel brave." Rey looked down at the bed covers, playing with them and trying to find some bravery again.

"I can't believe you were friends. That he helped you… that doesn't sound like the Ben Solo I know," Finn replied softly, unsure of what to say to his friend.

He'd always remembered Ben as being so angry all the time. He'd always had a temper on him, getting into trouble everywhere he went. He'd been the talk of the town. Poe had always stood up for him though, saying he was just misunderstood. Finn hadn't believed him then, thinking he was most likely biased towards his own best friend, but maybe he'd been right?

"Yes, well Ben is Ben, after all. I once asked him why he didn't let people see the good in him and he'd told me that people would see what they wanted no matter what. That in this town it didn’t matter what you were truly like, people would make their judgements anyway. I argued it with him, of course, on many occasions. Then, one of those times we were arguing he kissed me, and I guess it just escalated from there. We'd sneak out most days, meet up somewhere and fool around. I'd never felt more alive in a place surrounded by death, and it was because of him. I knew myself I could have went down a dark path and Ben saved me from that. He reminded me that I was my own person, that this town didn't have to dictate what I did with my life. He made it easy to fall in love with him; he was the best person I'd ever met," Rey sighed, talking about Ben had been much easier than she had thought.

"Wow, so you were like together, together? I genuinely had no idea. I mean I'd wondered sometimes where you were when you cancelled last minute and stuff, but thought maybe you just needed some time alone. I can't believe the entire time you and Ben were boning!" Finn shrieked, he had to admit that Ben and Rey were pretty well suited, and they would have the most beautiful babies.

"We were friends… with benefits. Ben wanted out of this town and I was staying put. There were no strings attached, until without us realizing there were. I knew I was in love with him and I didn't know what I was going to do about it. I didn't know if he felt the same way. I hoped he did, but sometimes he was so hot and cold. He'd told me he didn't believe in love and I stupidly believed him. Then, of course, Hux happened," Rey said, the fear about telling her friend the next part of the story washing over her.

Rey understood what happened wouldn't exactly shine her in the best of lights. She'd made mistakes, loads of them and she'd hurt people with her actions. She knew though that she needed to stop being a coward. In all honestly, she would love some advice from Finn about the situation, especially since she was feeling so lost. She could go to Poe, but he was too involved, and it was clear he had issues he needed to sort out with Ben that didn't involve her. She didn't want to distance them any further than she already had.

"My favourite person," Finn replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he thought about the man his best friend married.

"That night at Ben’s parent’s anniversary party, Hux obviously showed up and he was interested. I couldn't believe it. I mean I'd always thought he was hot, but never in a million years did I think he'd even notice me. We got on well and it was nice, but I didn't think anything of it. Then Ben came over, jealous as hell and dragged me outside… to well, you know. It was different than any other time, he was so passionate, all-consuming, and I could finally tell that he needed me just as much as I needed him. It felt like something had changed, like the feelings I felt for him maybe weren't just one way after all. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life," Rey grinned, thinking about just how good it had been that night. How invincible she had felt.

"Wow, so no headache then? Damn, you really were having all the fun!" Finn gushed, he was enjoying this story much more than he was letting on. The way Rey’s face lit up when she spoke about Ben was unlike anything he'd ever seen his friend do before. The light in her eyes was never there when she was with Hux and Finn couldn't help but think that she had made a big mistake.

"I know. So, then when I went home Hux showed up at my door, which I told you about at the time. I didn't care that he did though. I just wanted to finally tell Ben how I felt and the next day I got my chance, but it didn't exactly go the way I planned. Ben had completely changed overnight, he acted like he wanted nothing to do with me. Saying that he got what he wanted from me and that we would never be anything more. He said I was easy and boring…telling me to go with Hux if I wanted and that he didn't care. At the time I was heartbroken, completely and utterly heartbroken and I couldn't tell anyone. Ben left without saying goodbye the next day. He didn't even give me a chance to fight for him. I knew he'd been jealous over Hux, but with him leaving so quickly what if what he said was true? When it was clear he wasn't coming back I did what he said; I went out with Hux."

Rey leaned over picking up the glass of water next to the bed and took a sip. Rehashing the past was taking more out of herself that she realized. Seeing how well Finn had taken the whole thing so far, Rey regretted not telling him sooner. She'd just been so worried about how he'd react. In this town if people didn't agree with something it was made into a massive deal and Rey was sure that no one would have approved of her and Ben messing around, especially her parents.

"I can't believe you went through all this on your own, Rey. It’s mad that the last time you saw Ben was six years ago and you're still in love with him! Re-" Finn replied, not getting to finish his sentence as Rey interrupted him.

"I saw him after that, Finn.” Rey knew this was going to be the toughest part of her story and she wasn't a hundred percent sure how her best friend was going to react. Sure, he had always hated Hux, but Rey had cheated on him with Ben and if Finn was against something, it was infidelity.

"What? When? He didn't come to the wedding, I remember! When did you see him, Rey?" Finn asked as he tried to rack his brain to think about when this could have been possible.

"Last year… actually, just before I got married," Rey replied, looking down as her friend did the math.

"Your trip away? It was to see Ben?" Finn replied, shocked at just how much had went on with Rey that he didn't know about.

"No…maybe. I just needed closure before I got married. Ben had left in such a hurry and I'd never really gotten over that. He'd written that amazing book and it spoke to me. He spoke to me through it and I just had to see him. I couldn't marry Hux and move on properly if I didn't. I was scared, everything here was becoming to be too much for me. My parents, the wedding and Hux was all too much pressure. They were all constantly there, telling me what I should do, ordering me about and I needed to breathe again. The way I used to with Ben. I needed to speak to him about the past. I had to know he was happy."

Rey watched as Finn stood up and started pacing the room. It was clear his mind was going a mile a minute and Rey didn't blame him. It was a lot of information for once person to take in and she had a feeling that Finn knew what was coming next. Rey wasn't too sure if she should call Poe in to get a chance to explain his side of the story as well. She knew Finn wouldn't be happy about his part in it either, but he had a right to know now. Rey was determined not to keep any more secrets from him.

"So, you went and checked he was happy and then left?" Finn asked, turning to face Rey with his hands on his hips.

"Not exactly…" Rey looked down again, not brave enough to look at her best friend in the eye.

"I had a feeling you'd say that. Look, Rey, you don't need to worry about opening up to me. As hard as it is for me, I will try my hardest not to judge you," Finn joked, walking over and taking a seat next to Rey again. He could tell this was really tough for her and he was aware of this town's need for people to be perfect, especially the generation before him. The expectations on the everyone had always been crucial when growing up, even now when they were adults.

"Thanks, Finn. I just don't come off as the best person in the world with what happened in New York. I went and saw him, and we chatted, like how we used to chat. He apologised for leaving, saying he just wasn't in the right frame of mind then. We'd both been so young, still kids and we weren't ready to be together. He'd said he was no good for me then, but that I'd helped him, changed him into the man he was now. We went out for dinner and drinks and ended up dancing…things got heated and we spent the night together. I know I'll be going to hell for this, but it was amazing. I'd felt so numb with all the wedding stuff going on and he brought me back, again. He'd matured, and I could see he was the man I always knew he could be. We didn't really speak of Hux, I think both of us too scared to burst the bubble we'd thrown ourselves into. However, the bubble did burst when Poe showed up," Rey said, wondering how to continue the story.

She didn't want to say too much about Poe and his part in what happened. She understood that it would be hard for Finn to hear about something he had hidden for him. He'd done it out of being a good brother to Rey, but she wasn't sure if he would see it that way. She couldn't help wondering if maybe he would feel betrayed too? Rey tried to imagine how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

"Poe told me he was going to see Ben, but he said not to mention it to anyone and when he returned he asked me not to ask about it. He was being truthful in his own way I guess… I just always thought that they had maybe got into one of their epic arguments. I had no idea that you were there too."

It was all starting to make sense to him. It wasn't like Poe just to go and visit his friend out of nowhere, not that he would complain about that. He'd always wished they were closer and could never really understand what happened between them. It was clear though that he was about to find out the true reason and he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Well, he did come see Ben and he found him with me. It didn't take a rocket scientist to work out what we had been doing all night and Poe was not happy. He didn't understand what we were doing, what I had done. He reminded me that I'd made a promise to Hux, and that I'd be letting everyone down; my parents, this town… everyone. He told us we had years to do this, that we had our chance. I was so scared then, his reaction made me think about how everyone else would react as well. I thought he was right. I thought about how easy it was for Ben to leave me before. We'd only had three confusing months over one summer, Finn. I'd been with Hux for years. I knew what to expect with him, but with Ben it was so unpredictable. I wasn't sure he wanted me… I just didn't know what to do. I went with the easy option, obviously. Ben told us we were pretty much dead to him if we left, but it didn’t stop us, we left anyway. I didn't just ruin my relationship with Ben, but also his relationship with Poe. What kind of person does that make me? I cheated on my fiancé, Finn and looking back I don't think I regret it! How fucked up is that?" Rey whispered, like she was afraid someone else could hear what they were saying.

"Okay, I’ll admit it's pretty fucked up. However, the way I see it, Poe handled that situation all wrong. You were both adults when this happened, not the two kids who shacked up over Summer. You both knew what you were doing. I don't agree with the whole thing, but I get it. I get why you did it. I know what this stupid town is like, and I know what Hux is like. I know that you think you love him, I know that's what this town and more importantly your parents have pushed you to do. I need to be honest with you though, from what you've told me so far, you don't love him half as much as you love Ben Solo. Which, by the way I'm still trying to wrap my head around.” Finn knew he was probably going into dangerous ground, but how couldn’t his friend see the differences when she talked about Ben compared to her husband? Anyone would be able to see it.

He didn't want to say too much to Rey too soon, but he was excited about this. He knew his best friend wasn't happy with Hux. He knew it was all a front, but Rey had always been the Queen of denial. Finn had always thought she tried too hard to please everyone else; especially her adoptive parents. They made her care too much about what this town thought of her and it was clear it was sucking the life out of her. Finn understood she didn't want to disappoint them, but at some point, if she wanted to live her life the way she wanted, she would need to be selfish and stand up to everyone that was holding her back.

"It doesn't matter if I love Ben. We're never going to be together, he hates me! Plus, I'm married. I've set my life up…I've-"

"Rey, please. He does not hate you. Did you not see how he defended you with Hux? Then made his way over here to make sure you were okay? That is like the opposite of hate! Hate is some jackass that tries to hurt you… oh, I wonder who that could be?" Finn gave Rey a pointed look.

"He does hate me, and I don't blame him. Seeing him tonight, I know I need him in my life, even if it is as friends. I need his forgiveness, Finn. I need him to be happy," Rey said softly.

She'd decided that things with Ben would have to be put right. She knew she'd made her bed with her own life and she'd need to lie in it. However, she also knew she needed him in her life one way or another. So, friends it would have to be.

"Friends? Hmmm, whatever you say. So, what's you plan of action?" Finn himself was already coming up with different ideas to get these two people together. He may not have been involved in this up until ten minutes ago, but it didn’t mean he was going to sit back now and let Rey’s life fall apart even more.

"Well, he's asked me to work with him, so start from there. I'll try and get in his good book's if possible. I've been wanting to work for ages now, so it's great it's with something I actually care about. Plus, I can't wait to get out the house for a bit. Though, there is still the task of telling Hux," Rey responded, not sure how that was going to go down with her husband.

It was clear he didn't want her to work, but she needed to. If not, she was going to go crazy. She didn't want to be a kept woman all her life. She needed to use her brain and experience things. She needed some sort of freedom that this town enjoyed taking away.

"Working together? That's a great start, Rey and I know he will forgive you. Just watch what you are doing, okay? Just don’t let Hux stop you, who gives a fuck what he thinks! If you want to work, you work. You don't need his permission!" Finn huffed, the more he thought about Hux and how he treated his friend the more he wanted to kick him really hard in the nuts.

"I'm sure he doesn't see it that way… I'll need to tell my parents too. I'm sure that will be another fight." Rey started rubbing her head, trying to get rid of the headache that was threatening to tear through her when she thought of the conversations she was going to have to have about this job.

She'd decided it was worth it though. She needed to start standing up for herself. She needed to start working on herself and stop letting Hux and her parents stomp all over her. She was going to work for Ben Solo if it was the last thing she would do.

* * *

Ben looked at his phone, not believing how long he had slept in. For the last few years he'd always been an early riser, getting up before seven am every morning and starting the day right. He was shocked it was past nine and he was still in bed.

The events of the night before had taken its toll on him and he'd found it hard to fall over to sleep. His mind swimming with thoughts of Rey and the situation she found herself in with Hux. He'd known that Hux had a dark side, but nothing like this. If he found out that he'd ever laid one finger on her, Ben was sure that he'd kill him. It was the only thing that would suffice.

Rey had done many things in her life, a lot of them that he didn't agree with, but she didn't deserve what was happening to her now. Ben could see that Hux was hell bent on controlling every aspect of her life, the same way that her parents had done all those years ago. Back then though, she had been more willing to fight it, realising that what they were asking of her was too much. That was until he'd left her.

He thought about that day often, standing in the kitchen as Rey told him she could feel something more between them. She was going against everything her family had expected of her. This town had never been fond of Ben, even if he was from one of the more respected families. He'd never given into their bullshit, never believed any of the crap they spouted at their town meetings. They were all so invested in creating a perfect image and were too blind to realize just how outdated it was.

It had always pissed him off how stupid all their values were and the outlooks they had forced on their children. When they were younger, Hux had apparently agreed with him, but Ben was wondering more and more now if that had just been a front. It was obvious that he now believed it more than ever and he was bringing Rey down with him.

He thought back to the first time he knew he wanted Rey. They'd been sitting talking about nothing of importance and he couldn't help but stare at her as she threw her head back laughing at some smart comment he'd made. He'd realized then that he would never tire seeing that, that he was the one that wanted to make her laugh like that for as long as he could.

Ben sighed, thinking about how different things could have been if he'd just stayed. If he had just told her that he felt something more too, instead of being so scared that she might be interested in someone else. He was sure they would still be together, that they could have built a life together and fought the evil in this town. He was now left to do that himself, starting with Armitage Hux.

He jumped out of his bed, getting ready for the day ahead. He knew it wasn't going to be easy; he was going over to see Hux, to tell him that Rey would be working for him. He knew he wasn't going to be happy about it, that he'd probably accuse him of doing it for all the wrong reasons and maybe he was. That didn't matter though, because if Rey worked for him it meant he could keep an eye on her, he could keep her safe.

He couldn't deny that he was still angry as hell at her for New York. She'd completely broken his heart, the same way he'd done to her when he'd left. However, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if anything happened to her that he could have prevented. So, he would have to put her first for a while, his feelings be damned.

* * *

Rey said a quick goodbye to Finn as she jumped out the car and stood in front of her house. She felt so much lighter now that she wasn't hiding so much from one of her best friends and she knew it wasn't about to get any easier with Ben being in town.

Finn had taken the whole thing so much better than Rey had expected. She'd been so sure he’d be angry at her for hiding this for so many years, even worse she thought he would never forgive her for what happened in New York. He had surprised her and instead of being angry it seemed that Finn actually understood. Sure, he'd been completely surprised, not thinking for a second that Ben and Rey had ever even looked the road each other were on.

If he had been angry at anyone it was Poe, telling him curtly before they left that he would speak to him when he got home. Rey felt a little scared for him; the wrath of Finn was up there as one of the scariest things Rey had ever experienced and she wasn't going to lie, she did feel a little sorry for him.

Finn hadn't told her what he was going to say to him, telling her he would speak to her about it after he had it out with him. Rey was sure he wasn't happy about Poe getting involved. Ben hadn't been either. Rey had understood where he had been coming from, but again couldn't help wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t of showed up.

She couldn't blame Poe though; she was the one that had ultimately made all the decisions that brought her to this stage in her life. She knew she wasn't happy, talking to Finn had made her realize that. Her marriage wasn't going the way she had planned and seeing Ben brought up all these different feelings within her. Him offering her that job meant everything to her. She knew it wouldn't have been easy for him to do that. She hadn't even had to think about accepting it; she'd been craving a life outside of her home for ages. Hux had always made excuses for her, believing that she didn't have to work. Money-wise they were very comfortable, but it wasn't about money for her. It was something else entirely. She had to find herself again, she wanted to wake up in the morning with a purpose that didn't include what she was making for dinner that night.

Walking up the pathway to her house she looked around, breathing in the fresh air and all but tasting the freedom she longed for. This job would be a step in the right direction for her, she could feel it. It also helped that it would give her the chance to make things right with Ben. They'd started off as friends and she hoped they could get back there. Forgetting everything else, she'd missed their conversations. He looked at the world so differently from she did, always bringing a new perspective to things that helped her open her eyes.

Rey looked up, noticing Hux standing at the door; he'd been waiting for her coming home. She wasn't sure what to say to him. How he had acted last night was completely unacceptable and she could barely look at him. Her wrists were still sore from his tight grip and she shivered thinking about the anger she'd seen in his eyes. He'd always had a temper, especially when it came to her. Nevertheless, to get physical was something else entirely and she wasn't going to let that happen again.

"Are you going to come in?" Hux asked, opening the door a little wider.

Rey sighed, turning around to wave goodbye to Finn, noticing the glare on his face that was directed for her husband. Sometimes Rey envied Finn, wishing she could be as fierce and confident as he was. It seemed Rey’s neutral setting was pushover and she knew that needed to change.

"If I do, do you promise to behave?" Rey replied, staring Hux down with the same glare Finn had.

"Do you really need to ask that?" Hux looked down, clearly embarrassed at how he'd behaved the night before.

"I don't know, do I?" Rey asked, lifting up her arms to show her red wrists.

"Fuck, Rey, I didn't mean that. Please, just come into the house so I can explain."

Rey nodded, making her way up to the door and walking straight past him. She heard him close the door behind her and follow her into the kitchen. She opened the fridge, pulling out a cold bottle of water and made her way over to one of the seats at the breakfast bar. She'd planned what she was going to say to him before she got here, but now all the words she'd practiced had vanished. Instead, she waited to hear what he had to say, not sure if she was going to believe any word of it.

"I'm sorry, Rey. I know I hurt you, I didn't mean it. I just got so angry… I was drunk…I."

It seemed that Hux was speechless too, stuttering as he tried to find a way out of the mess he had created. He could tell Rey was pissed by the way she was looking at him. He'd never really known how to deal with her when she was like his, always thinking it would just blow over and leaving her to it. He knew this time however that he had a lot of making up to do.

"Don't give me that shit excuse, Hux. You fucking hurt me! Being drunk doesn't make it magically okay," Rey replied, angrily slamming her bottle on the counter in front of her.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not a good excuse. I just, I don't know what came over me. I saw you and I just snapped. You know we have an image to protect and you-"

"Excuse me?" Rey interrupted, the rage she felt at Hux throwing the blame onto her unlike anything she'd ever felt before. "You think that I'm the one that messed with our "image" last night?"

"Well, you were falling all over the place and people were watching. You can't do shit like that. I admit I didn't exactly handle it the right way, but still you shouldn't have provoked me," Hux said, shrugging as if it was nothing at all.

"Fuck you! If I want to go out and drink with my friends I will. How dare you say I provoked you to hurt me. I swear, sometimes I don't even know who you are anymore. What happened to the guy that used to care about what I wanted in life. That wouldn’t care less if I was drunk with my friends or not? Where did he go, because this new Hux is a fucking asshole!" Rey shouted, not believing what he was saying to her.

"Calm down, okay? You wanna get drunk with your friends? Fine! You can do that here, just not out there where everyone can see you. I'm going to be Mayor soon! Does that mean nothing to you?" Hux asked, his voice rising.

"You're not seeing the problem here. I'm a person, not a doll that's going to sit and do whatever you want, whenever you want. I want a life outside of this stupid place. It turns people crazy, look at you!" Rey could see she wasn't getting through to him.

For the past year all he had been interested in was how he looked to the town. This potential Mayor job was his number one priority in life and it was clear she was falling lower and lower on the list.

"I didn't say you were a doll, can you not just be more agreeable to people? I mean they've been talking about you…" Hux walked over to the drinks cabinet, pulling out a glass as he poured himself a whiskey.

"Great, more drink. Cause that worked out so well for you last night…"

"Fine!" Hux shouted, downing his drink and then smashing the glass off the wall.

His hands were shaking, the anger he felt at the way Rey was speaking to him coursing throughout his body. He didn't know what her problem was. Sure, he'd promised her different things when they'd gotten married, but due to his work they hadn't happened. Why couldn't she understand that this was a big break for them? She'd have everything that she could ever want!

"I need to tell you something," Rey blurted out suddenly, effectively finishing their conversation about the night before.

She hadn't planned to tell him about the job with Ben straight away, but the way she looked at it now she was sure it didn't matter. I mean there was no way things could be any worse? He was angry enough, so why not just get all her cards out on the table.

"What?" Hux asked angrily, already irritated as he knew he wasn't going to like what she was about to tell him.

"I've got a job," Rey said simply, trying to gauge his reaction.

"What?" Hux asked, not sure he had heard her right.

"I've got a job, you know those things that you go to every day to make money?" Rey replied mockingly.

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Rey. A job…why?" Hux was confused. He'd heard her going on and on about a job for a while now, but never thought it would actually go anywhere. Why would it? She had everything she needed right here.

"Because I want one. You know this, and an opportunity has arisen," she replied vaguely, not sure how he would take the small fact that it was Ben that offered her the job.

When she saw them last night they hadn't exactly left things on the friendliest of terms. She also didn't want to give Hux any fuel to add to the fire of something going on between them. He'd always been a jealous person and when they'd first been together he'd wanted to know about every person Rey had ever been with. She'd told him the truth, for the most part, conveniently leaving out her Summer with Ben.

"Arisen from where exactly? You didn't say you'd applied for anything?" Hux walked over to sit on the seat across from her, genuinely interested in what she'd been up to.

"Ben Solo. He, um offered me a job at the bookshop he's opening," Rey said, looking down nervously.

"I see. Ben. And you accepted?" Hux asked with an edge to his voice that hadn't been there before.

"Well, yes. You know I love reading. I think it will be good for me. Get me out the house for a bit and I'll be doing something I love," Rey said quickly, trying to reason with him before he inevitably kicked off.

"He never mentioned it. Bit strange since we were talking for a while last night… I didn't know you two were close?" Hux asked, watching Rey’s reaction to his question intently.

"We're not, but I've been his best friend’s little sister for as long as we can both remember. He was doing me a favour and he needed the help. It's a good thing, I promise," Rey said, repeating what she'd said to him not a minute before.

"A good thing? Hm. Okay, fair enough. If this is what you want, to work with Ben Solo, then that's fine," Hux replied, standing up and walking over to take a new glass to pour another drink.

He wanted to shout, wanted to tell her there was no need for her to do this. He couldn't help but think something was off with the whole Ben thing. The way he had reacted to everything last night had been bugging him all night. He was sure that nothing had happened between them; Ben had confirmed that year's ago before he had ever even asked Rey out. However, he knew there was something he was missing about the two of them.

Rey didn't know how to respond; she hadn't expected this reaction from Hux. Shouting, yes. Telling her she was making a mistake, most definitely. But this acceptance of her new job that he seemed to be giving her was something she had never seen coming. Not that she was complaining, she would happily take it.

She stood up, walking to the door as she stepped over the glass to make her way up to her room. She decided that he could pick it up; he'd caused the mess after all. She couldn't help the small skip in her step as she thought about starting her new job, and about how she'd finally stood up to Hux. Sure, the argument wasn't exactly resolved, but they could work on it. They could all work on it.

Hux gripped his glass, knowing if he held it a little tighter it would be the second glass he would break that morning. Rey was changing, he could see it… and not for the better. He'd make her realize she was being unreasonable. They'd get back to being the power couple of Alderaan and everything would be fine. He was sure of it. He’d make sure no one stood in his way, especially Ben Solo.

* * *

Finn stormed into his house, looking for his other half. He couldn't remember every being this mad.

"Poe Dameron?" He shouted in his loudest voice, making sure no matter where he was in the building he would hear him.

"What's up?" Poe replied, walking into the dining room to find Finn standing, tapping his foot with his hand on his hip.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?"

Poe gulped, knowing that his morning was not going to be a pleasant one.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is taking steps in the right direction, no? How will it go between Finn and Poe? Then we have Ben going round to the house to see Hux and of course, Rey is there. Hmmmm. 
> 
> Please hit me up on tumblr if you wanna chat about any of my storis LoveofEscapism ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading and please drop me a comment to let me know what you thought.


	10. One Hundred Fucking Percent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn has a few home truths for Poe and Ben goes round to see Hux about Rey's job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am finally back after radio silence for awhile. I apologise so much for this. I have went through one of the worst periods of my life and writing was not at the forefront of my mind. It is healing me now, however, so expect lots of updates. 
> 
> Thank you to those of you who are still here and sticking with me. I appreciate it more than you know.
> 
> I want to say a MASSIVE thank you to my beta, AlbaStarGazer, she really puts her heart and soul into these edits and they are amazing. It wouldn't be half as good without her, I promise. 
> 
> I would say enjoy, but we all know that this is an angst filled story so... endure ;)

Finn stormed into his house, eyes wild and teeth gnashed together, he curled his fists against his sides as he stalked inwards and looked around for his other half. He couldn't recall a time in his life when he had felt so positively maddened, especially at Poe, someone who usually coaxed carefree smiles and laughter, not boiling frustration and disappointment. However, here he was, angry at the man he loved the most.

"Poe Dameron?" He shouted in his loudest voice, making sure no matter where he was in the building he would hear him, it rumbled, his voice like thunder and reverberated around their home, seeking him out.

"What's up?" Poe asked warily, he walked forward with uncertainty and crept into the dining room to find Finn standing, tapping his foot with his hand planted firmly on his hip. It was not a reception he was familiar with, which made him all the more anxious. 

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?" Finn grumbled, his tone a potent mixture of accustatory and borderline bewildered rage. Shaking his head, he crossed his arms over his heaving chest and raised his brow expectantly.

Poe gulped as the realisation dawned upon him, his morning was not going to be a pleasant one but more than anything, he was baffled as to what had caused such a fierce reaction within his partner. Finn had always been the voice of reason, the outwardly calmer of the two despite the passion that he possessed. His emotions were usually kept in order so he knew that whatever incited the response was important and that he should listen, intently. 

“What are you talking about, sweetie?” Poe asked quietly, calmly, he made sure to include the term of endearment in an effort to soften him and sate him to a certain extent.  

It did not, in fact, it only seemed to rile him even further and in response, Poe gulped loudly.

“Don’t you sweetie me. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?  _ ANY _ ?” Finn was becoming angrier by the second, his dark eyes were blazed like obsidian fire and his nostrils flared as he attempted to contain the overwhelming emotions and process the information that flooded his senses. All of this time, they had kept him in the dark and it was a tough pill to swallow, it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Finn knew he should have calmed down before speaking to Poe so they could discuss everything in a rational and calm manner but he was still reeling and feeling the overwhelming effects of shock over everything that Rey had told him. It had taken her years to do so, but she had finally confided in him that she was in love with Ben Solo and apparently, it was common knowledge. It wounded him and he felt the sting of not being trusted with the details. Poe had known, no, he played a role in all of it and had been involved in the entire thing for years and not uttered a single word. If he had just told Finn about it in the first place, he could have prevented him from fucking up the crazy situation even more than he already had. Finn loved Poe. He loved him with all of his heart, but he was an idiot at times and struggled to see much further than himself. He was awful for getting involved in things that didn’t concern him, he could  never see the bigger picture or the range of possibilities that could result from a single action. Action always came first, and in he dove, blindly and only then, would he consider the consequences and how it could change things for the people around him and anyone involved in his downward spiral of meddling. It was one of the reasons why they were so well suited, Poe was quick to act with his hot headed nature and Finn was thoughtful, he entertained the ramifications of whatever he did. In short, they balanced the other out. However, it seemed on this occasion that Poe had went full throttle himself, he flew solo and ended up damaging a relationship even more, perhaps beyond repair and Finn felt for Ben and Rey and mourned what could have blossomed if they had been allowed to figure things out on their own.

“Nope, but I’m going to guess that it has something to do with Rey and Ben?” Poe mused aloud despite already knowing the answer.

When he had spoken with Ben the night before, while a crying Rey was being comforted by Finn, he knew it was bad. Ben being back in Alderaan changed things, a lot. It was a wind of change with seemingly no end, it touched them all. It opened old wounds, tore them open and forced them all to confront the past but it did not just wound Rey and Ben, it seeped in to him too. Not a day went by that he didn’t feel or carry the weighty guilt of what he did all those years ago.  Life went on for them all and he saw his little sister living her life, but sadness seemed to envelop her no matter what she did. It clung to her with every passing day, her shoulders were often curled in like she carried a great weight upon those dainty shoulders, it was much too heavy for her to bear. The warm smiles that had one lit up a room lacked their shine, they never quite reached her eyes and sometimes, he would catch her with a faraway look in her eyes, all vacant and glazed, and he he wondered where she would go to make the day bearable. It hurt him as he had played a part in it all, the villain who had shattered his sister’s chance at real, decent love and so he tried to rectify his mistake. Nothing worked and it seemed like a part of her was forever lost, half her heart lay in New York, shattered and strewn in the doorway where he had convinced her to leave it behind. Sometimes, he would breach the topic with his parents, he did not divulge details but he would comment and ask them if they thought Rey was happy with her life. They would always hush him and dismiss his worries, refusing to listen as they proclaimed her life was a sound one, she was in Alderaan where she belonged. They were blind to everything that did not revolve around making the town and inhabitants prosperous. 

His actions had been idiotic and despite how he had attempted to attone, it was useless and now, it seemed as if he was going to pay for it but he welcomed whatever was to come with open arms. 

“You know fine well what it’s about. What were you thinking? How could you do that? Not only to Ben, your so called best friend but to your sister when you know what she has went through” Finn was pacing back and forth, hands wrung out in front of him as his mind raced thinking about how much his friend had suffered and the fact that Poe had known about her suffering all along and denied him the chance to comfort her.

“Look, Finn, I know what I did was shit, okay? At the time… at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. You didn’t see him the night before he left here. He felt like he didn’t deserve her, he wanted to leave the town and Rey behind him. Then, next thing I know, my engaged sister was shacked up with him in New York as he fucked her brains out. How was I supposed to react?” Poe walked over to his partner and tried to grab his hand so he would listen to him. If he could just hear his side of things, surely, he would understand.  

It was a futile attempt, Finn shook him off and backed away.

“The complete opposite of how you did. They were in love; they still are based on their actions. Now, she is married and things are a hell of a lot more complicated than they were back then. You are her big brother; you should have been there for her. Instead, you basically slut shamed her and dragged her back home. I know that in your own way, you thought you were doing the right thing, but you weren’t. You fucked up, Poe and even worse, you didn’t tell me. Rey is my best friend, don’t you get that?” 

A tear started to roll down Finn’s cheek, his chin quivered as he pressed his lips together as he felt everything inside come tumbling out like a flood, strong and unrelenting, his dam had burst.

He knew that maybe, in a way, he was overreacting, but he was kept out of the loop, they had years to process this, he didn’t. However, he was torn and completely ruined by the fact Poe did that, that he hid it from him and caused a chasm between the two lovers. Poe was not a spiteful person, he didn’t do things out of malice and Finn knew that. It still didn’t change how he felt about the situation. Poe needed to make amends and work to better the situation. He owed it to both Rey and Ben. Instead of seeing things in black and white, he had to open his eyes and see this situation in a new light. What they had was not some fling that revolved solely on the physical side of things, they loved one another, it was the once in a lifetime love that would not compare to any love that followed or came before. Whether Poe could admit it or not, it was undeniable that Rey would have been happier with Ben.

“I know, I know, I fucked up, okay? I realized it as soon as I was sitting on that flight with her and she was crying her eyes out, I knew it when she read his book over and over again, I knew it when I found her the night before she was set to marry Hux and she was sobbing in the rain, sitting in the park and rocking back and forth. I fucking know! I was supposed to protect her. I thought I was, I mean. Ben Solo, you know what he is like! The whole town did, he was one of my best friends but he used girls, he was unstable and not the kind to settle down. I thought that maybe she was just another one of his conquests. She wasn’t, though. I was completely wrong and I know my punishment is having to see her wither before my eyes and only come alive with the mention of his name. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Rey begged me not to. I’m so, so sorry.”

Poe dropped his face into his hands as he took a seat at the table. Breathing harshly through his nose, he heaved in a deep lungful of air as he shook, raking his fingers through his hair. He was at a loss for words and he didn’t know what else to say. Finn was right, as always. Hindsight was bittersweet and he wallowed in it, he shouldn’t have went to New York and practically dragged her back home. They should have been allowed to work things out on their own without the glare of wandering eyes or his influence, such facts were as clear as day to him now, but it was too late, the damage had been done. 

“Baby, it isn’t me you should be saying sorry to. I’m angry, okay? But, I know that in your heart, you would have thought you were doing the right thing. Spoiler alert, you weren’t, but anyway, I think now, what you should do is help them. Ben and Rey. Speak to them both. See what they truly want in their lives… and if it is each other, you support them one hundred fucking percent, okay?” 

Poe responded, standing tall as he felt a new resolve manifest inside of him, he could make things right. He walked  over and pulled Finn’s face towards his own, his intense stare letting him know that he meant business but this time, his heart was in the right place and he would stand by his sister’s side.

“Yes, one hundred fucking percent!” Poe replied, resolute and ready for what was to come.

He was team Rey and Ben and if he had Finn on his side, he knew that there was no chance of them losing.

* * *

 

Ben stood, hands fisted deep into his jacket pockets as he gazed at the door that he would rather not enter for the second time in twenty-four hours. Before he had even arrived, he had decided that this was going to be one of the hardest challenges he would confront upon his return to Alderaan. Beyond the oak door, the gloves were off, a sordid low blow of sorts as he would be immersed in the home Rey and Hux had built together, no doubt filled with memories and tokens of their love. Sighing, he kicked and scuffed the welcome mat at his feet for the fifth time that minute as he braced himself to knock. It was stupid but he was unsure if he could cope with what awaited him, Rey and Hux together under one roof, right in front of his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle it.

 

Dark thoughts had plagued him and taunted his psyche as he’d wondered what their house would be like, would there be happy photos all around them, lining every surface, wicked reminders of the life he never had or would ever likely possess? Would it seem homely, well loved and lived in? Were the walls held up by love and respect with bay windows that allowed light in but never comparing to Rey herself? Part of him didn’t want to know, he wasn’t sure if he could even face it, but he had to. It was all for Rey, she needed someone to free her from the red bricked prison that Hux hid her in. She needed the job, it was clear she was suffocating at home and furthermore, for his own selfish reasons, he wanted to keep an eye on her. 

 

Staring at the shiny, brass door handle, eye twitching and fists burning, he knew this was going to be awkward for more than one reason. He and Hux hadn’t exactly left things on the best of terms and he knew he would be pissed, enraged perhaps, that he’d offered Rey a job. Then, he didn’t even want to think about how awkward it was going to be with Rey. Seeing her last night had reopened wounds he had long ignored and told himself were healed and nothing but scars but it had made him feel things he had been trying to contain for years. Now, it was all blown wide open and he felt unpredictable, it was all too much. 

 

Some part of him wanted to squash it all down and live in ignorance but his heart, it raged on and ruled the rationale of his mind because he could see that she was not happy, she was a shell of the woman he had loved. The part of him that urged him to fight for her was aflame as he knew that  _ he  _ could make her happier, take care of her and let her be free. With him, she would flourish and blossom before his eyes, just like she used to. He would never hold her back from living the life she wanted to lead. He would only encourage her, support her.

 

Rey was not his, no matter how much he wished it to be true, he wasn’t her husband who she would sleep beside or welcome home after a long day at work. He was the man that loved her fiercely and lost her. Worst of all, he had been the first to sever things between them, back then, he had been terrified of his feelings for her and so he walked away and left her in his shadow. It was a regret that he would carry until his dying day, he cursed his mistake but it was a waste of time, he could not go back to those summer days and take her on white sheets, lulled by her warmth and beaming smiles. She was gone, a memory he clung to but like smoke, those times would fleet upwards and out of his mind and he was alone, left to mourn a woman who still breathed. Just seeing her again had haunted him.

 

Shaking his head, he tried to compose himself, breathing heavily as he willed himself to keep his anger in check. It wouldn’t do any of them any good right now if he lost it. He walked closer to the door and knocked, unable to decide who he would prefer to answer it.

 

“Solo, what the fuck are you doing here?” It was a snide remark, far from welcoming but he ignored it. He knew it would be the first of many.

 

Hux, just his luck. He quickly decided he would have much rather it been Rey. He looked the man up and down; he looked rough, so unlike the image he tried to project to the world. Ben quickly surmised that Rey must have already told him about the job. As inconspicuous as possible, he lifted his gaze and attempted to look over Hux’s shoulder as he wondered if she was okay. There was no telling what Hux was like behind closed doors but if he had to, Ben would kick them all in if he had to. He would do anything to save her.

 

“Did I stutter?” Hux asked, bringing the door to a close behind him as he walked outside, clearly not wanting to invite him inside.

 

“Really? You gonna start with this shit already? I just came over to talk. Can I come in, or do you wanna do this out here?” Ben replied, his voice sharp as he gestured to the rows of neighbours in both directions. Who knew who was peeping out of those windows but if Hux wanted an audience, Ben would stand his ground. He’d be happy for people to see what this man was really capable of.

 

Hux clearly wasn’t over what had transpired between them, which was fine, neither was he. He knew however, that whatever was about to happen, Hux wouldn’t want it to occur outside, no one wanted to air their dirty laundry like that. So, as expected, he huffed and opened his door, walking in as Ben sauntered in behind him.

Gazing around, he followed the man into the large sitting room, it was immaculate, not an object out of place. It was only when he narrowed his eyes, he caught the gleam and found broken glass strewn about and littering the floor. Ben walked over to it, alarm bells instantly going off in his head as he swept around the room to look for any further signs of a struggle. There was nothing but it did little to settle his worries. Had the married couple fought?.

 

“Ignore that, I dropped a glass and haven’t had a chance to pick it up yet,” Hux said flippantly, walking quickly into his kitchen to get the brush and dustpan.

Ben noticed the fact that there was another glass already full to the brim with alcohol. He wondered how normal this was for Hux. Did he have a drinking problem? It seemed like it, though Ben wasn’t exactly one to judge, he had had his fair share of issues over the past few years. However, if this was affecting Rey, then it was now another matter entirely. He didn’t believe Hux about the glass, that was for sure. It was clear along with his drinking problem; he also had an anger issue. He was easy to blow his lid, explode and everyone else around him was a victim to the fallout of such rage

Hux charged back into the room and quickly disposed of the glass that had shattered from his earlier outburst. He’d completely forgotten about it, too busy thinking about the fact that Rey was going to work for Ben as he continued to pour himself drink after drink. He’d had a feeling that Ben would show up, especially after what had happened the previous night. There was something going on and Hux needed to find out exactly what it was. It was driving him mad, the lack of control or insight crippled and reduced him to a outwardly vulnerable man who was unable to hide behind his facade any longer. It was cracking and spilling around him like the glass he had cleaned up or the drinks he poured.

“So, what do I owe this great pleasure? You leave town for years without a word, back twenty-four hours and I can’t get rid of you,” Hux sneered as he lifted his glass to his lips and near enough drained the contents but left a slither behind. He didn’t even bother to offer Ben one which was a clear way of letting him know that this would be a quick visit and that he wasn’t welcome here. It was a far cry from what they used to be, the atmosphere between the once friends was now frigid, icy cold and weighted. Never to be repaired.

“It’s about Rey,” Ben said, but he was quickly interrupted by the red-headed man who scoffed, cheeks scarlet and eyes narrowed.

“Common theme there,  _ friend _ . I asked you last night and I’ll ask again, what is this sudden interest in Rey? You just pop up hereout the blue and  push yourself into our lives. It’s not adding up,” Hux alleged, he knew he should have played his cards close to his chest, but seeing Ben here, in his house, just rubbed him up the wrong way. He wanted to throw him out but he knew there was little chance in succeeding, he knew his own temper and strength did not compare to Ben’s.

“And I told you last night; stop looking into something that isn’t there. I saw the way you treated her. I know you can be better than that. So, I am giving you this opportunity to rectify your mistakes. She deserves better. She is Poe’s little sister. You know what she has been through. Get your act together,” Ben growled, he did mean what he said about her being Poe’s little sister, but his real reason for needing her to be happy, was of course, that he was madly in love with her.

 

Even if she chose to stay with the red-haired beast, he would work to make her life easier and more bearable and refuse to stand by and accept such blatant disrespect towards her.

 

Ben cast a glance to the drink in his hand and shook his head as Hux took another gulp of his drink, finishing it as he processed all that he had just said. He hoped Hux would listen to him; he had to realize that what he had been doing was wrong. Ben had to remind himself that this was not the man he had grown with, he was some twisted incarnation of him.

 

“Rey?” Hux shouted loudly, completely ignoring Ben as he summoned his wife. “Come here a second.”

 

Ben took a deep breath, he knew he would see her again when showed up at the house. He just hoped he could hide his conflicting emotions towards her in front of Hux or he would never be okay with her working for him. He needed to make it happen. There was no denying the need or desire he felt, he wanted to be there to watch over her and to spend time with her in any way that he could. Not having her in his life was no longer an option, it would hurt him in the long run, he knew this but he would take her in any capacity she offered.

 

“Coming.”

 

Her soft voice filtered into the living space as she made her way down the stairs, it was clear she had no idea that he was even there and he wondered how surprised she would be. Would she be able to hold it together better than him? He tried to compose himself, walking over and taking a seat on the chair across from Hux. He needed to relax as much as possible.

 

The door opened with a creak and she walked into the room, scanning it as she moved and abruptly stopped as she noticed him, the surprise was written all over her beautiful face. Those wide eyes seemed impossibly bigger and her mouth gaped for the briefest of moments before she spoke.

 

“Ben?” She asked, not quite believing her eyes.

 

“Ben has just come over to talk to me, dear. I think it may have something to do with him asking you to work for him. Or am I wrong?” Hux asked, staring at Ben dead on, thinking he had startled him. He hadn’t.

 

“Nope. That is exactly the reason that I am here. I wasn’t sure if Rey had told you yet,” Ben responded, staring back at the man he hated more than anything in the world. It would take more than that to rattle him, especially when there was so much at stake, he needed to secure Rey’s employment at his bookstore and he would.

 

Rey was still unmoving from the corner of his eye as she continued to stare at him. He was glad that Hux was too interested in him to notice. Her hands were shaking and Ben quickly deduced that she was scared of how the conversation would proceed and he clenched his fists again as he connected everything. It was obvious to him that Hux wasn’t happy about the job offer, the smashed glass, his cold attitude and the fact that Rey looked like a deer caught in headlights all but confirmed it. If he found out that Hux had thrown the glass at her, he was sure he would kill him with his bare hands. 

 

Before arriving, had known that Hux wouldn’t take the news well, but he was proud of Rey for telling him in the first place. Ben couldn’t imagine how hard that must have been for her, especially if Hux had been drinking. He could never handle his drink, it turned him into an angry, bitter person and for someone who already had a chip on their shoulder at the best of times, it wasn’t a good combination. 

 

“Of course she told me, we are married, that’s how marriage works. Of course, you wouldn’t know that, would you, Solo?” Hux replied venomously, hoping he had hit a sore spot.

 

Truth was, he had, made even crueler by the fact that the wife Ben wished he had was standing in this room, married to another man. Ben wouldn’t let him see how deep the comment hurt him, how it stabbed him straight in his heart, twisting so roughly that he could hardly breathe. If he had been standing, his legs may have given way. The weight of not having what he wanted most in the world painful enough to rip his soul in two.

 

“No, I wouldn't. I just didn’t know if your wife would be talking to you after the way you treated her last night. You’re lucky she is even here,” Ben replied haughtily, leaning forward in the chair as he stared Hux down. If he wanted to challenge him, he would rise to the occasion. Unlike Hux, Ben was not all bark and no bite. 

 

“I told him. I want to work for you, Ben. I… I really appreciate the offer and if you will still have me, I would love to start as soon as possible,” Rey’s small voice tore Ben from his trance. 

 

She wanted to work with him, there was an eagerness there that made his heart full. She wanted to start as soon as possible which meant she wanted to see and spend time with him. It balm to his tortured soul. The pain he had felt not ten seconds ago was now replaced with elation. He would get to see her every single day and he worked to hide his joy, not wanting to show the smugness he felt.

 

“Hold on. You told me, but we hadn’t fully decided if you were taking the job,” Hux interrupted, his face turning red, his cheeks were flushed a brilliant scarlet, set off by the icy azure of his beady eyes.

 

Ben’s gaze was murderous as it turned back to Hux. The man failed to hide his intention, he was completely transparent. It was clear he’d thought that over the weekend, that he would have been able to talk Rey out of her decision. Well, Ben wasn’t going to let that happen anytime soon. In fact, he was going to make the decision even easier for her.

 

“Sounds to me like she is sure. Of course, I will make sure you are paid generously. You can design the store, completely to your liking. I remember that you liked to design things when you were younger, always getting on at your mom to let you change your bedroom about. Anything you want, Rey. You can do it. Okay? This is a joint venture and I am going to be writing, so most of this will be in your hands. You will earn a managers wage. We will also need to take out of town meetings with clients. I want to have authors visit and participate in book signings at the store, the full shebang. I can’t do it alone, so join me, please?” Ben had now stood up, ignoring the man shaking in anger as he traipsed over and stood next to Rey.

 

He needed her, there was no denying it, she was all he wanted, all he had ever desired and in her presence, he was drunk and drawn in by her light as if no time had passed between the two. He realized that now, he would not deny his needs any longer and lay still and idle while the woman he loved played pretend in a pretty house. The decision and realisation was not just for himself, the two of them deserved another chance. But he needed her to help him to make his dream come true as he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it without her. She had always been able to put into words what he wanted. Maybe, she would be able to do the same with the store. 

 

He wanted to reach out and touch her face. Her bottom lip was quivering, she looked as though she was about to cry, but he could tell it was from overwhelming emotion, she was happy, over the moon at his proposition. She wanted to work with him. She wanted to make his dream a reality and live a life away from behind those suffocating walls and oppressive gazes. 

 

“Meetings out of town? Are you mad? Do you think I will let you take my wife away from me? What would everyone think?” Hux roared, standing up and smashing a second glass on the floor.

 

Rey jumped back, the fear she felt in that moment etched all over her face. Ben snarled, he was tempted to pick up another glass and smash it against Hux’s head and see if he liked it. He didn’t of course, but he was more than tempted. Instead, he stood in front of Rey and shielded her from harm, his would protect her with his body if need be.

 

“I think your wife should be able to make that decision for herself, no? She is a free woman. Women have to travel for work all the time if they need to. She has a chance here, a chance to do more with her life than look around at these four walls. Why would you take that opportunity away from her?” Ben asked sincerely, he genuinely couldn’t understand Hux’s reasonings. None of it made any sense. What was he getting from keeping her locked up like this?

 

A vein was now popping out of Hux’s head, the anger he felt about the current situation flowing from his body. There was glass shattered all around his feet. His two fists shook as he looked between Rey and Ben. He was barely a man, resembling some wild animal more than anything.

 

“She is MY wife. I say if she goes away, I say if she-”

 

“No, you don’t. Ben, I accept your offer. I would love to come and work for you. Could we meet tomorrow to go over the details? The diner at one o’clock?” Rey interrupted, holding her head high.

 

“Rey!” Hux started to storm over to her, not getting very far when a hulking Ben Solo stood in his path.

 

“She said she wants to work for me, so, there really shouldn’t be any issue here. I would step back right now, go get your fucking brush and dustpan and go clean up another mess you’ve made. Also, if I see her tomorrow and there is one fucking hair out of place on her, if you have touched her, I swear to fuck that I will kill you. You got that?” Ben whispered, the ice of his words instantly making Hux shrink back down to size. They were physically unmatched and he knew it, he could crush him with ease.

 

He knew Ben Solo and he knew better than to take him on when he spoke like that. There was no room for argument in what he was saying and it was plainly obvious that he meant every word. If he ever hurt Rey, he was a dead man. Simple.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Rey,” Ben said, his voice completely different, softer as he turned round to give her a quick nod, walking past her and out the front door to his car.

 

He knew that Hux wouldn’t try anything tonight, especially with the fact she was seeing him tomorrow. That didn’t matter though, he still parked outside their house and watched from his car. He watched as the light in the upstairs bedroom turned off, he watched the shadow that stayed downstairs for the rest of the night, drinking itself into a stupor. He would not leave her. 

 

He would not let anyone, especially Hux, hurt her. 

 

Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up, Rey and Ben's first day working together. We also will get to see Ben reconnect with people in the town. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think. You can find me on tumblr at LoveofEscapism if you want to chat.
> 
> Take care.


	11. Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to a head between Hux and Rey and she finds solace in Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, so many months later and finally with an update. I can only say I am so sorry for the delay and thank you to all that are still with me. I love you all so much.
> 
> This chapter would not be what it is without my gorgeous beta and best friend [AlbaStarGazer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbaStarGazer/pseuds/AlbaStarGazer)  
> who literally made this chapter what it is. She helped SO much. She is amazing and even did this gorgeous moodboard. I love you.
> 
> PLEASE NOTE THAT IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE CHAPTER THERE IS PHYSICAL VIOLENCE - PLEASE SEE TAGS. IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ THIS, PLEASE JUMP TO AFTER THE PAGE BREAK. 
> 
> I found this really hard to write and I know it is a very tough subject to tackle, I knew that when starting this story.
> 
> <3

 

**Chapter Eleven - Breaking**

 

A tension hung in the air, spilling over from the day before. The confrontation revealed the deep cracks in her marriage but the prospect of working and escaping her suburban nightmare for a few hours a day softened the blow. For the first time in years, she felt as if something meaningful drove her out of bed, a real sense of purpose and a new determination rose within her. Hux had slept in the spare bedroom, which Rey was more than happy about. The thought of sharing a bed with him repulsed her, she didn’t want him anywhere near her and it seemed that he felt the exact same. 

At least they agreed about something. 

Already in her mind, she began to detach herself from him, both physically and emotionally. Years of pretending that all was well had taken its toll, she was tired of plastering a too wide grin, far from genuine, on her face and acting like everything was okay. It wasn’t, it was the furthest thing from it.

Sleeping apart seemed like it would become a new norm in their home.  _ Good _ , she thought. He was acting completely crazy, overbearing and controlling—it scared her.  _ He _ scared her. Their marriage had always been bland, she’d settled and made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. Growing up, she’d always been taught to fix things and that extended to her marriage but it seemed beyond repair. It had never felt so apparent, she knew that now more than ever. 

Hindsight was bittersweet and upon reflection, she realised that she should have listened to that niggling feeling of doubt that plagued her. It had spanned the duration of their entire relationship. Rey had been stupid and more importantly, she’d been naive—choosing to listen to her family and the town, their coercion was subtle and back then, she’d missed the signs, believing this was the right thing because everyone told her it was. Spoiler alert; it wasn’t. 

Hux hurting her and then the erratic and violent behaviour he presented ever since Ben had been back in town felt like the last straw, it broke the camel’s back but most importantly, it broke her. For the longest time, she’d kid herself into thinking she was happy. It was a weird sort of clarity she was experiencing, wondering how she didn’t see it before, it was as if she had wiped the condensation from a mirror, nothing was foggy anymore and she didn’t like what she saw.

It sickened her to think of how she didn’t see just how much of a hold he had over her. His reach was tight and spilled into everything she was, an iron fist had once squeezed her of all life, befitting of a man who undoubtedly craved absolute obedience and power but she couldn’t do that anymore. It was like she could finally breathe again or if she was doing so for the first time. It was as if she had been in a coma and was finally waking up. It was a sobering experience and now that she was fully awake and alert, she knew her circumstances had to change.

In the back of her mind, where she tucked away precious memories and her most private thoughts, she knew it was because of Ben, he’d opened her eyes. 

Undoubtedly, he was the voice that woke her and forced her to see sense. No matter the situation, he’d always possessed a way of doing that. While he was staunchly independent and able to break free from the clutches of their hometown, she’d been weak and allowed other people to make decisions for her. Ever since she arrived in Alderaan, she’d cared too much about what the townspeople thought, when really, she should have taken a leaf out Ben’s book and left years ago. She would always admire how he escaped its clutches and made something of himself.

“Morning.”

Speak of the devil. 

“Morning,” she muttered, not bothering to look up at him as she poured her coffee into her mug. 

Today was the day she was starting work with Ben, her excitement about this new chapter in her life and being so close to him on a day to day basis was enough to put a spring in her step. Though she knew that their time together as lovers had come to an end, it did not stop the incessant need to be near him. The two were disparate pieces that just seemed to gravitate towards the other despite their differences, that wouldn’t change. 

She’d missed him, more than she’d ever admit. For the first time in a long time, she felt a semblance of joy and hope, clearly a result of his presence. Underneath it all, that pull that had once drawn them together, still remained, it burned just as hot as ever. Despite it, she couldn’t allow herself to want him in that way but her heart had other ideas. He owned it, that was unmistakable. Every beat was for him.

“Can we talk?”

Sucking in a deep breath, she frowned and finally gazed up, taking him in—he was pasty and red-eyed; hungover—the usual. 

“Not really, no,” she replied curtly, quick to dismiss his grovelling efforts to somehow win her back or to attempt to erase the day before and smooth things over. She was putting her foot down. 

Unlike him, she wanted to start this day off right, not with a belittling conversation that would undoubtedly spark another argument with her husband. Things were only getting worse between them and she didn’t think it would change—she couldn’t envision a future where he changed his ways or she magically fell in love with him, it seemed like an impossibility. 

“Well, we have to.”

As per usual, he wasn’t giving her a choice and it only annoyed her even more. She was angry with him, but more importantly, she was angry at herself for taking this shit from him for so long. Rey ignored him, it was what he deserved. It was not a difficult feat, she could barely stand to look at him. The man she had married was long gone, she did not recognise the one that stood before her now.

“You’re not listening to me.” 

Despite his assumptions, she was listening, but simply chose not to answer him. Instead, she focused on readying herself for the day, she took a sip of her coffee and started to make some sandwiches for her lunch. Normally she would make him some and take extra care in doing so, light on the mayonnaise, she even cut the crusts off but from now on, he could get his own. She was done playing the role of the perfect wife and doing everything demanded of her.  _ He could make his own fucking sandwiches _ , she thought, wanting to giggle at the fact she had awoken a new woman. 

Rey was well aware she was enjoying the high of starting a new job and being close to Ben again, yet, she still had to hit her rock bottom about how she felt about her marriage, which she knew would inevitably come. She already walked along the cliff edge and one more incident would send her careening over it with no viable return in sight. It was a plummet she needed to experience so she could pull herself out of the blinding, murky depths of her unhappiness.

“Listen—” 

Hux grabbed her, his hands harsh on the soft skin of her wrists and she flinched, trying to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her. The way she fought only seemed to spur him on, his grip tightened to the point it disrupted the blood flow to her fingers and his nails jabbed into her forearm in response.

“Get off me,” she snarled, lifting her arms to push him, but he still didn’t budge.

The stench of stale alcohol fanned across her face, his breath was full of it and she wondered if he had already had another drink that morning. Probably, Rey wouldn’t put it past him at this point. It had gotten increasingly worse recently. At first, she hadn’t noticed it, but then, at the start he had been trying harder to hide it from her. Now, he didn’t care. 

“Stop struggling, Rey! You need to listen to me.” 

His hold on her tightened even further and she was sure his hands would leave marks. Tears pooled in her eyes, but she tried her hardest not to let them fall. He didn’t deserve to see her pain, he’d likely bask in it and use it against her. The man in front of her was a monster, his icy blue eyes bulged with his efforts and she gasped, she didn’t even know who he was anymore. She didn’t  _ want _ to know him.

“I don’t need to do anything you say. I’m done with this, with you telling me what to do all the time. I am a person, Armitage, not a trophy,” she snapped out, her voice steely hard as she tried not to wince from the pain. 

He’d said he would never hurt her again. He said that he hadn’t mean it and that he was sorry. She realized now that it had been bullshit, that he had just said whatever he believed she wanted to hear. It was the work of a master manipulator and for too long, she’d swallowed whatever lies he spat out.

Some part of her wondered if he would ever change or if he would go back to being the person she once knew. What scared her the most was that she doubted he would. How could things go back to the way they were after what he’d done?

“No, but you’re my wife. So show me some fucking respect,” he roared into her face, his cheeks blotchy and red with anger, he shook as the veins in his forehead bounced before her eyes. 

Rey knew she should have felt scared, maybe she was, but the overwhelming feeling she felt right now was complete anger. A rage boiled, just as hot as his. The anger arose from her spiralling thoughts and at how he thought he could treat her like this. Like she was  _ nothing _ . Ben had never made her feel that way. And in her heart, she knew he never would.

“Like the respect you’re showing me?” she countered, hoping to talk some sense into him so he could see reason. It was an uphill battle, she was swimming against the current.

“Maybe you’d get it if you earned it. You gonna tell me what all this shit is about? Something happened with you and Solo, didn’t it?”

The blues of his eyes were dark as he stared at her, a murderous look crossed his features and she wondered just how far he would go. Would he hit her? She honestly wasn’t sure. At this point, she was a ragdoll in his hold, completely vulnerable and at his mercy. Just another plaything, something he could throw about without a care.

“What are you talking about?”

Rey played dumb, this was certainly not the time to take a trip down memory lane and explain her past with Ben. It would only make things worse. If it were under different circumstances, she would have screamed in his face and admit that she was in love with Ben, that she always had been and always would be. 

“You think I’m fucking stupid? I see the way he looks at you. Did you fuck him? Did you? Are you his whore?”

Grunting to himself, he moved his hands from her arms but she had no time to move, he grabbed her throat, his fingers constricting around it as she gasped for air. The heel of his palm only added to the pressure and his thumb tactically pressed down on her windpipe. It hurt, through bleary eyes, she felt dark spots dot about her vision as he shook her, clamping her neck harder. The snake caught its prey.

“No! Armitage, let go,” she spluttered, drawing her hands up, she clawed at him. Blood dirtied her fingertips from where she scratched him but he was unmoving and refused to let go of her.

Tears streamed down her hot cheeks, she wouldn’t go out like this. She wouldn’t let him squeeze the life out of her before she had ever truly lived. Instincts and self preservation kicked in, her mind raced, she had to fight and get out of this situation. All she wanted to do was to go to work and see Ben, she had to see him again. If she survived this, she wanted to live her life and not the way people expected of her, but the way she wanted—she wanted to feel alive. 

“Tell me, now. Did you fuck him?” 

Choking, she felt his grip toughen and she started to feel lightheaded. Her airways all but closed up as she tried to fight free, but he was too strong and she only grew weaker, desperately inhaling whatever air she could. Hux smirked, clearly he got  some sort of satisfaction from this and it made her feel sick. The sadistic beast.

“I said, did you fuck him? Bet you did, you little slut. I see how you look at him. How he looks at you like he knows exactly what that tight pussy feels like.”

“Stop this. Look at what you’re doing,” she screamed with everything she had in her. 

“Answer the question, then I will. Are you sleeping with him?”

“No, he’s just being kind, offering me a job,” she whimpered, lying straight to her husband’s face but not feeling the least bit guilty about it. 

His hands loosened around her throat and she wondered if he believed her. His eyes seemed to soften slightly and he let go with a push, making her stumble back, her footing uneasy as she fell and smacked her head off of the kitchen counter. It connected with a crack and she landed with a thud. Pain lanced through her skull and again, she was dizzied, gasping for breath.

“Fuck!”

“Rey!”

Hux leaned over to help her up but she pushed him away, moving backwards like a skittish mouse about to fall prey to the predator beside her. Coughing, she managed to put some distance between them and she lay free from his clutches. Her head was throbbing, blood started to trickle down her face and wet her lips. Applying pressure to the wound, she hissed and palmed her head, immediately feeling warm blood spill through her fingers. Once again, he advanced, hands raised as if in surrender and that he meant her no harm. It was too late for that.

“Get away from me!” she screamed, quickly scrambling to her feet, clutching  her head. 

For the first time, he was now the one that looked scared as the realisation of what he just did dawned upon him.  _ Good _ , she thought bitterly. He’d done this. He’d hurt her again. It had only been a few days since he’d promised he wouldn’t. This wasn’t love. You didn’t hurt people you loved like this. 

“Rey, fuck, I’m so sorry, I—“

“Don’t speak to me. Don’t say another word,” she warned, running away from him. 

She’d have to change before work—there was blood over her new white blouse. 

Rey wanted to laugh that her clothes were what she was focusing on and not the fact her husband had just abused her. But, if she actually thought about it, really thought about… then she would break. A numbness and blissful ignorance overcame her as she buried the horror.

****** **

* * *

 

An hour later, she rushed down the sidewalk, arms wrapped tight around her middle and eyes planted on her feet. Making her way to meet Ben at the store had been an ordeal, it felt like she had a million pairs of eyes on her, her skin crawled and she felt like they knew what happened but they couldn’t have, she was just paranoid. On top of it all, she was running late, her hands were still shaking and she was sure she was deathly white. A fleeting dose of shock cradled her and with it, came a coldness she was certain noticeable against the usual tawny tinge of her skin. It was as if the blood had been drained from her face and throbbed horribly in her neck and wrists.

Robotically, she’d changed her clothes, cleaned her head and confirmed she thankfully wouldn’t need stitches. In an effort to hide her injuries, she opted for a long-sleeved jumper with some black trousers, making sure the bottom of the sleeves covered the stark red finger marks around her wrists. Luckily, the jumper also had a high-neck, hiding the other marks and deep bruises he had left on her body. 

Concealing the incident was not because she wanted to protect Hux, no, it was for her own sanity, she didn’t need people asking questions, because that meant she would have to deal with it and she was not ready for that. Instead, she needed time to process it all and in the meantime, she’d hush any questions and say she fell down the stairs. That made sense, she was known for being a born klutz. People would believe her. The only person she worried about not accepting her story happened to be the one she was about to meet. It terrified her, she’d never been able to lie to him, not that she ever wanted to but he knew her tells so well, he read her without any difficulty and that could result in trouble. 

When she’d come back downstairs, Hux had been gone and she had sighed with relief. Rey didn’t have the strength to face him again, she would surely crumble. Something kept her from breaking down, she wasn’t sure how she hadn’t yet. It was bound to come at some point. It would build up inside of her until she could no longer take it. 

But for now, well, she had to put her game face on. 

It had just begun to rain when she finally made it to the store. Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door and checked her watch to see just how late she was. 

“Eighteen minutes, not that I was counting,” Ben said sarcastically from the counter, a smirk gracing his face. 

Relief washed over her when she heard his voice, he looked just as handsome as he had the night before. Despite everything, she felt the want for him resurface and she wondered how it was possible for a man to be  _ this _ good looking. As thankful as she was, she really wasn’t sure how he hadn’t found someone yet. Some beautiful woman that would be good enough for him. Someone better than her.

The thought of him with another woman cut her deep. Which, was ironic and completely hypocritical since she married another man. A marriage she regretted more and more every single day. If she could have done it all again, she would have stayed in New York with him.

“I’m so sorry, I um, I had an accident and—“

Before she could even finish her sentence, he was around the counter and standing in front of her in under ten seconds, his concerned gaze raking over her face until it landed on the small plaster at the top of her head. 

“What happened?” His voice was strong, unwavering as he lifted his hand to reach out to her, and she flinched. It was not intentional and she hated herself for the seemingly automatic response, she knew he would never harm her.

Of course, he caught it, his eye twitching as he looked her up and down, his hands down in fists at his sides. Rey tried not to panic, she could still salvage this. She hadn’t been in the store for even two minutes and he was already onto her. His keen eyes rarely missed a thing when it concerned her, she felt like a deer in headlights under the scrutiny of his gaze.

“I fell, I’m an idiot, really—it’s nothing.”

In a half hearted attempt to avoid suspicion, she found herself looking down at her feet, she couldn’t look him in the eye, he would see right through her. When it came to her, Ben was an avid reader, sometimes she thought he knew her better than she knew herself. It was difficult but she tried to focus on anything but him; the dusty wooden shelves surrounding them, the old green carpet on the floor… anything but him. 

“Don’t lie to me, Rey.”

“I fell.”

“Bullshit.”

“Down the stairs.”

“Rey.”

“Tripped, actually…”

His eyes burned holes into her skin, she still hadn’t looked at him. It seemed as if her poker face was in desperate need of some work. In the quiet space of the store, she could hear his breaths coming out deep and heavy. He was angry—no—he was positively livid.

“Look at me, Rey, please,” he whispered, his voice the complete opposite of what she expected. It was a gentle plea, soft and full of vulnerability and she could not resist the call.

“I don’t—I mean, I don’t know what to say,” she replied, finally mustering her courage to look up at him and in turn, let him see her. When she did, she was staggered at just how intensely he was watching her. 

As expected, there was anger, sure, but there was also pain, suffering, hurt and most importantly, he looked like he wanted to comfort her in any way possible. It was all too much; she didn’t know why she thought she could do this. Around him, she could break and she knew he would be there to catch here, just as he always did.

Tears started to fall from her eyes, her hands shaking again as she struggled to catch a breath. It was hard to tell if she was having a panic attack, but it was the closest thing to one she’d ever felt. It trickled like a weighty influx of panic and she felt herself slipping, unable to control herself anymore.

“I’m going to touch you and put my arms around you, is that okay, Rey?” He asked and it only made her cry even more; the fact he was  _ that _ considerate. 

Desperate for his touch and comfort, she nodded her head in response and was quickly enveloped in his arms. She felt safe for the first time all day and she completely fell apart. Ben was her lifeline, so solid and warm, he would help make it right again. Her choked sobs echoed  throughout the almost empty building. They reverberated off the walls but she couldn’t stop herself, she needed to voice and feel her grief and hurt, no matter how difficult it seemed.

Ben was leaving chaste kisses on her forehead, letting her get it all out, but still letting her know that he was there—that he wouldn’t let her go. 

Rey gripped his shirt, more than likely leaving it crumpled as she did so, but he wouldn’t care. No, it was clear; all he cared about in this moment was her. 

Minutes passed as she cried over her marriage and the fact it was clearly beyond repair, she cried for the fact she had been abused by someone that was supposed to love her. Her life was about to change,  _ everything  _ was going to change. Change terrified her but underneath it all, she knew she deserved better and that she would need to embrace it with her chin held high.

Finally, her straight out wails turned into small sobs as she tried to collect herself. He needed to know, there was no way she could hide it now. Honesty was the only way forward and thought it would inevitably hurt them both, she owed him that.

Rey pulled back, noticing the large wet patch she had left on him and in any other circumstances, she would have laughed. Using the back of her sleeve, she wiped her face clean and exhaled, her breath shallow and shaky.

“Tell me.”

“I—I don’t know if I can.”

It was not a matter of her not wanting to, she wanted to. She did. But she just didn’t know how, not with words. If she said it aloud, it would make it real and overload her but there was another way.

Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, she stood back, already missing the warmth of his arms and then did the only thing she could think of; she shed her large jumper, leaving her only in her small, white camisole. 

Ben’s eyes fell to each of her wrists, noticing the angry marks that her husband had left there, they then continued their trail up her body and landed on her neck. It caused an eruption, one she could have predicted. The blacks of his eyes seemed darker than they had ever done before, he huffed and stood back from her. 

“FUCK!” he roared, turning around and punching the wall, breaking through the plasterboard with a ferocious swing. That did not seem to deter him, he kept going, driving his fist again and again, cursing and grunting as she watched on. Some part of her understood his need for release but she couldn’t see him hurt himself any longer.

“Ben?”

As if snapped out of his chaotic and destructive trance by her voice, he swung around to face her, tears in his eyes, fury written all over his face. He appeared unhinged, chest heaving and looked even more crazed, a man possessed. She’d never seen him this angry, ever. It didn’t scare her though,  _ he _ didn’t scare her. He only made her feel safe, protected and loved. With him by her side, she would never need to fear anything again, when she was weak, she could turn to him for strength. Just by the look in his eyes and his reaction, she knew that he was still hers and always would be.

“Tell me everything.”

“Hux, he—he wasn’t happy, about last night, about this job, about me. He wanted to talk and I didn’t. He didn’t like that. He accused me of being your whore. And well… the rest you can kinda work out.”

Ben wailed aloud, sounding more like a wounded animal than a man. It was all she could hear and it sounded like he was in even more pain than she was. Like he couldn’t stand the fact that this happened to her, that she was hurt. Her suffering was just as potent as his own, they were linked, two halves of a soul and it crushed her to see him in so much pain. 

“He’s dead. You hear me? I’m gonna kill him.”

He meant it. There was no room for doubt, he was going to kill her husband and she felt as if she couldn’t prevent it, not while he was so pent up.

“Ben. Don’t be so stupid. You’ll be jailed, you can’t...I can’t lose you, not again.”

For a moment, his gaze softened but it was short lived, his temper got the best of him but she didn’t expect anything less from him, that reckless and passionate man she fell for all those years ago. 

“He hurt you, Rey. I shouldn’t have let you back in that fucking house after the other night. I should’ve been there.”

Almost as an outlet, he paced back and forth now, his hand pulling at his hair as he spiralled. 

“This isn’t your fault, Ben. It’s him. He’s lost it. I didn’t fight back…”

The words riled something up inside of her and she felt defeated all of a sudden, like she could hardly stand. The weight of the situation crashed over her like the strongest of waves and she was too tired to fight it anymore. 

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare blame yourself. This is all him. Do you hear me? This is him and I won’t let him touch you ever again. I mean it.” 

And he did. The truth of his words resonated in her head and again, he offered the comfort she was so desperately in need of.

“I’m scared,” she sobbed, breaking down all over again and he swept her into his arms, picking her up bridal style as he walked to the back of the store. There, she felt completely at ease, as if all her worries melted away with just one of his touch. Carefully, he placed her down on a chair and passed her a bottle of water. 

“I’m going to phone Finn, okay?”

It would be hard to allow anyone else to see her like this but she nodded, taking a sip of her water. She’d let Ben help her. He knew what was right. He’d fix this. Maybe together, they could fix her and fill the hole in both of their hearts.

“Finn, I need you to come to the store. Now. It’s Rey. She’s hurt.”

After listening to his response, he hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. His hands trembled before her eyes, already bruising from his outburst upon seeing her injuries.

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, for everything, for dragging you into my fucked up life.”

Shaking his head, he sat beside her, looking pained and held her hand. Tentatively at first, he lifted it to his lips as he kissed each knuckle softly. 

“I’ll fix this, Rey. Finn will be here in five minutes. You let him in then lock the door.”

With a final press of her lips against her palm, he stood up and she instantly panicked. He was leaving. No, she needed him.

“Where are you going?”

As if she had to ask, she knew where. But she didn’t want him to. She didn’t want him to get hurt or do something he’d regret. However, she also knew there was no talking him down. Once his mind was set on something, there was no swaying him. Action always came first and thinking about it came last, a mere afterthought.

“I’m going to see  _ him,” _ he seethed, the disgust plain in his voice. 

“Don’t do this, Ben. Don’t go this way, please. I need you.”

“You’re not alone, Rey. I won’t do anything the bastard doesn’t deserve.”

Both of his hands cupped her face and he leaned forward, kissing her on the forehead, his lips remaining there for a while before he stalked out the door with purpose. He was going to kill Hux and she knew there was nothing she could do about it except wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how painful this chapter is.
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me.
> 
> <3


	12. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for your kind comments on the last chapter, this fic is pretty hard to write, but I love it all the same. You are all amazing for coming on this journey with me, so thank you.
> 
> The biggest thank you of all goes to my best friend and beta [AlbaStarGazer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbaStarGazer/pseuds/AlbaStarGazer)  
> who honestly has made this entire story what it is. I don't know what I would do without you, lovely <3 thank you xx.
> 
> Another small flashback in this chapter and it is one of my favs. 
> 
> Enjoy <3

**Chapter Twelve - Broken**

 

_ Alderaan - July 2010 _

 

_ “Is it just me or does Rey seem different?”  _

_ Ben’s head whipped around as his best friend, Poe spoke, nodding towards his sister who was currently chatting animatedly with her friends. The candid moments were what he lived for, seeing her cheeks stained with twin blushes as she laughed without a care in the world. He tried not to stare at her too hard, too intensely, but it was useless. Whenever she was around, his attention naturally gravitated towards her and he recognised that he was far from subtle. With little thought to the consequences of them being caught, he hovered like a moth to a flame though he knew, he just felt that one day they would burn the other. _

_ With all his outright gawking, he still had no idea how someone hadn’t caught onto the fact they were fucking. As much as they tried to keep it a secret, there had been some very close calls.  _

_ Too close.  _

_ It killed him inside to even consider it but he knew he had to end things with her.  After all, he was going to leave this shitfest of a town and she wasn’t. How could that ever work?Those kind of thoughts haunted him daily, he would dream up ways they could be together but it seemed like an unattainable dream. Which only made him even more bitter about the entire thing. If it were up to him, he would have taken her with him even though it was a selfish thought. Take her and never look back but she had roots in town, he doubted she would ever leave. From the start, he told himself that feelings weren’t supposed to be involved, but he found himself falling for her more and more. His best friend’s little sister.  _

_ “Seem different, how?” Ben replied, pulling the sunglasses back over his eyes and taking a long sip of his ice-cold lemonade.  _

_ “Happier, I guess. You remember when she first came to us? All those years ago… she was broken, always has been—until now.” _

_ Ben remembered, it was something he could never forget. The day that Poe introduced his new, little sister and she had walked over and took his hand in her own, blushing. Little did Ben know he would come to love that blush, love everything about her. Even though she was so young, she was drawn to him and offered kindness, something he was not used to a whole lot in that damn town.  _

_ The more he thought about it, the more difficult it was accepting the fluttering in his chest was from butterflies. He was like a schoolgirl. All due to the fact that he might have something to do with the positive change in Rey. Ben Solo didn’t change people, didn’t help them, he used them. Except with Rey, well that line was blurred. Maybe not at the start, but now, now he couldn’t stand the thought of her ever being in any pain. He was unsure if he could cope with even the idea of being responsible for any kind of hurt of hers. _

_ “Yes, I remember she was so skinny, shy… she didn’t talk for ages.” _

_ “Only to you. It was so weird. She didn’t utter a word to any of us, then you walked in and it was shutting her up that became the problem,” Poe laughed, shaking his head as he thought back.  _

_ Ben had conveniently forgotten that he was the one that helped her to open up and blossom into the woman she was now. He hadn’t even been trying, so when Poe’s parents had thanked him, he’d just shrugged his shoulders, thinking it no big deal—but it was. It was everything. _

_ “Yeah, no idea why. I wasn’t exactly kind to her.” _

_ “No, you weren’t, but I think she liked that. I think we were all trying too hard, and you… well you were typical Ben Solo.” _

_ He looked at his friend and could see in his eyes just how much he appreciated what Ben had done, even all these years later. He wondered if he’d feel the same if he knew the truth now. Probably not. Knowing Poe, he’d lose his shit. Which, if he had any idea what Ben was doing to his little sister, would be completely justified.  _

_ “She’s just a kid.” _

_ Ben didn’t know why he said that. She wasn’t just a kid. She was a young woman, she was beautiful, smart and daring… she made his heart beat faster in his chest every time she was near. She was all he wanted, all he would ever want and nothing would change that. _

_ “Not now, she isn’t. I swear, the amount of fucking guys that call up for her. It’s ridiculous,” Poe grimaced, as he shook his head and took another swig of his beer. His knuckles were white against the glass. _

_ Ben sat up then, matching Poe’s reaction. The thought of other guys being interested in her wasn’t something he wanted to hear about. It made him see red though he had no real right and it was entirely his fault. He and Rey weren’t exclusive, they weren’t a couple, in all their time together they hadn’t even had that conversation—but he was all hers. The vulnerable and hopeful part of him hoped she thought of herself as his but he guarded his heart. _

_ Ever since he had begun to see Rey, he had barely even looked at another girl and hadn’t felt the need to since they started this thing. Which was completely ridiculous. He was renowned for being a ladies man; at least he used to be. Now, whenever one of his many conquests blew up his phone, he would just block and delete the number. He had no interest in them, not in anyone but Rey.  _

_ “Really? Does she um, does she go out on lots of dates then?” He was trying to play it as cool as a cucumber, but he needed to know. He had to know if his feelings were reciprocated and just as strongly. _

_ Poe’s eyes hardened, only slightly as he stared at Ben. He started to panic, wondering if he had given himself away at all. What would he say? Fuck, he thought. This could end them. As much as he knew that it would eventually come to an end, he was not ready to let her go, not yet. _

_ “No, she chases them away. But, she’s been weird… like sneaking around and shit. I think she forgets my bedroom is across the hall and I can hear her climbing in and out her window at 3am.” Poe shook his head, his nose crinkling in disgust. “And don’t even start me on what I overheard the other night. Let’s just say I’ve ordered myself noise-cancelling headphones. No one wants to hear their little sister engage in phone sex.” _

_ Ben spat his drink out, images of the other night when they were FaceTiming, her hands between her thighs as he stroked himself sprung to the forefront of his mind. It had been hot, seeing her spread open for him and throughout, he had kept telling her to be quiet, but as usual, Rey never listened. Admittedly, her breathy moans sent him over the edge and he cursed aloud, grunting as he came, louder than she had been. _

_ He prayed Poe hadn’t heard him, he was sure if he had of he would be sporting a black eye right about now.  _

_ “That’s rough. Any idea who it is?” _

_ Ben was playing with fire, of that much he was sure.  _

_ “Not a clue. Kinda don’t wanna know, but also kinda do. Like, she’s entitled to her privacy and whoever the person is, they are clearly making her happy. But, if they ever fuck her over, I swear…” _

_ “I’ll help,” Ben responded.  _

_ And he meant it. If anyone ever hurt Rey, including himself, he would always, always make sure they they paid for it. One way or another.  _

_ He was sure he would kill for her.  _

 

* * *

  
  


**Present Day**

 

Armitage Hux was a dead man. 

It was simple, really. 

There was no saving him, there was nothing anyone could say that would stop him from taking him down, it was out of his hands, a dark part of him demanded he avenge Rey.

The first time he had hurt Rey, Ben had beat him up and warned him that if he ever touched her again, he wouldn’t live to see the next day. And now, after what he had done, Ben made it his mission to make good on his promise. 

It had crushed him. He’d been excited for her to start working with him and had been up all night thinking about it. Though he was mindful about his own hurt and had been trying to close himself off from her, he found himself unable to do so. That was his plan of action when he first arrived, but instead he got swept up in all of her, all over again. It was stupid of him to think he could ever stay away for her and present a cold front to keep her away. That all changed when he saw what she had suffered through. She was in pain, the kind that made him hurt so deeply in tune with her. The hurt made a shadow of her and only a sliver of the woman he knew and loved clung to the light. Hell to the repercussions, he wouldn’t be Ben Solo if he didn’t make things right. 

The look on her face when she walked into the store earlier would never leave him, it would haunt him. The woman who walked through the door was ghostly white, showing no remnants of her tawny glow and the way her hands shook… she looked broken. It reminded him of when she first came to live with the Dameron’s. The memory of the small, scared child filtering through his brain. 

People had said he saved her then. Well, if he had, he could do it again. He had to. He would fix all of this for her. 

“If you hadn’t have run away scared in the first place, this whole thing would have never fucking happened,” he shouted as he walked down the street, not giving two shits about the way people stared at him. 

He glared back; they’d always thought he was a waste of space, a bad egg—why change their opinion now? The familiar faces blurred as he raced down the street, stomping like a wild animal with his teeth bared to keep everyone at bay. This show of defiance was already likely the talk of the town, more than one beady eyed spectator had lifted their phone and whispered their gossip to the rest of the braindead inhabitants.

He blamed himself. Hux as well, of course. But mostly, it was all him. His anger was getting the better of him, the guilt he felt gnawed at him, swallowed him whole and he couldn’t stand it. This had happened because he had been a stupid, young boy that was too scared to accept the fact he has been in love with a girl who loved him back just as fiercely. His own self doubt and fears had caused so much hurt but he was ready to confront it all.. 

And now, ironically, it was one of the only things he could face. That no matter what had happened since, his love for her has always been there, bubbling in his heart and waiting to be let out. When she’d come to New York, he’d foolishly thought it was his second chance and that he was going to get everything he had ever dreamed of. 

The joke was on him. Instead, it felt like payback. That he was getting a taste of his own medicine as she turned around and left him. It was what he deserved, she left and made him feel how lost she had been when he had left her. A pain shared, a pain to grow from.

It had not been their time, he could not have been the man she needed him to be if he stayed. They both had a lot of growing to do.

Now that he was a little older, now that he had seen and spoken to her, he realized that it had just been life. Cruel, annoying and so frustrating. But life, all the same. Something that neither of them could have changed. It was the path they were meant to walk so one day they would meet each other at the crossroads and take the other’s hand and carve their own way, a better way at the right time.

Making a dent on the earth or sizeable impression was what most humans craved and it was no easy idealisation. Most were adverse to change but this, this he could change. He could take away her pain, by taking away  _ him _ . With that, she would never be in danger again. Hux deserved everything that was coming to him and more. He didn’t even think how much Poe would flip when he inevitably found out. No one else mattered, he could not see reason or be swayed by words, actions spoke much louder and he planned to scream louder than all the rest.

Still fuming, he pinched the bridge of his nose then he lifted his phone up again, calling Hux’s number as it went to voicemail,  _ again _ . It tested his restraint, not that he possessed much of it, his patience had long run out.

“Hiding? There is no where you can hide that I won’t find you, motherfucker,” he spat, his grip on his phone so tight he surprised he hadn’t crushed it. Some part of him craved that, to feel destruction at his fingertips, something to tide him over until he could inflict real damage on a man he once called ‘friend.’

He was shaking violently and the only thing grounding him was the thought of smashing Hux’s face off the ground, over and over. He’d enjoy it too, every single fucking second. He would make him suffer and delight in it, maybe for the first time in his life, he could do something right.

Finally on the street where Rey lived, he picked up his pace to a slight jog, the adrenaline he felt in his body powered him on. As he did so, he noticed that Hux’s car wasn’t in the drive, which wasn’t a good sign. He rapped on the door loudly. His knuckles hurt with the force he used but it was inconsequential.

“You here, Hux? You better open this door. I’m coming in either way,  _ friend _ ,” he shouted through the letterbox, so whoever was inside would be able to hear him. 

No response. 

He jumped the bushes so he could look in the windows—nothing. 

He knocked the door again, shouting for Hux again, but still heard nothing back. 

He’d gone. Ran away. It was hardly surprising, the man lacked a spine when confronted with someone his own size or bigger.

“Fucking pussy,” he snarled and quickly dialled Hux’s number again. 

Straight to voicemail. 

Ben roared, all his pent up anger finally coming forth as he punched the door in front of him, leaving a large indent in the wood. If Hux wasn’t here, he couldn’t be far. Where we he even go? He clearly knew how Ben was going to react, or else he wouldn’t have ran away. 

As long as he was out there, Ben knew he would lose it, his drive to protect Rey would reach new levels, no harm would come to her. He needed to find him. He needed to keep Rey safe. It was all he could think about. Ben punched the door again, imagining it was Hux’s face instead. It did very little to calm him.

Ben wasn’t sure how long he stood there, taking out his anger on a goddamn door, when suddenly his phone rang loudly in his pocket. He wondered if it was Hux, finally ready to face him and pay for what he’d done. Instead, Poe’s face flashed on the screen, and Ben knew this conversation was going to be just as hard. 

“Poe.”

“Ben? Is it true? Did he—did he do this to her?” His voice was trembling and Ben couldn’t remember a time he’d ever heard his friend sound like that. It terrified him in a way but he knew his friend would now see, really see what was happening.

“Is she with you?” Ben asked, ignoring his question as the need to know she was safe won out.

“Yes, she isn’t speaking… only the basics and then, Ben, she keeps asking for you. Only you. She’s just, fuck, she’s just whispering your name over and over. Finn and me don’t know what to do—”

Ben’s heart hurt, for her, for her family… for all of it. He kicked the door once again for good measure, this time angry at himself for leaving her in the first place. He should have taken her home instead of running here. His impulsivity was killer but he saw right in the end, he would go back to her and take her away if need be.

“I’m on my way back. I’ll be ten minutes tops.”

“Did you find him?” Poe asked, his voice laced with anger.

“No. The prick ran away.”

“I’ll find him,” Poe responded, sounded eerily calm and resolute.

“ _ We _ will find him,” Ben corrected, leaving no room for argument. 

There was no way he wasn’t going to make Hux pay for this. He couldn’t just sit back while Poe took all the brunt. The whole reason that Hux had lost his shit was because he had offered her a job. No, this was on him. 

“Rey is scared you’ve killed him… that you’ll go to jail.”

“Tell her I’m fine and I’m on my way, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And wait—”

The line was silent as Poe waited for Ben to speak. 

“You tell her from me she’s not alone, okay?”

“I’ll tell her.”

Ben hung up and started running again, even faster this time, wanting to find the lost, lovely girl and fix her all over again.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux ran away, of course, but it will not be the last of him. Let me know what you all thought. Love you all <3


End file.
